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Not sure if this will delete my Last Blog or not, But, I am just completely bored!
So how is everyone doing?
I start my work expirience on Monday! Then it is Christmas, Then i turn 16, Then 2 months left of school! I AM SO EXCITED!
Well i got nothing to say ha ha.
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Relationships, baking and breakdowns

Posted November 27th, 2016 at 05:52 AM by Dimentio

I finally got into a relationship XD

I went to London by train, all on my own, and jesus christ was that the scariest thing :') And yeah, we spent a nice little day down London together, went to a hotel for the night, then had a final day out down London, i got some neat little things, saw all these new, yet nice places, had my first kiss, and yeah, those two days were breaking a lot of firsts, and it was nice haha

But, augh, ever since London Dave, the boyfriend has not really been talking to me, and it's been about 3 months now, like, we spoke a crap ton, then after London just nothing, I've spoke to him a few times really, but he only wanted to talk about sex stuff, so when i finally snapped and said it's making me uncomfortable because you know i dislike sex, yeah, not really spoke since, my friends are trying to reassure me this is normal in relationships and it takes a while to start up, but yeah, this isn't what i thought a relationship would be, and with how Dave has been handling it since, i just yeah, not been the most happiest in it

Anywho, as for the baking, ever since i baked those cookies I've been making an assortment of food, had a few flops but i come back from it and recover, and people seem to really like my food which is nice, like i made this basic, standard vanilla-butter biscuits i thought no one would like, jesus christ people have basically had me at gun point demanding i make more XD So that's gonna be in the Christmas presents to everyone :')

The photography is always still on the increase which is nice

And i have that Therapy thing Tuesday, but okay, not only did they constantly keep trying to contact me through phone calls, and not leave messages, which they knew not to because I'd specifically said to the girl i saw, and she wrote it down, my phone does not work, like i get no reception, and calls never come through my phone, but if they somehow do, and you can somehow hear me, phone calls give me major anxiety and really fucking stress me out, so that pissed me off, but then, even though i spoke to SIX PEOPLE. SIX. About how bad my home life is and has always been, guess what they decided is best for me!?! THERAPY AT HOME! So yeah, i had to call them back, because they don't fucking text, which literally gave me panic attacks, and basically was crying to them from the stress of calling and them not listening to me, and saying i physically cannot do therapy at home, so eventually i got them to move it, but like, i just can't do it

It's this Tuesday, and i can't do it, i can't, it's where my dad used to live, like literally right beside his house, so the abusive memories, these therapy places always give me the most shit therapists it seems, they open wounds, make them worse, and never heal them, also, lately I've really been struggling about how no one ever listens to me, like i completely snapped at a friend a few days ago and almost lost them completely, and i did have a miniature breakdown, but it was all because of how literally no one besides Kirsty listens to me in life, like, in school no one listened to how badly i was being bullied and what it was doing to me, at home no one listened to me when i tried to fix obvious issues, or what was being done to me, still to this day at home, for those same reasons, then people treat me like shit for snapping, like there was no warning about it, or no need for it, when all i do is try to tell people, in college literally the second most popular phrase i heard was "Oh you were right, we shoulda listened to you before!", but i didn't hear that just once and never again, nope, all throughout those 3 years! But do you wanna know the most frustrating thing about never being listened to, having it literally cause you to have breakdowns and to feel so shit!?! No one is listening to you! No one is listening to you talk about how no one listens to you, and all the damage it does to you!

So just, yeah, i don't think I'm going to go to that therapy thing, I'm just gonna drop out and not contact them, because i just can't do it, i can't
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