View Full Version : What to do now...

April 8th, 2009, 04:33 AM
This is the third post I have made on this girl that I love. Sorry that I couldn't bring it up in the previous one, but things seem to change every week!

Anyway, there's this girl who I'm really close friends with, but I love her and see her more than just that. As I said in previous posts, I would love to take things further with her from what they already are. Anyway I mentioned previously how I felt that may be too difficult because of the fact she was like one of my best friends and that I wasn't sure she saw me as more than "just a good friend". She'd given me plenty of ideas that she saw me as more than a friend because of the way she seemed to flirt with me and the stuff she would talk to me about. However I thought she was falling for my best friend, but I have since found out that he does not like her in the same way back and that she only has a 'soft spot' for him. This leads me onto my latest dilemma...

I told one of my friends about how I felt (he is friends with her too). Last week I told my best friend (the one I thought she was falling for), and both these people have been really supportive to me. My best friend was adamant she liked me back but the other friend wasn't so sure, but thought she might. Anyways, last night I was out with them two, and they were pressurising me to tell her, but I didn't want to just yet because I didn't want to get hurt because I've not been the luckiest people in life (not one of the most unfortunate either though I'll add). Anyway, the both of them decided to find out if she liked me over instant messenger. My best friend (who was adamant that she liked me back), kept trying to tell her how good a person I was etc etc, and he was positive that what she was saying back was good. She admitted to him that I was better than one of her exes. The other friend told her that I really liked her, and he asked her how she felt about me, the conversation went a bit like this (F=friend, G=the girl I love)...

F=Why would you not want to go out with him, he's such a great guy.
G=I just like being single I don't really want a bf at the moment.
F=What, do you not like him like that?
G=I don't think so.
F=Don't feel terrible about it.
G=I know, but he's such a great guy.

I really don't know what to make of that. He (the friend) said he was really sorry to me, he knew how much I loved her and was really sorry for me that she didn't think she liked me in the same way back. My best friend feels pretty bad too, because he was sure she returned the feelings I had for her.

Anyway, I feel like absolute sh*t because of this. I'm one of her closest friends and all, but this just hurts so much - the fact she's not sure she likes me back. I know there's the possibility to work on soemthing here, but I don't want to ruin a good friendship! I was thinking about telling her how I felt soon, but after that last night, I don't really see the point. However, I do feel like phoning her or when I see her next apologising for it having to be through them two she found out about how I felt, and not through myself. I could slip my true feelings to her then, so she knows this is for real. Also, I would find out how she really feels then, but would be prepared to cope if what she has said was true. Is this the right thing to do? Or should I just carry on being this "great guy" :what: that I've been desribed as?

Help would be very much appreciated as I don't want this to get in the way of my life too much, although that is easier said than done at the moment. Thanks for your time, and apologies for the length of that post!

April 8th, 2009, 06:41 AM
there are some keys things here. she says she thinks you are a great guy, etc. but she also says she doesn't want a bf right now. listen to what she is saying. if she doesn't want a bf right now, then at least hold off on telling her how you feel. but really, if you are so close to her being friends, you need to figure out whether it is worth the risk. she thinks you're a great guy. well thats great of course, but maybe she doesn't mean great in that way? maybe great as in a great friend? the most important things here is to not over analyise every word she has said. if you choose to tell her how you feel, try and feel the vibe from her, don't make a judgement from every single sentance or word coming out of her mouth. also, be patient. she doesn't want a bf right now. give her some time and see what happens. but the most important decision to make is whether its worth risking your friendship for?

April 9th, 2009, 04:57 AM
Well I take your points on board, she is a really close friend to me, but I just have these intense feelings for her.
Last night I was speaking to her on msn about her ex boyfriend who she split up with nearly a year ago. She was telling me what he said etc etc, and he was really really horrible, and I ca't get over just how disrespectful and hurting he was to her (didn't know her that well when she split up with him hence why I was only properly finding out last night). It makes me sick knowing that he told her he loved her - and that in the end he obviously didn't. Anyway I was comforting her telling her that he made a huge mistake and that he was the one who was missing out on a really great person and that she was always too good for him. Her responses to what I was saying included...

-"You're a really good friend :)"
-"I don't want anything in life justnow. I don't want a relationship justnow because of what has happened in the past."

I told her that she shouldn't let her ex ruin her future and told her he was mantal and crazy to not see what he had and that she just now needs to open her eyes because there are people out there who appreciate and love her for who she truely is (obviously I'm one of them). Her response was "I know" and she went on to say how she's still scared though, of the future. She said that she was scared there is someone out there she will have kids with etc but may not know them yet. So I said "Maybe the person isn't far away, maybe you do know them. Like I said, it may be a case of just opening your eyes and looking beyond your past."
So was what I said right? The impression I'm getting here is that I'm only seen as a really good friend, does that mean there is no way of her returning the feelings I have for her? Or will it take time if she is to?