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View Full Version : A horrible situation to say the least...


rossafc92
February 9th, 2009, 01:40 PM
I think I like someone a LOT. Infact, more than that. There's a problem here though, that being she is one of my best friends but I've only known her just over a year and only liked her in that way over the past few months. Now I don't think I could ever bring myself round to asking her out because there are a few major barriers.

These include...

1. I've never been out with anyone before. Never asked and never been asked. I wouldn't have a clue what to say/do etc...I'm not at my easiest when I'm with females!
2. There's a group of us who are all friends, about 10 of us and we're all really close I'd say (myself and said girl are included). If I were to ask, I think the whole situation would be very awkward amongst us 10, and I know I would find it very wierd indeed.
3. One of the people in this group apparently really likes me. She is also one of my best friends. Problem is, I don't like her in the same way as she likes me (or so I am lead to believe "the way she likes me"). If I were to ask the girl I actually really like out, I think I'd make the person who likes me really upset, because all my other friends (in this group) including the girl I really like are very sure that she likes me a lot. So much so that I now know through her best friend (also in the group) that she wants me to ask her out. I could never do that because I do not like her in that way, and she is going through a very difficult time already (family reasons) - I couldn't make her feel worse.
4. The other problem is, is that I'm not sure she (back to the original girl that I like) likes me in the same way as I like her. I have no concrete evidence to support that, but I'm just not sure.
5. Another problem: I feel there may be too much going on in my own life already without having to deal with rejection. I'm currently studying Scottish Highers (5 of them), and it's such a lot of hard work. Also, I have major family problems (one of my parents is suffering from serious clinical depression and anxiety attacks and has been for past 15 months) - and its a huge stress on me. Also in the past two years I've had the passing of a close relative and had scoliosis surgery done...and I don't think I could take having to deal with having another negative incident in my life.

So basically, I love her. I think I know this because on friday I was at a party at her house, and she was flirting with some boy I've never seen before and he was flirting back...and I was extremely jealous! Also, I was at another party on saturday, she was there too. At the end we were all hugging saying bye and that, and when she hugged me, by god I was nervous, then I managed to stare into her eyes for a few seconds with her staring back, heightening how nervous I got. Nobody seems to know I like her. As you can now see I'm in a bit of a sticky situation! Any help or just advice would be comforting, you don't need to give answers as such. Thanks for your time readers.

Dangleman
February 9th, 2009, 02:13 PM
man, you got one hell of a situation.
as for the girl you like:
try flirting with her

AllThatIsLeft
February 9th, 2009, 02:18 PM
it all comes down to what you want to do, you seem to really like this girl but dont want to risk rejection, or awkwardness within your group of friends.
You will never know how she feels about you, until you let her know how you feel.

you should consider telling her, but as a precaution do not expect anything. it will save you the pain if she rejects and you'll be truly surprised if it turns out she likes you back.

BTW.. your first reason isn't really a reason, everyone starts there, and it comes naturally.

rossafc92
February 9th, 2009, 02:37 PM
it all comes down to what you want to do, you seem to really like this girl but dont want to risk rejection, or awkwardness within your group of friends.
You will never know how she feels about you, until you let her know how you feel.

you should consider telling her, but as a precaution do not expect anything. it will save you the pain if she rejects and you'll be truly surprised if it turns out she likes you back.

BTW.. your first reason isn't really a reason, everyone starts there, and it comes naturally.

First point...at the moment that would be too risky, if do end up letting her know, I will have to wait a while first.

Second point...yeah I know its not a reason, I just thought I would include it.

Help is really appreciated. The situation I'm in is kind of annoying!!! Arggghhhh!!!!!

IAMSAM
February 9th, 2009, 02:56 PM
I think you might be thinking too much here. Lead with your heart, but remember that the only person who can hear your heart is you. Unless the other person is veeery close to you. Which she isn't yet.

There's really no benefit to 'Asking her out'. This comes up a lot, guys want to 'Ask out' chicas they hardly know. It's a way of (trying ) to secure something, but it's so formal that it becomes intimidating, so guys back away from any form of connection, unlesss it's *that* one.

What you want is the closeness and exclusivity that comes with a formalized 'agreement', it feels more secure. But, that 'agreement' doesn't guarantee that. Closeness doesn't need to be spoken to be experienced and validated.

So, my contrarian advice here is to be with her as a friend and let that friendship grow and develop, without the baggage of 'Going out'. Friends do a lot of very personal things that allow emotional intimacy to develop: They talk, hang out, do things. The connection grows, the feelings grow, and the closeness becomes apparent, even if it's not labelled as 'going out'.

Just spend some time with her, talk with her, connect with her in all the ways you can think of, and let things grow naturally. And when you're both really sure that *it* is there, she'll hear that heart of yours, and neither of you will need to talk of it or formalize it.

