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Cold, alone, shaking,
wanting to feel loved,
breathing, sighing,
why does it hurt to breathe?
unwanted feelings return to mind,
crying, breaking, the only thing that's truely mine,
the feeling inside is the feeling of hate. i'm suffering in this hell in which i can't escape.
what did i do to deserve this?
i hold my only friend, the only one who seems to understand and take the pain away for a little while.
He kisses my skin.
It makes me feel happy and forget about everything.
crimson dops of pain fall onto my bed sheets.
then a sharp pain, which makes me smile,
then all the feelings come back...
i throw my friend accross my room.
i'm so angry i jsut don't know...
is there no salvation for me?
am i ment to suffer liek this forever?
the pain never leaves
the urge nevver leaves.
my friend's kiss leaves a mark.
a mark that will show forever.
remind me of all the pain
and bring me back.
remind me of everything i ever felt.
bringing back into my personal hell once again.
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over 24 hours and no food :(

Posted October 1st, 2010 at 10:43 AM by Asylum
Updated October 1st, 2010 at 11:26 AM by Asylum

So yesterday all i had was 3 cups of coffee, a grilled chicken sandwhich, and half of this apple pastry thing my mom and i split. I ate nothing for dinner, but coffee, and skipped breakfast ths morning, i was going to skip lunch, but felt like i was going to pass out due to lack of sugar, so i ate a chicken wrap and some coffee.. which is semi a lot i guess.. but then again not really.. O_o idk.. I feel guilty and sick because i ate... but i feel dizzy... i mean the things i've eaten aren't that many calories so it's like probably... so i looked it up.. and it said 13 calories in 3 cups coffee.. let's see 140 in the chicken sandwhich.. umm half of the apple fritter is 350. lolz. so add it up it's 503 calories... it's probably more then that.. cuz thats withouth sugar and cream in coffee, i know i had 1 black coffee.. so that's 4 cals.. then i had 1 with milk and a tiny bit of choclate and the last coffeee the same as the second.. so it's a bit ove 503 cals..
I also walked around a lot. i walked to all my classes which are far away in a fast pace, i also went to the mall and walked around for hours.. so i burned calories too, i carry all my book because i think i'll lose more weight that way... O_o.. idk.. i sound crazy but whatever...

today i had well i just looked up chcken wrap and it said 383.. so idk if that's right. and some coffee.. so under 500 calories today... i kind of feel happy about that :) but at the same time not.. because i see it as a lot.. even though it's not O_o idk...

i had 2 cookies and some vitamin water after the wrap cuz i was still hungry.. and cookies i looked up were 122 calories. and the vitimin water is 150 but i didn't even drink nealy half of it, and 150 is it in total... so probably 25 cals maybe. so i'll add 150 to the 383 and the coffee this moring so... about roughly 534 cals total for today
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