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View Full Version : did I used to have ocd?


not_a_superhero
July 5th, 2010, 06:47 PM
hi,

I feel kinda wierd writing this as ive never actually written in a thread properly before...

basically I used to have OCD (i think) but i never told anyone and i think i just need someone to reassure me that it was ocd and im not just over reacting? (i never was diagnosed by a docotor)

when I was 8 I used to time myself to do things or make myself hold my breath while i did things. If I didnt manage to do them then I would say that I wasnt allowed a pudding that evening (or something similar) and if i did eat the pudding something bad would happen because i had broken my 'rules'.

I used to check all the doors and windows were locked before I went to bed and check behind all the sofas and behind all the curtains in case someone who might hurt my family was hiding there. This would take a long time as I would have to check things over and over (so stare at the stove for 4 seconds to make sure it was off and the gas wasnt leaking and then look away and do it again untill I had done it 4 times, but I had to be standing in a certain position and it was really uncomfy and strained my muscles sometimes...)

I was 11 when there was the anthrax scare (around 2002?) I wouldnt touch letters from the post and if i did I had to wash my hands (at least 4 times but sometimes 16 times because thats 4x4...). I had to hold my breath when I was near letters so i didnt breath any anthrax or germs in

I couldnt touch my food when I was eating it, i used to have to hold crisps with a napkin etc...

I had to take a certain number of steps before going through certain doors or I thought something bad would happen.

I couldnt lie to my parents or I thought something bad might happen to them...I used to be worried that if I was touching something that my parents were also touching that they would be able to read my thoughts.. (i knew they couldnt actually... it just made me ultra conscious of what i was thinking all the time just in case...).

It all got a lot worse when my brothers girlfriend used to abuse him and he was very depressed. my ocd kinda turned to that and i had to touch things a certain number of times or I thought she might hurt him again or he might try to commit suicide. I knew that me touching a light switch a certain number of times wouldnt actually stop anything but the constant 'what if' would eat at me and I didnt want to think I was responsible for anything bad happening to him.

I had a few panic attacks but I didnt know what they were at the time.. i remember asking my parents to take me to hospital because i was convinced I was about to die... then I would calm down after a while and be ok again (i know that sounds quite over dramatic but thats how it felt at the time... im really not an over dramatic person at all i promise!)

ive left quite a lot out but does this sound like ocd to you? im worried it wasnt and that im over reacting by saying that I used to have ocd?

I would really appreciate a reply as im feeling really wierd writing all this down... ive never really talked to anyone about it before! :/

frostythesnowman81
July 9th, 2010, 11:29 AM
ocd runs in my family and it is not something that should be taken lightly. your case sounds like ocd to me though, but if you don't have it anymore just relax and enjoy life. take care! --frosty