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Laura101
August 14th, 2015, 04:08 PM
So, I've been with my current boyfriend for over a year and have gotten really close to his whole family. His parents treat me like I am their own daughter and always give me a hug when I go to their house. Sometimes his dad will even pull me up on his lap and we'll just chat and it's never been an issue and I kinda' like that his family treats me like I'm one of their own kids. Anyway, earlier today my BF and I were swimming in his pool and his parents and brother came outside to grill and we all ate together. After I helped his mom clean up, we all went back on the deck to sit down and talk before going back in the water. My BF's dad pulled me toward him and had me sit on his lap like he has a million times before. It's NEVER happened before, but today his dad got an erection while I was sitting there. I was mortified! His wife was sitting right next to us and my BF was sitting right across from us. I didn't want either my BF or his mom seeing his dad in that condition but I was also horribly uncomfortable sitting on his lap now. After a few minutes of not knowing what to do, I finally just got up and left it to his father to cover up the best he could and told my BF I needed to go home. So, has this kind of thing ever happened to you? Is my BF's dad attracted to me like that? That would be so horrible because I love his family and don't want to be uncomfortable around them. I'm thinking today will be the last time I sit on his lap no matter what or will that make it weird that I'll no longer sit on his dad's lap? Could his dad's erection just have been a random thing?

ClaraWho
August 14th, 2015, 05:04 PM
Personally I find a much older man touching a 16 year old girl who isn't his own daughter for more than a brief hug, really odd. Especially pulling said girl into his lap.

There are chairs for sitting on, why he'd want a young girl's butt pressing against his crouch raises a heap of suspicions. In my opinion it was never appropriate to begin with, hence it's not appropriate for you to do now.

I imagine if you'd been swimming you were all wearing less clothes than usual, so perhaps you felt it more this time. Either way, he knows how he reacted and the fact he didn't immediately excuse himself from the situation to recover, shows he was getting off on the fact you were there, and his wife was there.

Others here will say 'guys get random erections all the time over girls, don't think anything of it', but you seem to be more on the ball than that.

It doesn't have to be awkward with the rest of his family, or indeed his dad. Knowing how he reacted he should apologise quietly and NEVER try to instigate contact again. If he however continues, simply state you are 'fine standing thanks' and make it clear you don't want him touching you.

You clearly didn't enjoy it, and if it were me I would tell my boyfriend what happened and why you felt uncomfortable, but explain perhaps that you didn't think it was on purpose.

Good Luck,

~ Clara

Taryn98
August 14th, 2015, 05:16 PM
Personally I find a much older man touching a 16 year old girl who isn't his own daughter for more than a brief hug, really odd. Especially pulling said girl into his lap.

There are chairs for sitting on, why he'd want a young girl's butt pressing against his crouch raises a heap of suspicions. In my opinion it was never appropriate to begin with, hence it's not appropriate for you to do now.

I imagine if you'd been swimming you were all wearing less clothes than usual, so perhaps you felt it more this time. Either way, he knows how he reacted and the fact he didn't immediately excuse himself from the situation to recover, shows he was getting off on the fact you were there, and his wife was there.

Others here will say 'guys get random erections all the time over girls, don't think anything of it', but you seem to be more on the ball than that.

It doesn't have to be awkward with the rest of his family, or indeed his dad. Knowing how he reacted he should apologise quietly and NEVER try to instigate contact again. If he however continues, simply state you are 'fine standing thanks' and make it clear you don't want him touching you.

You clearly didn't enjoy it, and if it were me I would tell my boyfriend what happened and why you felt uncomfortable, but explain perhaps that you didn't think it was on purpose.

Good Luck,

~ Clara

I agree with Clara.
Moving forward, when you see his dad I would keep some minimum physical space between you at all times so that he's not in a position to pull you onto his lap. A simple hug if you're both standing is fine, but stay far enough away in other situations.

maggs
August 14th, 2015, 05:33 PM
IMO, he's a perv. And I never heard about a girl that sits on the lap of her bf's dad :|

Offtopic: why is your avatar some random girl from Internet? lol

BlackParadePixie
August 14th, 2015, 07:33 PM
yeah...that's kinda weird...

Laura101
August 14th, 2015, 08:01 PM
This was my worst fear :( I always looked at him like a father figure and didn't mind the hugs or sitting on his lap. He called about 30 minutes ago, apologized profusely and said sometimes that just happens. Still, I agree with all of you and will be keeping my distance.

Maggie-Avatar just a place holder until I download a photo from my parent's digital camera.

THJKIGB
August 14th, 2015, 08:51 PM
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and I am also extremely close to his Mom and Dad. They do treat me like I am part of there family. I get hugs from both of them every time I go over there and even sometimes get a small peck kiss on the cheek from my boyfriend's Mom. I do find it somewhat weird that that your boyfriends dad pulls you over to sit on his lap. I am definitely no condoning him doing this and really think a grown man getting an erection from a 16 year old girl sitting on his lap is wrong, but since you were swimming I imaging you were in a bathing suit and even maybe a bikini bottom. I know when I am in my bikini and sit on my boyfriends lap that I can feel his penis(not erected) a lot more than if I was wearing a pair of jean shorts. It still shouldn't have happened and if I were you I definitely would never sit on your BF's Dads lap again. If may be really uncomfortable, but since you have been with your BF for a long time you should mention what happened.

