View Full Version : Coming Out To A Homophobe (:^{

The Harlequin
September 7th, 2009, 04:48 PM
So I'm in a tough situation now...
Tomorrow I join the Sixth Form at my school, over the summer I've come out as bi to some friends and my family, and so far so good ~ I've also got my first bf and things are great.

The people who know are some of my closest friends ~ but there is one who I haven't told. I'm pretty damn sure he's quite homophobic, I sleep over at his house a fair bit, and he's one of my best mates on the earth...

But I'm so scared of his reaction to the news of my orientation, I worry that he might get angry or appear okay with it and then never talk to him again... Or even more awkward he might assume that I'm coming on to him (N) But I don't know how long my sexuality will remain private, he might be hurt if he finds out via someone bitching and that I didn't tell him...

He's one of my greatest mates, I have a lot of respect for him, but at the same time I don't know what to do... I feel he should know but then, how the hell am I gonna deal with a very negative reaction from someone I trust so much?!

Sighhh, I dunno what to do, I feel a bit screwed here...
Advice? And if you've had a similar experience what happened and was it okay in the end or did the worst happen?

September 7th, 2009, 05:55 PM
I think you should definatly tell him. No doubt there cause your right, him hearing about it from someone else won't help at all. I think you need to find a way to bring up sexuality and discuss gay people and see what his reaction is.

The tough part is that even if you discover he is homophobic then you still need to tell him. Granted this may cause him to freeze you out but sometimes people are homophobic because they don't know what gays and lesbians (etc) are like. So while he may be homophobic now, once he discovers that someone very close to him is gay this may change his view, and then your problem is gone.

This is going to be tough and I won't lie about that. The important thing here to remember is that after you tell him his immediate reaction may not be his true feelings. Give it some time to sink in. Also, if his immediate reaction is bad and you end up not talking, that isn't neccesarily a bad thing, he may have changed his mind over that period however, so if you go a day or two without talking don't worry about it. Just wait that little while and try and make contact yourself. He may feel that after a bad first reaction there is nothing he can do. Therefore, give him the opportunity to tell you he accepts it.

This is all I can think of for now. Remember to take it slow and thing about all I said.

I can always be reached specifically by PM if you need something from me.

GOOD LUCK! and you ARE doing the right thing by telling him before he finds out.

September 8th, 2009, 03:01 AM
I also think you should tell him. If he's going to be a bitch there's nothing you can do about it, but at least then you know where you stand. If you've told other people then sooner or later he will find out, so it would be better coming from you.

September 8th, 2009, 06:48 AM
Tell him. If he is your friend, he won't care what your orientation is, and be cool about it. However, it will be a shcok to him, so a few days apart won't hurt. Let it sink in his head and give him time to accept who you are. If he does suspect you hittin on him, explain to him that you aren't. The worst case is that he unfriends you. If it goes that far, which i doubt it will, you need to either remake your friendship, or let him go and find someone else, but first thing is first. Tell him the absolute truth

diamond jetstream
September 12th, 2009, 11:55 PM
get one of your friends to say to him that you dont want to stop being friends anymore but you want him to know your sexuality.
on a second note u dont really need him to know unless you like like him

September 13th, 2009, 09:33 AM
I definitely had this exact same problem in the eighth grade. My friend Mike was super homophobic, and I was kinda scared to tell him, but I knew that I had to do it, so I just went ahead and said it. Things were awkward for a little bit, but overall he was pretty cool about it, and him being like the toughest guy on the wrestling team, nobody dared to mess with me.

So my advice is to tell him, but don't expect anything immediately. Chances are it will take time, but if he's a real friend like Mike was to me, he'll come around.

The Harlequin
September 13th, 2009, 01:20 PM
I nearly told him the other day, only I wasn't sure if some of our mutual friends were out of earshot ~ they're not as good friends as this guy, and I really didn't want them to overhear it because I just don't trust them as much, I really wanted to tell him but I was absolutely crapping myself... Is that wierd to anyone else?

Ughhh, this is not gonna be pretty, is it? (:^{

The Joker
September 13th, 2009, 07:04 PM
It's not weird. It's scary, I know. You can do it, Stuart!

September 14th, 2009, 06:53 PM
It'll be very scary, but the easiest thing to do is to get it done and over with, I agree with alot of people here, you should tell him, and theoretically, if you are as good as friends as you say you are, why would that change just because you are telling him about yourself? I have a homophobic friend, it was hard as hell to tell him (primarily because i have the most amazing crush on him) :P it took him a little while, but in the end, he figured we'd been friends for so long, that it didnt matter. I say go for it. and Best of luck to you :D

The Harlequin
September 15th, 2009, 05:13 PM
It's not weird. It's scary, I know. You can do it, Stuart!

D'awwww (:'^} thanks KITN!!!
I have an update btw, we were waiting for a few the same two to meet us outside school for lunch, and we were on our own, and I brought up how I thought gay guys were fine so long as they didn't shove it in my fce (straight guys most ALWAYS agree to this on some level I've found as it's not unreasonable) and he agreed, he said that he was fine with it but really really in-your-face gay (like Julian Cleary, who was on Live At The Apollolast time I was at his, and he grunted something like "queer freak" which made me shit scared, but then even I was freaked out by how he looked) then he finds it repulsive.

But then just as I was summoning up the balls to tell him, getting that awful nervous feeling in my gut, I saw our mates walking up to us and I knew that I didn't have time, it was the wrong place right then... (X^{

Ohhhh goddddddddd (N) this is awful.......

September 15th, 2009, 05:25 PM
I think that you should definatley tell him before he finds out from som1 else. He will feel very hurt if he thought you didnt "trust" him.

Fourth Dimension
September 20th, 2009, 12:53 AM
well yea you might wanna tell him because i was in a similar situation you see my bff from my dads town came out to me in 06 i was like the first person he told and i just recently started coming out in like early 08 and i didnt tell him first i knew he would be ok with it but i didnt tell him i dont know why i was afraid to and he found out from someone else he was upset about it

September 20th, 2009, 11:04 PM
To say the least your friend sounds like someone I once called my best friend. I didn't tell him but told everyone else and eventually he found out. I didn't tell him because I thought he'd disown me. He was more upset that I didn't tell him and turned out to be not homophobic, he just liked to bash gays a lot... I dunno. Either way, telling him will probably be easier on both of you, a dishonest relationship will not function, secrets hurt people. I found this out the hard way.

September 21st, 2009, 05:58 PM
this might sound mean but if my friend told me this i would still be his friend but i would be scarred he might want me... I am somewhat curious but i dont wana go there im avoiding it.....

The Joker
September 21st, 2009, 07:15 PM
As a straight guy, do you want to fuck every girl you see?

The same logic goes for gay guys.

The Joker
September 21st, 2009, 07:18 PM
As a straight guy, do you want to fuck every girl you see?

The same logic goes for gay guys.

The Harlequin
September 22nd, 2009, 02:05 AM
For the record ~ Coming Out and Coming Onto are two completely different things, I mean everyone who is GLB will have to come ou to their family, where's the connection between this and bedding them?!

EUGH!!! Sorry about that people, just had to make my point, and thanks for the backup Rabbit (:^,

September 22nd, 2009, 05:13 AM
tell him or he could find out from someone else, that would be alot worse.