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Underground_Network
March 24th, 2009, 07:14 PM
K, so as those of you who "know" me or at least those of you who have read my past threads here know, I've always struggled around girls. Lately I've completely changed, but I still can't get myself to talk to most girls, especially those I find attractive (which is most of them 0.o).

I'm 100X less shy than I used to be and I'm a lot more confident. After going through a massive state of depression only a few weeks ago, I've more than recovered. I'm happy and, well, if I wasn't so lazy/still somewhat anti-social, I'd have a "great" social life...

But that's beside the point... What I need is just some advice on how to befriend girls I barely know.... Not necessarily how to ask anyone out, but just what to say. I don't want to come across as to f-ing strange or to f-ing obsessed with them, but I want to be nice (because that's who I am). I'm just afraid telling a girl I barely know she has beautiful eyes or that she has really nice hair, etc. will be awkward/strange. I'm afraid if I say hi it will weird a girl out or just drive her away.

I mean, most of the friends I have that are girls, or the girls that I'm friendly with, took the initiative and began talking with me. And even one of my closest "friends" that's a girl has a tough time conversing with me (mainly because I just don't know what to say). I just don't know what to say or how to act around girls.

I'm so in awe of them, they're such beautiful creatures :P, but fuck, I honestly just don't know what to say or do. I'm extremely creative, extremely charismatic, and extremely persuasive, BUT I'm just afraid that I'll say the wrong thing or that it will come out wrong or that I just won't have the guts to carry on a conversation.

I just don't know... Is flattery an okay way of approaching a girl I barely know? Is just saying hi going to work? I mean, I think I have the confidence to approach girls I kind of know (mutual friends, girls that share classes with me, etc.), but my current crush and a couple of other girls that really intrigue me are girls I don't know period...

And before anyone advises me to talk with them online or anything like that, take note that MSN hasn't worked for me in over two months, and for a multitude of reasons (one of which is explained in my diary and regards a so-called "plan" I have), I don't have a facebook or a myspace or anything like that..

But yeah, any advice is welcome. :/

And yeah, congrats on reading through all of this, because I tend to ramble, which drives most people away... (And as a last note, typing this up was strange for me... 0.o)

IAMSAM
March 24th, 2009, 07:32 PM
I think the easiest way to get to know someone is to talk with them about some common interest/experience. So, after class, you can ask some question or make a comment about something said or done in the class. Or, you can ask a question or make a comment about some experience, like (really) the weather, or the rain, or the fact that you're both wearing a blue sweater. Usually, if the other person is interested, they'll pick up on the cue, and start chatting with you, even if it's not going anywhere, it's about the opportunity to talk with you.

Girls aren't really as mystical as we often make them out to be, they're really more like us than we often think. Try not to focus on the differences or your excitement or desire, just talk about stuff that's going on around you, and you'll be fine. Guys get into 'trouble' when they swing for the fences, thinking that only the wittiest, brightest, or otherwise totally unnatural utterance will get them the girl's interest. What most chicas look for is really more basic than that.

Underground_Network
March 24th, 2009, 07:37 PM
Sam, thank you for your post. I see where you're coming from and that is how I have talked with guys and girls alike (mainly guys) in most of my classes... But what I really need to know is how to approach a girl who really doesn't know me at all and who I rarely see (who doesn't share any classes with me, who technically speaking doesn't have any mutual friends with me, etc.)...

I just don't know how she'd react if after school or during school in the halls I were to walk up to her and just say hi or even compliment her. I mean, I know certain girls would like it if a guy were to compliment them, even if they barely knew him, but I also I know that certain girls wouldn't like it or would be thrown off/turned off by it. Different girls react in different ways and I'm just afraid I'll say the wrong thing.

I know when you talk about things that can't really offend or put off someone it can develop into a deeper conversation, but I just don't know... I suck at starting conversations, especially with girls, and I just don't know if I can get myself to go up to a girl I barely know and even say "hello" let alone enter a whole conversation with them. :/

IAMSAM
March 24th, 2009, 08:08 PM
Maybe some girls will respond here and give you their perspective. But, I think you might be thinking too much about 'how' to do it, iIthink you add unnecessary stress. Even if a girl isn't in a class or anything, there's still some shared experience you can use. It's not the topic, Adam, it's the opening the topic provides. So, if she's interested in you, then it really doesnt matter what you say, she'll respond favorably and you'll feel more confident just getting into it. All you need is an opportunity and a comment, it could be as simple as 'hi, boy, I'm in a rush', and even keep moving. If you say things like that over a few days, you'll know if she's interested, she'll start responding to you.

It might sound corny, but it works. Just remember to keep your eye on the ball, a base hit is all you're after, and give it some time.

justme21
March 24th, 2009, 08:16 PM
hmm it would be kinda weird talking to a girl that your not friends with any of her friends so its like being a new kids to you ive never experience this because most of my friends know almost everone at my school. Id say that if your nervous and you see them in the ahallway that you accidently bump into her and then say hey im osrry just to get thing soff but from there it would be kinda acward talking to her just because you bumped into her but its a start.

Underground_Network
March 25th, 2009, 03:40 PM
I had one opportunity to talk to my crush today, but I just didn't know what to say and let it pass me by. I tried to get the name of a close friend of her's that I see (because I find it easier to talk to someone I don't know when I know their name in advance), but my friends had no idea who I was talking about when I asked them if they knew her name so that didn't pan out. What I may do is still approach said friend of my crush during my 9th period class (gym) tomorrow, and just try and talk to her, and maybe get her to "introduce me" to my crush.

But I really don't know, I see my crush a minimum of one time a day (when she's in school), and a maximum of like four or five times. Sometimes she passes by my locker at the end of the school day, but I waited there for around ten minutes after school today and she never passed by it, so I didn't have the opportunity I was hoping for to talk to her today. I honestly don't know if I'll ever work up the guts to talk to her, but I really hope I do...

But yeah, even if I do, I still don't know what to say. If were to walk up to a table full of girls at lunch (where only one girl 'kinda' knows me) and try to talk to my crush, what should I say? I just don't know, it would be strange walking up to a girl who doesn't really know and trying to talk to her, while all of her friends are there kind of staring me down (whether they'd actually do that or not is beyond me, its just how I picture it)...

I just don't know, my chances of seeing her when she's more or less alone are slim unless I choose to "stalk" her, so I just can't have that opportunity without a little bit of luck on my side, and I talk best with girls when its just me and them; when we're not surrounded by other people. I like people, I like talking to them, I just don't like crowds. I hate walking in the halls in my school, I hate being crammed into large classrooms with people I barely know, etc. I don't mind being in a room with two people I don't know very well, but chalk that up to twenty people and I'm distraught out of my mind. But yeah, I just don't know.

Tomorrow I'll try to talk to any girl I see that I don't really know all too well (that I'd like to get to know better), but I don't know if I'll even get myself to do it or how things will pan out. I just don't know how good I am at reading people. Sometimes I think based on how a girl looks at me she might be interested in me or she definitely doesn't find me unattractive, but I really don't know. I know based on what my friends have said that I'm good at reading body language, but I'm not sure I'm really that good.

I just don't want to walk up to a girl under the assumption that she likes me and fuck things up. That and my mind just operates under the assumption that every girl despises me... :/

Crap, this is a long post... :/