Chriskey2015
August 14th, 2015, 10:07 PM
So wierd! I cant imagine :)

Uniquemind
August 14th, 2015, 10:14 PM
No that's a bit weird, especially at your age of 16.

If you're the one that instigated sitting on his lap, out of a comfortable tradition it would make it less creepy. But if he's the one who placed you on his lap...that's a bit weird especially at your age of 16.

Was he drinking? I know pool parties sometimes have beer and perhaps his judgment wasn't the most sober if he consumed a few?

Either way everyone is unanimous here, the tradition of you sitting in his lap needs to end. You've passed that era of innocence, with respect to your physical development and age.

Only like little kids aged (0-11) can get away with this, and even then age 9-11 is pushing it.

Kirina
August 14th, 2015, 10:31 PM
Well, I have to admit that a grown man is having you sit on his lap countless times. But i can understand that before it appeared to be nothing sexual and as you said, treating you as their own daughter. So it's kinda 50/50. As for the erection, guys get them. Especially at extremely random times. Your last question, "Could it be a random thing?"
Of course! Although any form of physical contact towards a penis, can easily cause erections.

Some might be because:

You might have wiggled a little bit which can cause it.Lol

Maybe he hasn't been all that sexual the past few days which can cause erections at a moment's notice.

And more. If you feel comfortable with sitting on his lap then go ahead. It was most likely a random erection. If it.happens again, maybe talk to him and see if there's Amy specific reason why it's been happening.

Hope I helped :)

It's definitely normal for guys to get erections when they have a girl their attracted to on their lap. If he was like a father to her, then he shouldn't be getting erections.

Laura. From the beginning, did you ever talk to your boyfriend about you sitting on his lap? Maybe he never brought it up (maybe it doesn't bother him but it can). Anyways it should be common sense on your part that sitting on any other guys lap can trigger jealousy. So I hope you talked to him about it from the beginning and made sure he is okay with it. His dad is aware of that as well, especially when you are in a swimsuit. What a dick that dad is towards his son.

ClaireM
August 15th, 2015, 12:56 AM
I think your next meeting will tell. If he keeps his distance he knows what he did was inappropriate and he is trying to make amends, but if he acts as if nothing happened or tries to make you sit on his lap again, then that is pervy.

SammyG17
August 15th, 2015, 09:38 AM
I've seen a cat jumping at someone give them an erection, heck, I've even seen an erection for absolutely no reason. Usually little boys get erections in the morning due to the pressure of the bladder and the body trying to not pee during sleep (morning wood, piss wood, w/e you want to call it) After that puberty hits, and a gust of wind/ strange thought / nerves / something exciting (like a video game, explosion, movie) movement of any kind from anything, etc. seem to give any normal "healthy" male an erection. If he wasn't trying to grab you, or touch you in a sexual way, more than likely it was the friction/having something with a heartbeat in his lap/nerves, and had nothing to do with you anymore than that.

As far as the hugging and closeness, make your own call. My family hugs all the time. My family hugs my friends. A hug is just a way to let someone know you are close to them. If it makes you uncomfy, don't do it. The same for the lap.

Bottom line for me, erections don't always mean something sexual. Think about it like this; nipples get hard for reasons other than sex. And the guy did call an apologize to you, so he obviously wants to try to ease your mind about it. I grew up nudist, and have been around erections my whole life. It really isn't that big of a deal (hah!) To me, it sounds innocent/random.

Now if you feel he was trying to grab your boob, or rub your butt, or may be trying to make a move on you, that will be a different story. But what you described here, sounds 100% innocent to me.

Hase
August 15th, 2015, 10:29 AM
it is remarkable that his wife which allows that he pulls you into his lap. Tell him that you do not want it unequivocally. Maybe also helps a conversation with the mother of your BF.
The last resort would be a report to the police.

Laura101
August 15th, 2015, 09:02 PM
Soapie, LittleAngel14...thanks for the support

Everyone else, thank you for helping. BF asked me why I "freaked" and wanted to leave so quickly and I couldn't lie to him. I told him what happened, that I wasn't angry and don't want this event to cause a rift in his family. I think I was very na´ve'. I sit in my own dad's lap all the time and just felt like it was the same thing with his dad. It obviously wasn't. BF is upset with his dad and don't know if he's going to tell his mom or how my relationship with them all will be impacted now. I just wish it had never happened. I accepted his dad's apology. I do know that guys, including my own boyfriend and my brother get random boners and they tell me there is nothing they can do about them. Looking back though, I think his dad should have gotten up and excused himself if in fact it just happened at random. Not telling my parents and don't want this to be an issue between BF and me. Thanks again to everyone. Sorry that two of you think anyone would create some fantasy drama and hope that if you ever need to discuss or share an issue on here you are treated with respect and get the help you need.

