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thethingsyouforgot
September 7th, 2015, 12:09 PM
You guys should know that I'm an ex-anorexic, I've been clean for 2 months! And while that is a blessing in itself, I've taken to cutting in order to stay sane. For me, every morning is the struggle of whether I should starve or cut. I starve myself to avoid cutting and I cut to avoid starving. It's become an endless cycle, waking up and weighing the pros and cons of each. I usually end up with cutting- I promised myself I would never starve again; I've made no such promises with my other little secret. But it's gotten way out of control, I'll cut 3, 4 times a day and I just can't stop. I know I should, but there's some other part of me that just can't stop, another part of me that is unfixable. I feel so in over my head. I know what the right thing to do is, but I'm not ready to do that yet. Will I ever be ready?

hazelteen
September 14th, 2015, 03:29 PM
hi,
im sorry, i dont have a past cutting, but i do in other means of self harm (prehaps a little less extreme though) and with anorexia so i might be able to help.

I dont know know much about your situation, but well done for keeping healthy for two months, im really pleased for you. In my opinion, i sounds like youre not really "recovered" becasue youre still punishing yourself for something, and the self harm is definatly related becasue you sacrifice one for the ohter.

If you still have bad body image, low self esteem (mainly in your looks) or you are thinking about food for a long time, youre still in the process ofrecovery, even if your eating healthily. watch out. anorexia will bite back if you dont keep it under control.

If you are seeing doctors, phycologists and nutritionists ect. thats a very different to if you aren't. If not, please seek proffesional advice! I mean, what can a bunch of teenagers you dont even know from vt tell you?

have you trying all the "alternatives to self harm"? thing like holding an ice cube or snapping a rubber band to your wrist? I was adivesed those kind of things as they give you the same feeling of pain but without casuing damage to your body. Then, with help from a psycologist, you can gradually start reducing those "alternatives to self harm". of course, before actually doing any of these things, please see someone that knows what theyre talking about.

I mean well, but i can only say what others have told me.
hazel x