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stuck once again.

Posted February 11th, 2010 at 09:12 PM by Fiending_the_freedom (A beautiful disaster)

I'm trying to do the right thing.
Always.
Trying to make the right decisions.
For me.

When I get home and see my beer or liquor,
I don't drink it because I haven't drank alone in about a year.
Which is an amazing accomplishment.

My first couple years on VT,
I was a mess.
Almost all my problems came from my alcoholism.

And even though I'm making healthy choices for myself now.

I feel so alone,...
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Old

Stuff.

Posted February 3rd, 2010 at 04:58 PM by Fiending_the_freedom (A beautiful disaster)

I'm loosing weight.
Isn't the oppisite suppose to happen when you are pregnant?
Weird.

I'm lighter than I have been in 6 months.
Not saying I lost a lot, only about 6 pounds.

Once I get this abortion done and over with, I need to start exersizing.
I am so tired of being so unhealthy.

I am tired of looking at my flab.
I know I am not fat, but I have zero muscle. I don't want to change my size exactly, just get rid of...
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....Pregnant

Posted January 27th, 2010 at 10:33 AM by Fiending_the_freedom (A beautiful disaster)

It seems right after I get over one tramatic event, another occures.



This is it.

You see I think karma is playing some sick joke on me.

Testing me.



I'm fucking pregnant.



That's right. I completely fucked up.



Owen made me feel a lot better, telling me not to worry.
Worse things could happen.


Obviously I am not...
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one year!!

Posted January 9th, 2010 at 08:59 AM by Fiending_the_freedom (A beautiful disaster)

Today, it has been exactly one year since i last cut.
I CAN FINALLY SAY I QUIT!

This is the longest i've ever gone since i started cutting 6 years ago.
I never thought I could actually do it.
I never knew I could beat this.
The cravings stopped, I never knew that could happen.

I am so proud of myself!

The last time i cut, it was really deep, and i had to go to the hospital and have it glued shut (THE WORST PAIN EVER) ...
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two weeks until i'm 18

Posted October 29th, 2009 at 08:58 PM by Fiending_the_freedom (A beautiful disaster)

Its my birthday in two weeks.
And i fear i am edging close to being to old for vt.
Its been just about 5 years since i joined, and god has it helped me.
I've gone through everything on vt from cutting, having a drinking problem, drug problems, relationship problems (and a LOT of them).

And in a way, by the time i do decide to depart, i will be almost fully recovered from my addictions. I am doing better than ever, and i can really say i'm proud of myself.
...
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