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View Full Version : OCD and confused


Eaglecloud
April 7th, 2010, 10:21 AM
Hi everybody, well to start a brief intro I was diagnosed with moderate OCD a year ago and I thought I might post here. I think I have Pure - O because all my symptoms are mostly thoughts and anxiety, not many compulsions. Ever since I was confused so much, I went through many thinking changes, thinking each one would help me. For example first I thought god was trying to talk to me through these thoughts or urges. These were persistent thoughts mind you. First it was about confession about a math quiz that I cheated on which wouldn't of mattered ( Long Story ), later it was about perverted thoughts, then later I changed my thinking habits according to Dr. Wayne Dyer's Power of belief book. I thought I could do anything I could by just believing in it, I tried that with many different things such as OCD, I thought maybe I could just believe it wasn't there, but the thoughts and anxiety persisted. When those didn't come, reoccurring thoughts about life in general would haunt me such as if this whole thing is a game if we can just believe anything and it would come true. I'm a very philosophical person and these things can get me carried away. Months later starting high school I started getting different genres of thoughts. These thoughts just had a way of making me feel like they were real, or "intended" by god. I just couldn't see what god would want to do this to me, I was thinking they would help me in some way. The thoughts that came in the start of high school was one about asking some girl out, I first liked her a little but not a lot, Then the thoughts turned into obsession wiping every bit I liked away from her, I kept seeing her face in my head, the obsession to ask her out, I really did'nt want to though. I kept getting thoughts like these from then on once OCD found my weakness. I couldn't reason if the thoughts were for me or against me. I kept thinking god was trying to help me by doing the opposite of what OCD was saying but the problem was that I didn't know what I really wanted after the persistent thoughts and anxiety. Then later I asked a different girl out but she said no, but I mainly liked the way she looked not her personality. I could keep going on with the multitude of thoughts I had but the fact is, how do I tell if a thought is mine or OCD's, I sometimes have suicidal thoughts because of this in certainty and have taken zoloft for 2 weeks but quit. The suicidal thoughts became stronger with zoloft and I got insomnia.

Thanks for all your help guys