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Rolla7
April 24th, 2009, 08:58 PM
Hello, I'm 15, a Freshman in high school, and think I may have Bi-Polar Disorder. You see, I had my first major depressive episode in July, lasting partially into August. I came very close to suicide during that time, as in a trigger pull away. That was before I started actually looking at the symptoms of bipolar disorder and thinking I had, which is something I've only done since February.

Something I think I should mention is that I was diagnosed with ADD in May of last year. But it seems that might actually just be the symptoms of bipolar disorder manifesting itself as ADD. I think I could have inherited it from my mother, as while she has never been diagnosed bipolar, I have seen her talking to doctors about it and picking up pamphlets about it. As of right now, I've been confiding in a Sophomore friend of mine who went through a suicidal depression recently.

I've been having feelings of what I guess you could say are hopelessness and paranoia for a years, but I've kind of thought it was normal, as it would happen on and off every 3-4 weeks.

My last suicidal thought was about 3 weeks ago, when I considered stealing my Dad's .45 and offing myself in the music suite at school. But I've started having them again. My older friend has dismissed it as hormones, but I don't think it is. I haven't felt very hungry recently, and kind of feel like just laying around.
At the beginning of this semester, I weighed 130lbs. I now weigh 115lbs.

Even my friends say I've been acting differently. I have only told two people about the above, so they don't know. I've kind of been throwing up an act at school.

I've even lost a friend from this, another sophomore. She said she couldn't handle the stress of this, and now refuses to talk to me. Kind of makes me want to off myself even more, thinking how angry I got her at me.

Please, I just want some help, that's all. I haven't told my parents, but I don't think they'd react well. I've been thinking of seeing a shrink lately. Should I?

Hyper
April 25th, 2009, 01:50 AM
Yes You should! Bi-Polar is something that can't be diagnosed by some kids online who aren't even close to being professional doctors ( the same applies to any other mental illness )

Regardless of what You think how they'll react tell You're parents. If Your mother has some kind of experience with depression I'm sure she'll atleast try and get you good help.

And You can always post on this forum if you feel like You've been left alone :)

Kaleidoscope Eyes
April 26th, 2009, 03:54 PM
Bi-Polar is something that can be diagnosed by some kids online who aren't even close to being professional doctors ( the same applies to any other mental illness )

I think you meant "can't", but I'm not going to assume and edit it for you. Just thought I'd mention it in case you wanted to edit it yourself. :)

Otherwise, I agree with your post. Bipolar or not, the depression is an issue which needs to be dealt with. Talk to your parents, and see your general physician. They may be able to recommend someone for you to see, and it's good to let them know what's going on. The sooner you can start telling someone and looking for help, the sooner you can start feeling better. :)

Rolla7
April 28th, 2009, 09:27 PM
I've had some suicidal fantasies. I keep imagining ending it all at school, during 7th period in front of the class. And the stress of one of the only two people you can confide in suddenly wanting nothing to do with you for no apparent reason certainly isn't helping. It kinda just makes me want to end it more really.

Anyway, this kind of stuff isn't new to me. And it'd certainly help, I think, if I could actually physically cry. I don't know why I can't. I get sad enough to, my eyes well up, but no tears come. I have tears when I yawn, but thats it. No emotional tears, none at all.

Hyper
April 29th, 2009, 03:48 PM
I think you meant "can't", but I'm not going to assume and edit it for you. Just thought I'd mention it in case you wanted to edit it yourself. :)

Otherwise, I agree with your post. Bipolar or not, the depression is an issue which needs to be dealt with. Talk to your parents, and see your general physician. They may be able to recommend someone for you to see, and it's good to let them know what's going on. The sooner you can start telling someone and looking for help, the sooner you can start feeling better. :)

Ahh caught by my NEMESIS!

Rolla7 You need to see someone who can give You professional advice and medication if necessary and refer you to a theraphist.

If You don't know why You feel sad or what is causing it, then there is no way You can come out of it alone.

Rolla7
April 29th, 2009, 03:54 PM
Well what would be a good way to break it to my parents? I'd rather not mention the suicidal part, for fear of their reaction and scaring them, but I still would like to convince them to take me to a GP or shrink.

Hyper
April 29th, 2009, 04:09 PM
Well what would be a good way to break it to my parents? I'd rather not mention the suicidal part, for fear of their reaction and scaring them, but I still would like to convince them to take me to a GP or shrink.

Well I wish I could share personal experience on that one..

But it depends so much on the parents, assuming they are understanding and want to help You, I'd just ask them if they could get you to see a psychiatrist/psychologist ( they are both different ) and if they ask why explain that You are feeling depressed for no real reason and have been for awhile now.