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Ever close your eyes
Ever stop and listen
Ever feel alive
And you've nothing missing
You don't need a reason
Let the day go on and on

Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you
Give into it now
Let the day surround you
You don't need a reason
Let the rain go on and on
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Crushed Hope

Posted February 6th, 2009 at 06:13 PM by Zephyr
Updated February 6th, 2009 at 08:47 PM by Zephyr

I'm acting like a selfish child right now and frankly, I don't give a flying fuck.

I don't understand.
Why is it that when I finally start to get a glimpse of hope, I get pushed back down?

I made an appointment with a new psychologist yesterday.
I get a call back today,
And they say that they cancelled my appointment because they thought I'd be better off going to someone else.

I get it, they think that they're helping me by referring me to someone else.
But I mean come on... this is just a goddamn survey over the phone!
Why not actually get me into an appointment and assess face-to-face?

And what really makes me mad is that the selection is slim pickings.
I refuse to go to Albany, I hate it there.
I'd really like to find one in Corvallis,
But there are few there accepting patients.
And almost everything else is down in Eugene but is a long drive.

I just want to give up.
Give in.
Let go.

I'm being stupid,
Foolish,
Childish,
Selfish.

But goddamnit!
I've been trying,
I get up the courage to call up a new place,
And it took A LOT,
Especially since being 18, my mum can't do it for me.
Then make an appointment after an uncomfortable over-the-phone survey,
Then it all gets crushed just like that.

I know I need to get back up and try again,
But it's so hard when I've been discouraged to this degree.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    You are not being childish, Steph. It is a let down, and you have a reason to be upset. Don't beat yourself up for it. As you said, you know you need to just get back up and do it again. This was a setback, as well as discouraging, but just don't give up.
    Posted February 6th, 2009 at 08:24 PM by theOperaGhost theOperaGhost is offline
 

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