Am I wrong?

[lithium chain.]

Basically, I have a close friend... and truth be told, we've both been through some pretty tough things in life.

I'm not asking for a "whose life is worse?" type of answer, because I don't like comparing like that. I try to put myself on an even level with everyone, and judge personal problems the same regardless of complexity, it's just that every time I turn around, he's judging me, telling me how much better my life is, and it bugs me... because he doesn't know everything, and I can't stand when people judge me.

Basically, our lives are flip flopped. Whereas his life was 'meh' when he was growing up, it's gotten worse now, especially with his parents. Mine was hell growing up, but now, I'm starting to make a little bit of progress with my family. My mom, my sisters, and I can actually talk without the police getting involved, and I can be around my mom and my sister without us all duking it out. But, until recently - and it's still quite a bit the same way now - my life was admittedly, hell. I went through things that some people on this site probably couldn't imagine.

I know that he's having a hard time because his parents pick his younger sister over him quite a bit, and it leaves him out in the cold... and I'm trying to do what I can to help him with his life while dealing with my own (I'm in the process of trying to get into rehab for drug addiction... I've been throwing up and going into convulsions for days because of withdrawals, and it'll be any day before I'm back on it...) and I'm not sure what to do. It gets hard to be there to give him an encouraging word when he's constantly telling me that I have no reason to be depressed, and, well, yeah.

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation.
Usually, I can figure out how to deal on my own, but I am stuck here.
Am I wrong for getting frustrated with him when he lashes out at me?

I can understand how he feels to a point, considering that my sisters have my back, and the only blood relatives he has up here (besides his mom) are assholes a lot of the time... but I don't appreciate being told that I have no right to resent other people or feel the way I do.

I try not to judge... but, honestly, he doesn't do much to help himself. He does provoke his parents sometimes... but I won't say much more. I have more to say, but I won't say it. I'll be a hypocrite if I do.

You wouldn't believe how much this is bugging me. I figure, that, as close friends, we should be able to talk... and neither one should be trying to belittle the other one or make them feel like they're wrong for feeling the way they do.

Just a few months ago, when I got thrown out of my mom's house (yet again,) and I had no idea where I was going to go, or how I was going to live... and he could go to his parents, get what he wanted or needed most of the time, and had a guaranteed place to go either way, I didn't judge him, or lecture him about how much better his life was than mine.

I'm trying to just leave it as "he's just going through a tough time, let it be..." but it bugs me a little more every time he does it, and I have a feeling that we're going to have it out really soon if it doesn't stop.

Any input would really help.
I think it's so weird that I can't figure out what to do.
I'm usually good at solving situations like this by myself.
:s

[essasteph]

Same thing happened with my and my best friend last year, except I was in your friend's position and her in yours,
Except I'd get stuck playing shrink all of the time and not have time to deal with my own problems.

The thing is, mabye a break from eachother will be a good thing,
That's what we did.
So you going to rehab may serve a double purpose.
While you're gone, both of you can sort things out with yourselves.
You both just have to realize that it's not a competition about who has/had it worse,
It's just about helping eachother the best that you can and being there for eachother.
Just have patience and take a small break from eachother,
If your friendship is truly strong and worth it, you guys will find a way of working it out.
I'm positive things will work out, just give it some time adn everything will be alright = )

[KGTM]

Yea you both need to stop competing (not choosing anyone) its just not healthy and it will save your friendship. So maybe call him up ad try to talk this out. I don't really know what else to say cause all my friends say that I have a terrible life.

[Prince Jellyfish]

Prima: I have more infection wounds than you!
Segunda: NO, I DO!
*fight*

Seriously, this is a stupid thing to fight over. In fact, what makes it so stupid is that you're simply adding more problems rather than trying to help each other.

[ScotsGirl]

I think Steph gave you some good advice there :-)

Its a really difficult situation to deal with.

I guess a lot of the time we dont appreciate the things we have in our lives until they're gone. And so when they are gone, we get angry (mostly at ourselves, but its never easy to admit to being angry at ourselves so we take it out on other people) because others have what we used to have and they dont appreciate it...

Yes in theory this is something you should be able to sit down and talk about with your friend.
But in reality, it is something he has to realise for himself...

I honestly don't know what you can do to "fix" this. Like I said, I really do think some things in life you have to learn to realise yourself, and this could possibly one of those things for your friend.
What can you do? What is a friend supposed to do? Be there, listen to him if he needs to talk, vent, rant, or even just moan how his life is shit and no one elses is. Try not to dish out advice he doesnt want to hear, or tell him that he shouldnt be feeling the way he is. Chances are, even if he doesnt admit it, some part of him knows it (it might be a really really small part right now... ). Try and encourage him to look at the good things, or maybe help him work through some of the bad things.
No, it isnt going to be easy for you, and dont feel like it is something you have to do.
With friendship, you sometimes have to take the bad with the good. But sometimes friendships arent really what we once thought they were, and they arent worth continuing.
But hopefully, if you ever found yourself in that situation in the future, and you felt the same anger and possibly "unfairness" he feels, hopefully someone would take the time and be there for you.

xxx

[walkin_contradiction]

i dont really think that you are wrong for getting frustrated with him. i mean, you know how bad you have it but since he doesnt know the entire story of your life he feels, that from what he sees, you have the better life.

like steph said, maybe you guys should take a break from each other. it can only makes things better. you guys need to realize that you both have it bad, leave it at that and just help each other out. competeing for the title of "my life sucks worse" isnt going to help your friendship in any way. sometimes getting away from the people you are closest to makes things start to work out between you.

just try it. like steph said, rehab can be used for more than just the drug addiction...use it to fix your friendship.

[lithium chain.]

Prima: I have more infection wounds than you!
Segunda: NO, I DO!
*fight*

Seriously, this is a stupid thing to fight over. In fact, what makes it so stupid is that you're simply adding more problems rather than trying to help each other.

Actually, it'd be stupid if I was doing that.
As a matter of fact, I've pretty much stopped talking when the two of us are around each other to avoid pissing him off.
My hands are tied. :|

I've been trying to do everything I can to help him.
I risked getting shot last night to make sure he had clothes for school this morning.

I just don't know what to do.
Honestly, he's my closest friend.
That's hard for me to deal with because I have a hard time getting close to anyone.
I just want to see things get better for him.
All things aside.