Just be her friend and let it happen.

rossafc92
February 10th, 2009, 12:38 PM
I think you might be thinking too much here. Lead with your heart, but remember that the only person who can hear your heart is you. Unless the other person is veeery close to you. Which she isn't yet.

There's really no benefit to 'Asking her out'. This comes up a lot, guys want to 'Ask out' chicas they hardly know. It's a way of (trying ) to secure something, but it's so formal that it becomes intimidating, so guys back away from any form of connection, unlesss it's *that* one.

What you want is the closeness and exclusivity that comes with a formalized 'agreement', it feels more secure. But, that 'agreement' doesn't guarantee that. Closeness doesn't need to be spoken to be experienced and validated.

So, my contrarian advice here is to be with her as a friend and let that friendship grow and develop, without the baggage of 'Going out'. Friends do a lot of very personal things that allow emotional intimacy to develop: They talk, hang out, do things. The connection grows, the feelings grow, and the closeness becomes apparent, even if it's not labelled as 'going out'.

Just spend some time with her, talk with her, connect with her in all the ways you can think of, and let things grow naturally. And when you're both really sure that *it* is there, she'll hear that heart of yours, and neither of you will need to talk of it or formalize it.

Just be her friend and let it happen.

First point........to be honest, despite mentioning it, I don't really think I would ask her out at the moment, I know that things would just be far too awkward at the moment if I did it: for me, the girl I like and the girl I mentioned who likes me. I'm pretty sure my group of friends would see the situation wierd too. They'd find it wierd even if just one of them found out, because I'm sure none of them know I like this girl.

Second point........that's exactly what I was intending to do and am going to: just continue the friendship and let things happen naturally, if they are at all going to. Got another party this weeked and she's going. Perfect opportunity in my eyes, even if I do see her at school every day.

Keep the advice coming though please, it just feels better to hear what you lot have to say and to talk about it more...thanks :).

rossafc92
February 16th, 2009, 08:22 AM
This is getting worse!

Requin
February 16th, 2009, 09:11 AM
Okay. Even though what the others have said is very good advice. Especially (as usual) sams and Paula's.

I had the same problem. Even though it's past me on now. You don't want to ask her out, good, that's the best idea really.
The only thing that I can advise that you will like and is reasonable to do; is to just get to know her more. Get closer to her, talk to her more, see her more, go to more parties with her etc.

I think that flirting wouldn't work, as it might confuse her. Just remain a good friend, but try and be a better one..do what I said above.
I hope it all goes well for you dude. With me, sadly it didn't happen but I'm still very good friends with her, and pesonally, I prefer it like that.

Who knows what will happen with you and her...but I hope you are happy about it whatever happens. :-)

rossafc92
February 16th, 2009, 09:17 AM
The only thing that I can advise that you will like and is reasonable to do; is to just get to know her more. Get closer to her, talk to her more, see her more, go to more parties with her etc.

I think that flirting wouldn't work, as it might confuse her. Just remain a good friend, but try and be a better one..do what I said above.
I hope it all goes well for you dude. With me, sadly it didn't happen but I'm still very good friends with her, and pesonally, I prefer it like that.

Who knows what will happen with you and her...but I hope you are happy about it whatever happens. :-)

Well, you say get to be a better friend with her etc...well that's exactly what happened this whole weekend. We were at a friends house on friday (this friend is in the group I mentioned in my earlier post) and we kept exchanging smiling glances at eachother. Exactly the same on Saturday and Sunday (a few of us from the group including me and the girl I like obviously were staying at a different friends house over night), except we were talking on our own for much more saturday/sunday. Has she realised I like her? Does she like me?

Requin
February 16th, 2009, 09:21 AM
Of course she likes you. Note that I said she 'likes' you. Whether she likes you in an attracted way is another matter. I and others can't tell you if she does fancy you or not, as we don't know her. I'm afraid the only way you'll find out is by you judging it. Look for the signs.

But for now...keep doing what your doing, and see where it goes. You can't rush love, read Jane Austin, and you'll understand what I mean. :-)

rossafc92
February 16th, 2009, 10:16 AM
Of course she likes you. Note that I said she 'likes' you. Whether she likes you in an attracted way is another matter. I and others can't tell you if she does fancy you or not, as we don't know her. I'm afraid the only way you'll find out is by you judging it. Look for the signs.

But for now...keep doing what your doing, and see where it goes. You can't rush love, read Jane Austin, and you'll understand what I mean. :-)

I'm not thinking of rushing anything, because I would think that would only make things turn for the bad.

But when we were exchanging these glances (which when I think of it now, I can't believe I never found awkward), I couldn't help but think that she liked me in the same sort of the same way I like her. We are really good friends I'd say, so i don't want to ruin that. But if there's a chance it could go further, I'd like to take it because I've never felt this way about someone before.