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View Full Version : Day Zero [triggering]


AmuraVasendiu
June 7th, 2015, 08:00 PM
It's been almost a year. Ten months and three days since I last had a reason to visit this forum. It's funny, really...in a sick way, not a humorous way; I missed being here. Not the reason for it, of course, but the knowledge I wasn't alone.

Today is day zero. I got mad, I was angry and rejected and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I loved the feeling of it. I was always too much of a pussy to do it proper, with a knife; I'd press it against my skin and imagine it but never got the courage to actually....cut.

Instead, I use an alternative method, but for your sakes I won't describe it. I didn't want to...I punched the wall, made my knuckles bloody, and I'm a very closed-off person. I don't hit things, ever. But in the end, my knuckles were bloody and so is my arm.

Fuck. In my experience, my own personal experience, mine take around 2-3 weeks to scab, heal and reduce themselves into a little red scar in my arm. A lot of people, I know, feel like arm SHers do it for attention, but it's not like that. It's just that, I've only -ever- dime it on my arm. When I get the urge, my arm itches and aches and I've never really considered doing it anywhere else. On my arm, it feels...right.

Thing is, I have a six-week summer program to attend that starts in exactly six days. It's my third time there, and my first summer, they noticed my scars: "No worries," I told the counselor that called me out on it. It's a coping mechanism, some small form of control in a chaotic life. I know why I do it; I don't know how to stop. It won't be a problem here. Here, where I am so happy and full of purpose. Mine are more conspicuous than the mark of a razor's edge.

This had devolved into a rant, but how do I stop this once and for all? How do I hide an ugly, hideous wound/scab from these people I care so much for? How can I make it heal faster?

Microcosm
June 7th, 2015, 08:50 PM
AmuraVasendiu,

Other than the obvious wearing long sleeves and such, I'm not sure. Also, I'd like to add that relapses do happen and that's okay. There are ways to get out of relapses before they get too bad.

However, just to add my input on cutting, rather than avoid the problems of the "chaotic life" you speak of wouldn't it be better to just deal with them rather than harming yourself? I know just saying "Deal with it" can sound pretty insensitive, but it's a lot better than Self Harm. There are ways to deal with your problems, and cutting doesn't actually help in the long term.

Let's think of some alternative coping methods, shall we?
-Meditation(my favorite)
-Drawing
-Writing
-Talking to others about it
-etc.

I suggest meditating. Once you meditate about these things, you realize how utterly worthless they are. It's a great way to control your impulses and look at them from a completely non-biased, rational viewpoint.

Best of luck. :)

avri
June 12th, 2015, 12:39 PM
Have you ever considered therapy? Sometimes it's nice to be able to talk to someone who won't judge, and is trying to help you. Distracting yourself with other things is a good way to keep your mind off of self-harming, so try to keep yourself as busy as possible and surrounded by as many people as possible, so you even if you feel like you need to SH, you won't have an opportunity to.

Also, keep thinking about the consequences and how you feel after you've SHed. It's not a good feeling. Since you were able to stop for such a long time, you can stop again. Good luck :)