View Full Version : LONG only read if u really want to

October 11th, 2010, 11:27 PM
so i guess i could say its a mix of Borderline Personality Disorder and crazy schizophrenia. But, about a week ago i started being extremely paranoid to the point where i believed a community of people are against me, keep track of everything i do and tell me to do things and if i dont listen to me they threaten me i told my parents and my dosage of anti depressants are being lowered again but the problem is before that i would think someone was driving to my house with an ax or a knife and was gonna cut my guts open in the middle of the night. Ive hallucinated for about a year-nothing harsh, only spider webs. But recently they've been worse like i think i see a spider on a wall a second later its gone or i thought i sat a boy in a red shirt leaning down in my brothers room when he was in the living room. The community-i still hear them. They threaten that if i talk to much about them they will make me cut myself. With the BPD-they'res aways a back or white thought. me thinking that i shouldn't believe the voices bcs theyre just me being paranoid but then i have to think theyre real because the feeling is so strong.

Or i can really trust someone and love them and then the next minute im completely mad at them bcs they say something offensive but thats really suppose to be a joke. I just want them out of my life, to be gone but then i want them to stay because i know they mean no harm. my dad says im naturally messy which i hate him for bcs ive been obsessed with cleanliness and ive been cleaning my room for a month to make it perfect. He doesnt understand anything thats going on, i have to clean but if i let myself it may become a serious problem. And i dont mean vacuum and dust, i mean organize things at least 10 times or 15, and make my bed every single day to make sure i like how everything is set and re-arrange that 5 times every day, and then i have to re arrange my closet to make sure more things can fit in it.

then i have to take a shower every other day. i know this doesnt sound like a big deal at all but when im in the shower i cant think of anything else but making sure im cleaning more than the top layer of skin to make sure i am clean, i sometimes scrub to hard and my skin turns red, but then i know ive done the necessary job. And then with my hair, i always use too much shampoo and conditioner- i use twice, sometimes 3X the amount im suppose to and i lather up making sure every string of hair is in the "ball" of wet shampoo stuff and if it doesnt feel like my whole head of hair got enough i panic and i feel like a slut bcs im dirty.

Laundry? Im not going there.

I havent even talked about all the crazy things that drive me literally insane but i dont show it-im getting panicky already. :eek:

November 27th, 2010, 01:34 PM
im not sure. i cant help you out on that one :/ x
have you seeked professional help? x
if there is anything you need to speak about PM me.
and as for the spider webs, i wish i could help!

November 28th, 2010, 08:10 AM
please don't bump old threads. :locked: