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Not sure if this will delete my Last Blog or not, But, I am just completely bored!
So how is everyone doing?
I start my work expirience on Monday! Then it is Christmas, Then i turn 16, Then 2 months left of school! I AM SO EXCITED!
Well i got nothing to say ha ha.
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I just did something i never do!

Posted August 3rd, 2014 at 03:51 PM by Dimentio

Well for quite a while now i have been complaining about mum more and more, and just in this past month or 2, she's pissed me off so fucking much it's getting unreal, like, I can't even list how much she has done it, but this is harder on me as she is the one person i look to in life and love, so it makes it hard on me with her being like this, anyway!
So for over a 2 weeks or so, she has not gone food shopping, issue is, we run out of food fast, so for quite a few days now i have been eating less and less, and today, i had the tiniest breakfast, then skipped lunch, had no snacks all day, and then was waiting for her to get back from Asda like she said she was going to be doing, all day, few hours later, nothing, wait a bit longer, still nothing, so i ring her, she says she was at nannies and won't be home for a few hours, so after waiting until about 6, which is late for me, i grab the only thing left that, it is no where near appetising to me at all, but the only thing i do eat as the rest is curry, fish or spicy chicken, and that was a pizza.
Usually i never eat this brand of pizza, also usually i never eat a full pizza on my own, usually i never get stomach pains from being so hungry and hear my stomach growl ever second, also usually i never salivate like crazy just putting something in the oven, today i was so fucking hungry, especially from how it has been these last few days, I've been starving myself and this happens!
So everyone comes back home, I don't see them as i am pissed the fuck off with them, just now, getting hungry again, so i go downstairs to go get the breakfast i ask for.... And i see nothing, oh wait, actually i did see something, bran flakes, weatabix, or whatever the fuck it is, and rice krispies, not a single thing i asked for, so then i go to mum and ask where my food is, as even in the sweet cupboard there is nothing, she did not go Asda, she just went to a little cheap shop as she couldn't be bothered to go.
Okay so i want to make this perfectly fucking clear:
She has not been shopping as she cannot be bothered to go, I have been eating less and less for a few days now, she asks what i want from Asda and says she will be back soon, i starve myself, she goes out to see my nan without saying and is gone all day, then she comes home and does not have what i want, so clearly, by this point as with how fucking shit she has been making me feel lately and the stress of college and looking for a job, I'm close to my fucking snapping point!
And you know how when water bursts out of something, there's usually a crack first and a bit of water comes out but at a high pressure? Well this is what i never do, I said to my mum "Can you go to an actual shop please? I've been eating less and less for days now and today i starved myself and we still have nothing for me and I'm getting pissed the fuck off with this all." I never talk to her like that or swear at her, but I'm having enough!
Like, WHAT'S so fucking hard about going to an Asda that is literally a 5 minute walk from out house, and getting just like, 3 boxes of cereal, some ketchup, some chips, and some chicken!?! Like, is that fucking hard!?! And that's just the fucking basics i need, I've been using my brothers deodorant for about 3 weeks or more now, if i am not going out any where i do not wash my hair, which, as people know is a big deal for me, I'm hardly using my aftershave now as i only have one thing left and it's a good one i don't want to waste, and we have no fucking snack food, or different foods i can at for lunch and dinner or on multiple days!
If i actually found a fucking job and had money i would have gone myself by now and got all of this fucking shit as it is pissing me the fuck off!
Like i know i am repeating myself, but i just can't put into words how fucking stressed i am lately, while also trying to cover it up and dealing with everyone's shit, and not having any fucking food and having to skip out on snacks and lunch, that isn't fucking helping! I've asked her for over a month now for snacks, with none, asked her for about 2 weeks for more food, nothing, and now, I'm getting fucking sick of it, if by tomorrow she has not gone out and got food, that's fucking it, as I'm at fucking college all day dealing with that shit and being depressed as fuck, then i have the barn which i need food for, then Wednesday I'm out with Kelsey all fucking day walking around town so she can get a fucking tattoo, so i want some fucking food to help calm me down and so i can actually fucking put on weight for once!
And you know what fucking else? People have ALWAYS been saying how fucking helpful i am or how fucking selfless i am, like be it at the barn or with friends or helping people with issues, it's thing i do regularly, and all the time i hear thank yous or hear people saying how helpful or nice i am for doing this thing for them, yet, where is my person!?! I never have said thank you to someone or told them how nice or selfless they are as nobody is fucking there for me, like, nobody listen to me fucking rant, nobody helps me look for jobs, nobody asks if I'm ok, I feel like i just go through all my shit alone, then i am there for everyone else! For instance, I've listened and replied to every single one of Kelsey's fucking rants, which are multiple times a day about the same subject, I helped her look for jobs and cats and went to her tattoo with her and always buy her shit, so far, with having a job, she's bought me a cinema ticket, hasn't helped me look for jobs, never replies or listens to my rants, and is just never there for me, you want to know who the fuck is there for me? My drawings, reading, and myself, well guess what, just like the fucking paper my books and drawings exist on, I fucking tear and crumple easily, I just fucking need someone here for me for once, I can't keep doing this on my own.
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