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View Full Version : Trying to get unwilling boyfriend stop smoking


blackwaterkeys
September 10th, 2015, 06:13 AM
My boyfriend was smoking 2 cigarettes a day when I met him and I told him then that I hope that he can quit someday and I was never too pushy about the whole thing, except for one time when he took out a cigarette after we kissed and I took it away from him gently and threw it away. I didn't say much whenever he took out a cigarette to smoke, and for the most part allowed him to do so, because I didn't want him to feel like he couldn't be himself around me and resort to smoking behind my back instead.

So he's been going to uni for about a week now and so we had an agreement that he would try to cut down to smoking 1 cigarette a day the day he started school. We figured that the workload would be a distraction to him. But now he keeps telling me about how he feels tired all the time, has cold palms and sees double vision. I feel bad seeing him struggle like this, but I also feel bad when I see him being soooo reliant on substances just to function. I've been firm, but gentle towards him regarding this issue, but I honestly don't really know what else to say besides 'I love you baby' when he is struggling so hard.

The thing about this whole thing is he isn't entirely willing to quit. He told me when we met that he had already done extensive research about smoking, how it is not the tobacco itself but rather the chemicals and flavours that manufacturers put into cigarettes that do the damage, so I doubt listing the adverse health effects of smoking will help, he's heard it all before. He told me that he feels that the only reason why he is doing this is because of me, and that he never had the intention of quitting smoking, only to keep it to a healthy level. But he is already making progress and I know that if he can just get through these few weeks he will get used to it instead of letting all his effort so far go to waste. I digress, back to the research. I told him that I didn't have all the medical knowledge at my fingertips but I was still pretty certain that smoking is harmful for both him and me (plus the dogs and cats and the children we plan to have in the future).

So my question is, if anyone of you has experienced quitting smoking before, did you experience the same symptoms that my boyfriend is experiencing right now? How did you cope with it? It is harmful to the body, I know he doesn't get proper nutrition because of his circumstances (it's not terrible but just not adequate I feel), so could that be the problem instead? But he's never felt like that before he tried to cut down on smoking. He says that sleep doesn't help that he feels tired the moment he wakes up. If it helps he also drinks a lot of coffee like 3-4 cups a day and I'm sure he won't be able to function without that as well but I have no intention of taking coffee away from him. What can I do, or say, to show support? I want to do this for his sake, not because I want to dictate his life. And I know that ultimately this is his battle to fight, and if he is not willing to quit, then well... I do know one thing though, and that is that my boyfriend has very strong willpower and that if he puts his mind to doing something that he will be able to accomplish it. I just hope that it's the same for quitting.

Riley2015
September 11th, 2015, 09:26 PM
Trying the change someone to what you want is not a good idea and comes across as a little controlling, especially as you say on one occasion he lit a cigarette and you actually took it off him!

You already knew he smoked when you met him. Either accept he smokes or find a non smoking boyfriend because when you date someone it doesn't mean you have the right to make demands and try and change them

johndoe1112
October 18th, 2015, 04:29 PM
Umm let him smoke its his body his choice. If he has to quit smoking than you have to quit something to make it fair