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View Full Version : No Sleep = Just another manic monday!


MsSarah
June 14th, 2009, 03:36 PM
oh man, I had racing thoughts and wasnt sleeping for about a week and a half. in my previous post about meds there hasnt been much good on sleep for me. im still kind of jumbled but, anyways... i saw my doctor today so now im on 75mg lamictal bid, .5mg clonazepam bid, 60mg zeldox bid, seroquel 300mg qhs they took me off of the prozac. anyways. i forget what night it was but i had a vision that my sister was telling me to "do it" i didnt know what it was but i felt compelled to take my mom's car and drive to montreal (i live in ontario, canada) needless to say 1) i dont have a full license and 2) i hadnt slept in a week and 3) i was going to montreal to get even with the man who abused me... anyways. i made a stupid stupid stupid mistake and i cant beat myself up enough about it but i decided not to anymore because whats done is done i cant change what happened. and nobody got hurt// anyways, i was pulled over it seemed like i was driving forever but i only got a couple blocks from my house, i didnt have any headlights on just the little low one that doesnt even count. im only 17 i have my beginners. anyways, a really nice police officer pulled me over to warn me about my lights, and yeah his partner recognized me because they were the police who responded to my 911 call in january when they found my father (in his apartment he committed suicide) anyways, i dont really remember a lot of it, i remember being told to do it and then when i was in the hospital i thought it would be a good idea to get undressed, i started to but then they gave me 4mg of ativan, which took like 3 hours to kick in im not even sure if it worked. but i still cant believe i took the car and was actually driving I hate driving! anyways the police officer goes "im not going to charge you tonight" and i was so naturally high that im like laughing saying great youre going to charge me tomorrow right ? and he goes no im not going to charge you at all. but then he goes he was going to call the Ministry of transportation and i might possibly get my licence revoked and have to go through the whole process again within the next year... anyways, this would make for the 3rd time in 3 months that i was sent to the same Mental Health unit and the doctor told me i was acting crazy...needless to say i agreed and i was committed on a form 1 because i was a danger to others. i agreed with that too, they upped my seroquel to 300mg i slept like a fricken log, and slowly but surely came down from my high now its kind of lingering above "normal" so im pretty darn close to feeling like "Sarah" again. and i feel confident in my medications and my wellness journey plan so cross my fingers; bitches that i dont need the hospital anytime soon cause frankly my dear i dont think they give a damn. (no thats not true just being a smart ass for those GWTW fans and but seriously they probably dont want to see me for a bit lol) im back on 2 weeks with my pdoc 1week with tdoc and 1 week with a case manager. so i feel good. But not too good! like i did. like i said im still coming down. but i dont know is it weird that i was depressed and then "manic" am i going to crash again. i was only ever manic once before in my life ive been hypomanic a lot and i usually just drift back down to "normal Sarah" instead of crashing?? is this weird? haha i KNOW I am weird. lol// anyways im rambling, i see ,my doctor again on wednesday. and then my GP next week too. they all work together good. anyways. i just thought it was different ive never experienced such a high (and i definitely dont want it to happen again because i realize the consequences that couldve (and thankfully didnt) happened.) ive never been high on drugs before, and i definetly dont want to try drugs and im not going to stop my meds because in two and a half years i had 2 manic episodes and many many many depressed episodes. If i stop my meds i know i would get down more likely than up, the only time i would stop my meds would be doctor ordered. anyways good news, i wasnt arrested bad news i made an ass out of my self in front of the cops, he goes to me... get the help, its there for you... i hold out my hand to shake his and i say "pleasure doing business with you" im such a moron lol... oh well you gotta laugh at some things.
ps. ive been diagnosed with bipolar, borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and with generalized anxiety disorder.since i was 15 and now i am approaching my 18th bday, i am excited. but as my friends on bipolarsupport. like to say just a whole lot of bat shit crazy lol.

"Im not a mental health professional; I'm just mental."
Sarah
<3

IAMSAM
June 14th, 2009, 11:35 PM
Well, that's quite a story, Sarah! The 'moral' of it is to stay on those meds and work with the docs to keep you straight. Being high doesn't sound good at all!