View Full Version : Not sure, think I should get help. But don't know how.

March 23rd, 2010, 09:43 PM
Hi there Panda Bears.

My friend talked about this place.
He doesn't know why I'm on here though yet, now he will.

I hear things. Music typically. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes out, like in the far distance.

I see things. Since I was around 8. Spots, confetti of light (Spots, but different), figures like angles, unidentifiable creatures (I saw the end of a tail and legs with a bell on it a few times. But no else saw it ever). I see people walk past something but never actually pass it. Like someone would walk behind a door or car and just never reappear. I saw someone turn into a tree once when they saw me. I see figures in the night sometimes (I hate the night.)

I feel the presence of spirits. Alot of the time. Since it all started when I was around 8.

Sometimes I hear voice. It's mainly music, but when I hear people it's usually when I'm alone and I always hear footsteps with them (but it's when I KNOW I'm the only one in the house). I get afraid a lot, I think murderers are watching me in the dark, so I keep a flag pole by my room to hit things with, I have to sing loudly and have the phone with me to cope with being alone. I hate being alone. I get scared.

Sometimes I'll think I'm just thinking, but someone is always narrating my life. And I remember as a kid sometimes I'd tell them to shut up, and it was stupid that I was narrating my own life, but then something would shout back. I can't remember what it would say, but now it just narrates. Doesn't tell me to do stuff. Just says what I'm thinking, and what I'm doing.

Sometimes I find that I'm talking, or mouthing what the person is doing. I use hand movements to talk, I mouth exactly what the thing is saying, and it's embarrassing actually, a couple have laughed at me before.

I see my dad do that too. When he doesn't notice anyone is listening he lets him talk to himself. My sister does that too. But she has down syndrome.

I've been to 4 counselors. Never talked about that though. If I told my dad he'd probably think I was doing it for attention, and that I was making it up.
I don't know if I could explain it well enough to my mom. I don't really like explaining things aloud on the spot. Besides I've admitted to some of the things I've seen to both and one gets really angry and the other doesn't take it seriously and is indifferent.

I just want to know if I should tell someone about it. I never really thought about it. But then other people talk about similar things and say it's really bad. And I'm tired of being scared of being alone at night. Or alone in general.

If you read this all kudos. I didn't know where to go. Or what to do. I went through a horrible depression last year and isolated myself too much. I lost a lot of friends. So I don't have too many ears that are willing to listen to my bullshit. Whenever I talk about it, I just feel like...I don't know, that I shouldn't. and that I'm dumb and people have better things to do and that I'm fine. So there: Tell me. Because I have no idea!

March 28th, 2010, 05:33 AM
I think it's time you fully explained what you're going through, either to your family or therapist. If you can let them know everything that goes on, then it will be easier for them to identify what you need to start getting better. I understand how hard it is to speak out loud. Every time I had trouble with letting somebody know, I would write it down. Maybe you could try that.

About your concern of your dad not believing you: What choice does he have but to believe you? Better to believe you and get you help rather than neglecting your needs based on any doubts he may have. No loving parent wants their child to suffer.

March 29th, 2010, 05:36 PM
Thank you. :)