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View Full Version : Self-harming improves my life at the moment...possibly triggering


Dalcourt
September 7th, 2015, 09:46 PM
This might be triggering...

I got back into self-harming again...cutting and burning...it is wrong, I know but the only thing that makes me find peace at the moment.

it is not that I didn't try to stop...I even told my therapist about it. she totally doesn't understand my reasons for self-harming. I really tried to explain, without success, so I'm really alone with it.

it helps me so much in my current situation. my family and friends think that the therapy programme I'm in at the moment is responsible for my feeling better...but sadly it's my having self-harming on a regular basis again
it takes my anger and everything away and makes me feel relaxed.

I feel like I should stop but everything just works so well with it.

Perfectly Flawed
September 8th, 2015, 01:56 AM
I've always agreed with the idea that self-harm should be discouraged unless it's the only thing stopping a suicide.

What other methods have you tried to cope with your problems? Can you explain why they didn't work specifically?

Dalcourt
September 8th, 2015, 02:17 AM
I've always agreed with the idea that self-harm should be discouraged unless it's the only thing stopping a suicide.

What other methods have you tried to cope with your problems? Can you explain why they didn't work specifically?

At the moment it's mainly not about preventing me from suicide or things like that. I go through phases in my life might be due to my suffering from bipolar, where my being depressive suddenly swings to being highly irritated and aggressive.

I get into fights with people for the smallest reasons and would you know maybe kinda punch them for just looking at me the wrong way. I found that when I feel those aggressive phases building up, just leaving...locking myself up somewhere and harming myself instead of them is helping me a lot to calm down. So around others I may appear as totally relaxed and fine afterwards.

And well this is the part about my self-harming I feel like I can't get over cuz it is not only a benefit for me but mostly for others cuz I'm chill and not some aggressive asshole around them.

Perfectly Flawed
September 8th, 2015, 02:47 AM
I somewhat understand where you're coming from. When I self harmed I frequently did it out of anger, but I didn't ever hurt anyone else physically. Have you tried to use medication to fix this? I understand if medication just isn't your thing, it sure wasn't mine.

(Going to bed btw, won't be following up until later)

Fractured Silhouette
September 8th, 2015, 03:40 AM
I understand where you're coming from, but it's not a healthy way to cope with emotions. In the short term SH might provide relief from overwhelming emotions but it will just leave you feeling isolated, alone and embarrassed.

Maybe you could try finding something else to cope with that aggression, like exercise? Exercise has a similar effect to SH in that it too releases endorphin's and has the benefit of being good for you and then usually you're too exhausted to even work up the energy to be annoyed with people.

Dalcourt
September 8th, 2015, 04:08 AM
I somewhat understand where you're coming from. When I self harmed I frequently did it out of anger, but I didn't ever hurt anyone else physically. Have you tried to use medication to fix this? I understand if medication just isn't your thing, it sure wasn't mine.

(Going to bed btw, won't be following up until later)

My therapist isn't one for prescribing meds she wants to solve all problems just by talking about it. And my Dad strongly opposes my taking meds, too...So even if I would like to try em it won't be easy.
They don't know how I really feel however and it's hard to explain to them
I don't want them to think I'm a total nutcase...I mean I'm hardly seen truly mad because of my actions and so they don't believe me when I say I'm afraid I could hurt someone.


I understand where you're coming from, but it's not a healthy way to cope with emotions. In the short term SH might provide relief from overwhelming emotions but it will just leave you feeling isolated, alone and embarrassed.

Maybe you could try finding something else to cope with that aggression, like exercise? Exercise has a similar effect to SH in that it too releases endorphin's and has the benefit of being good for you and then usually you're too exhausted to even work up the energy to be annoyed with people.

Yeah, sometimes working out is a real good solution but sometimes it's just not enough.
I feel alone but I guess if I would just snap I would be alone afterwards, too.
This way or the other...in front of others I usually have to pretend to be someone I'm not.

I really want to find another way to deal with my emotions, though.
But I'm at a loss at the moment.

Just let me give you a short example. I was at a BBQ party. A friend said something that was actually just stupid and not really mean at all but I got so mad I just left. While running home and thinking about what he said I got so worked up that I was just shanking with anger by the time I came home. I was replaying scenarios in my head about killing him...I know it sounds totally ridicoulos but its the truth. If he had crossed my path then I'd seriously harmed him, I'm afraid.

I was throwing stuff around in my room, cursing, screaming into my pillow and shit but I felt the more I tried to calm down the more I worked myself up...the only thing that finally calmed me down was clawing my fingernails into my arm till I was finally bleeding.

It's crazy but I just can't help it.

Fractured Silhouette
September 8th, 2015, 08:01 AM
I really want to find another way to deal with my emotions, though.
But I'm at a loss at the moment.

Just let me give you a short example. I was at a BBQ party. A friend said something that was actually just stupid and not really mean at all but I got so mad I just left. While running home and thinking about what he said I got so worked up that I was just shanking with anger by the time I came home. I was replaying scenarios in my head about killing him...I know it sounds totally ridicoulos but its the truth. If he had crossed my path then I'd seriously harmed him, I'm afraid.

I was throwing stuff around in my room, cursing, screaming into my pillow and shit but I felt the more I tried to calm down the more I worked myself up...the only thing that finally calmed me down was clawing my fingernails into my arm till I was finally bleeding.

It's crazy but I just can't help it.

Another solution recommended to me by my therapist would be meditation, there are a bunch of apps for it, can't remember which one I used though. It requires all of your focus and might just calm you down. I mean this is a bit of a tentative recommendation though as a lot of people see meditation as some hippie bullshit, but it could help.

Dalcourt
September 8th, 2015, 08:48 PM
Another solution recommended to me by my therapist would be meditation, there are a bunch of apps for it, can't remember which one I used though. It requires all of your focus and might just calm you down. I mean this is a bit of a tentative recommendation though as a lot of people see meditation as some hippie bullshit, but it could help.

I don't see meditation as hippie bullshit...I just don't know if I can muster focusing that much on something.