Abhorrence
August 16th, 2015, 07:53 AM
Several comments have been deleted. Please do not post comments that are irrelevant to the OP's issue or calling out other users for being "fake" or "hypocritical".

THJKIGB
August 16th, 2015, 09:19 AM
Laura101: I am glad you were able to speak to your BF about this. That really shows you and he have a really solid relationship. I really hope you both can continue to move on from this and continue to develop your relationship further. It sounds like you can. Once again I am sorry this happened to you. Take care, JoJo

Laura101
August 16th, 2015, 11:58 AM
Thanks, LilSmurf.

AutumnWinds
August 24th, 2015, 10:05 AM
i just want to express my sympathies for what you're going through. i don't know what your bf's dad was thinking or if it was intentional and probably only he does. what i do know is how stressed i would be if this were happening to me and you don't deserve that. you're completely innocent in this. if you ever need a friendly ear just lemme know.

Soapie, LittleAngel14...thanks for the support

Everyone else, thank you for helping. BF asked me why I "freaked" and wanted to leave so quickly and I couldn't lie to him. I told him what happened, that I wasn't angry and don't want this event to cause a rift in his family. I think I was very na´ve'. I sit in my own dad's lap all the time and just felt like it was the same thing with his dad. It obviously wasn't. BF is upset with his dad and don't know if he's going to tell his mom or how my relationship with them all will be impacted now. I just wish it had never happened. I accepted his dad's apology. I do know that guys, including my own boyfriend and my brother get random boners and they tell me there is nothing they can do about them. Looking back though, I think his dad should have gotten up and excused himself if in fact it just happened at random. Not telling my parents and don't want this to be an issue between BF and me. Thanks again to everyone. Sorry that two of you think anyone would create some fantasy drama and hope that if you ever need to discuss or share an issue on here you are treated with respect and get the help you need.

Bria
August 26th, 2015, 04:29 AM
It would be an issue now but that's what you provoked for not saying No sitting in the lap from the start.

ClaraWho
August 26th, 2015, 06:32 AM
It would be an issue now but that's what you provoked for not saying No sitting in the lap from the start.

Her actions she presumed were innocent, his weren't. Stop victim blaming.

~ Clara

Hannah98
August 26th, 2015, 08:50 AM
I think Laura's actions were innocent, but definitely a little na´ve. I love my BF's parents but would never sit on his dad's lap. Not appropriate. Not sure a boy would want his girlfriend's ass on his dad's or any other guy's lap either. Sorry this happened to you Laura. Hopefully you can all get past it. Are you and your BF still together? Did your BF confront his dad or tell his mom? Have you been back over to their house? Good luck.

AutumnWinds
August 26th, 2015, 11:18 AM
Any updates, Laura?

Laura101
August 26th, 2015, 05:12 PM
Any updates, Laura?

We broke up. He confronted his dad and told his mom. He's mad at me for sitting on his dad's lap and his mom was upset with me too. At first she said I wasn't allowed over to swim anymore. Then she said we could go swimming but I had to start wearing a one-piece and never sit on her husband's lap again. I no longer thought that would be appropriate anyway. She's turned very cold toward me. His dad won't talk to me anymore and my former boyfriend is angry with me and says I was equally to blame. Too much drama! I still love him and miss what we had and the relationship I had with his family.

AutumnWinds
August 26th, 2015, 05:31 PM
We broke up. He confronted his dad and told his mom. He's mad at me for sitting on his dad's lap and his mom was upset with me too. At first she said I wasn't allowed over to swim anymore. Then she said we could go swimming but I had to start wearing a one-piece and never sit on her husband's lap again. I no longer thought that would be appropriate anyway. She's turned very cold toward me. His dad won't talk to me anymore and my former boyfriend is angry with me and says I was equally to blame. Too much drama! I still love him and miss what we had and the relationship I had with his family.

wow. i;m so sorry hunnii. you never should have had to deal with all this. you didn't do anything wrong. i hope you know that in spite of all the BS his family is giving you.

lemme know if there's anything i can do <3:wub:

Daniella98
August 27th, 2015, 05:25 AM
Im sorry. It sounds like a lot of issues to deal with. I hope everything turns out okay for you.
And why dont they say its wrong to sit on his lap when they see you do it, instead of turning everything against you when HE cant control him self....

impan1019
August 27th, 2015, 05:40 AM
It seems awfully inappropriate

xxkoko
August 28th, 2015, 12:02 PM
You are what my friends call a tease. Don't act like you we so nieve. Just admit you liked turning his dad on.

LucieP
August 28th, 2015, 08:17 PM
Wow thats just plain weird. Not the getting an erection bit but a man having his son's teenage girlfriend sit on his lap. Maybe Im just paranoid but I would never allow something like that in the first place, I dont know how his wife doesnt object.

Sure 'these things happen' but I think you should keep a polite distance from this man in future. It doesnt sound right.