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Life of an FTM Transgender

Posted November 2nd, 2011 at 07:56 PM by AlexTorkin

All right. I feel the need to get it out there. For people who don't know what it feels like... imagine being a guy who's straight and likes a lot of girls. Now imagine being stuck in a girl's body. That's exactly how it feels.

I've honestly known since early childhood that I was 'different'. I always hung out with the guys, got turned on by girls the exact same way they did, and constantly wished to be a guy.

Once middle school hit, I decided to ignore it. I also had to prove to myself that I was straight, and attempted to like guys. It didn't work at all. I could only ever see them as friends an/or brothers.

Then as I got to high school, I met the girl who would change me for the better. I instantly started crushing on her and thought I was bi. After liking her for two years and dressing up as a guy character for Halloween previously, I had come to the conclusion that I was a guy and completely straight.

Thus started my dilemma. How do you get a girl... if they think you're a girl? And if they know you're a guy but you still aren't 'out' to the rest of the world, how do you get them to like you and not your 'girl self'.

The only solution I have thought about is that I'd either have to find a straight girl who completely accepted me as a guy, or a bi girl (which is probably the easiest way). That way, they'd be fine with both the girl side and guy side of yourself.

For now, only my close friends know that I'm an FTM trasngender. Halloween this year, I dressed up as Green Hornet and felt absolutely amazing being able to express myself without any limits. Unfortunately, I'm back to the person almost everyone thinks I am. And as more things happen, I'll just continue this blog. It's just a good place for me to rant.
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