fade2black
October 27th, 2009, 10:32 PM
Today I had another outpatient appointment with one of my psychologists, first of all, whom I hate.
My problem is that I very often get pushed into mania when I'm in such an appointment with my mother in the room. Very few psychiatrist/therapist haven't triggered.
I was also anxious because I hoped he could get me on something for my anxiety disorders, but what frustrated me was that he seemed to completely ignore me. All that came out of his mouth was, "Well, we could try Lithium if the Limictal isn't working for bipolar..." and such.
He also wanted to increase my sleep. Which, logically it would help with irritability if it wasn't for my sleep disorders, but he wanted to give me enough time that he mentioned cutting out all the extra time. It would be come home from school, straight to homework, straight to dinner, then shower and bed. That's four hours.
He wanted to cut out writing and poetry.
Just reminds me of The Yellow Wallpaper, how they didn't let her go outside or write or do anything that could help her mental status. He wanted to cut out the only thing that was keeping me alive, what I do in my freetime.
That annoyed me on top of everything else. And after a while, I broke down in front of him and he just went on talking about how I'm a "special child," and I'm a danger to the people around me. This really cut the last thread.
To tell you the truth, I'm not violent at all (discluding self-harm). My mania side isn't that strong. I felt like I was being treated like an insane asylum patient. I like it when I can escape him and my mother, I almost feel normal.
I feel average as far as conditions go, and I really like that.
Then, of course, the car ride home is horrible. But my mother keeps pushing me, for some reason. Then when I'm upset enough, she goes through her normal routine and waits for me to calm down, then takes me to chik-fil-a and talks about sending me to Oregon alone to spend time with some friends for a week or two for the Christmas holidays (I was born and raised in Oregon, moved here three years ago, so it's extremely special to me)
She always does that. Pushes me to the extreme, then bribes me.
My problem is that I very often get pushed into mania when I'm in such an appointment with my mother in the room. Very few psychiatrist/therapist haven't triggered.
I was also anxious because I hoped he could get me on something for my anxiety disorders, but what frustrated me was that he seemed to completely ignore me. All that came out of his mouth was, "Well, we could try Lithium if the Limictal isn't working for bipolar..." and such.
He also wanted to increase my sleep. Which, logically it would help with irritability if it wasn't for my sleep disorders, but he wanted to give me enough time that he mentioned cutting out all the extra time. It would be come home from school, straight to homework, straight to dinner, then shower and bed. That's four hours.
He wanted to cut out writing and poetry.
Just reminds me of The Yellow Wallpaper, how they didn't let her go outside or write or do anything that could help her mental status. He wanted to cut out the only thing that was keeping me alive, what I do in my freetime.
That annoyed me on top of everything else. And after a while, I broke down in front of him and he just went on talking about how I'm a "special child," and I'm a danger to the people around me. This really cut the last thread.
To tell you the truth, I'm not violent at all (discluding self-harm). My mania side isn't that strong. I felt like I was being treated like an insane asylum patient. I like it when I can escape him and my mother, I almost feel normal.
I feel average as far as conditions go, and I really like that.
Then, of course, the car ride home is horrible. But my mother keeps pushing me, for some reason. Then when I'm upset enough, she goes through her normal routine and waits for me to calm down, then takes me to chik-fil-a and talks about sending me to Oregon alone to spend time with some friends for a week or two for the Christmas holidays (I was born and raised in Oregon, moved here three years ago, so it's extremely special to me)
She always does that. Pushes me to the extreme, then bribes me.