PDA

View Full Version : Sex and self-respect


MeliWelli
June 4th, 2015, 01:44 AM
O.k. so basically told some friends that I have anal and oral sex with my bf regularly. They asked more about what we do and I told them, but then they totally slut shamed me...which was not fun. For example, if I let my bf cum on my face I apparently don't respect myself. Do you think they are right or are they being unfair? If you enjoy certain things when having sex, does that mean you aren't respecting yourself?

Abbeys
June 4th, 2015, 02:16 AM
Seems to me you are talking bout two different thing here.

If you are comfortable with what you are doing then you have self respect.

On the other hand,if you tell your friends what you do,( I donít know why you tell them) then you are asking for respect from them which is an entirely different thing.

Have you ever asked your b/f why he wants to cum on your face?

neledisapersonne
June 4th, 2015, 02:23 AM
I don't think you should get authorisation from your friends for doing anything that you like, but if you are not even sure and need somebody elses approval, that's another story. But all in all you did nothing to be ashamed of if you ask me. If you like something that others dont that doesn't make you a disrespectful person

sweettayla
June 4th, 2015, 02:38 AM
What you enjoy doing is up to you. lf you're friends don't like it, too bad, that's no reason to feel bad about yourself. You might be giving out a bit tmi about what you get up to with your bf.

LITTLEANGEL17
June 4th, 2015, 03:02 AM
What you enjoy doing is up to you. lf you're friends don't like it, too bad, that's no reason to feel bad about yourself. You might be giving out a bit tmi about what you get up to with your bf.

I agree it's your body and your and your bf's business what you do together.

ClaraWho
June 4th, 2015, 09:21 AM
Totally agree with what has already been said.

Uh, why are you graphically telling them your intimate love life?!

What did you really expect their reaction to be? Where you looking for their respect or approval?

Personally anything that happens in my intimate love life, stays there. That is a special sacred space for just the two of us, when we can be carefree and vulnerable, knowing we are loved and respected by each other.

In terms of 'slut shaming' a slut is someone who has sex with multiple people who they aren't in a relationship with. Letting your lover cum on your face is your perrogative, it isn't harming anyone, and it isn't anything to do with your friends.

~ Clara

LucieP
June 4th, 2015, 02:37 PM
I dont think you should be telling your friends this sort of thing. Its no one's business but yours and your BF. My closest friends know that I have regular sex with boys and girls but there's no way theyre ever getting details. And if they even think about trying to shame me theyre going to be my ex-friends real fast.

becca07
June 4th, 2015, 02:52 PM
I dont think you should be telling your friends this sort of thing. Its no one's business but yours and your BF. My closest friends know that I have regular sex with boys and girls but there's no way theyre ever getting details. And if they even think about trying to shame me theyre going to be my ex-friends real fast.

I agree with LucieP as it is the sort of business that is understood by and between you and your significant other.

Taryn98
June 4th, 2015, 05:58 PM
Everyone has a different sense of morality. What one person thinks is exciting and fun, another thinks is disgusting.
If you and your partner are comfortable with what you're doing then that's all that matters.

Beth
June 4th, 2015, 06:17 PM
I dont think you should be telling your friends this sort of thing. Its no one's business but yours and your BF. My closest friends know that I have regular sex with boys and girls but there's no way theyre ever getting details. And if they even think about trying to shame me theyre going to be my ex-friends real fast.

I couldn't have said it any better. TMI is not always the best policy and some things is best kept between you and your other half.

Mollypop
June 5th, 2015, 01:01 AM
Maybe they're jealous that you're getting to try so many things out, and they're taking it out on you. Whatever it is, as long as you're happy with what you and your bf do that's all that matters. They should be supportive if they're really your friends.

cutie123
June 5th, 2015, 08:09 PM
I agree it's your body and your and your bf's business what you do together.

I also agree with this! Maybe you should tell your friends so much detail!

Daniella98
June 9th, 2015, 07:54 AM
I dont understand why your friends ask you what you do, if they cant accept any more than missionary intercourse with the lights off. (I know Im pushing it, but it sound like it)
Dont let them dictate how your sex should be.
And I dont think any boy means any disrespect when he want to cum other places other than inside you.

When its established that sex is just as much for fun, as it is for breeding, why should it be boring?

biancachica
June 10th, 2015, 06:48 PM
I think that you should tell your friends whatever you want if you want. And I dont think its right that they judged you. They can give their opinion but not slut shame you for it. As for sex, everybody likes different things and if you like doing certain things I dont see how you cannot have self respect. If anything I would admire you for trying new things and discovering that you like them because thats what sex is all about.

MeliWelli
June 15th, 2015, 08:40 AM
I think that you should tell your friends whatever you want if you want. And I dont think its right that they judged you. They can give their opinion but not slut shame you for it. As for sex, everybody likes different things and if you like doing certain things I dont see how you cannot have self respect. If anything I would admire you for trying new things and discovering that you like them because thats what sex is all about.

Thanks Bianca! Really appreciate that. It was a learning experience...Some friends I don't share stuff with anymore, there are one or two that stopped being friends, but I have one friend and my sis who I feel comfortable with. Its crazy how some girls judge others, but at the end of the day I'm happy with who I am :)

biancachica
June 15th, 2015, 09:18 PM
Thanks Bianca! Really appreciate that. It was a learning experience...Some friends I don't share stuff with anymore, there are one or two that stopped being friends, but I have one friend and my sis who I feel comfortable with. Its crazy how some girls judge others, but at the end of the day I'm happy with who I am :)
You're welcome, I'm glad I could help! I'm happy you kept good friends you can trust!

Legs
June 15th, 2015, 09:23 PM
I think they shouldn't have slammed you at all. It is something you enjoy when being intimate with your boyfriend and there is nothing wrong with that. Just because he cums on your face doesn't mean you don't have self respect. It basically just means you enjoy having your boyfriend cum on your face. If it makes you happy that is all that matters. I bet it also makes your boyfriend happy when he gets to do that. I say keep doing what you want with him if it makes you both happy.

Amber Alert
June 18th, 2015, 06:28 AM
I say fuck em. It all comes down to what you enjoy. If your girlfriends don't think that is moral or right to do then they don't have to do it with there boyfriends. Don't worry about what they say and just continue to do what makes you and your boyfriend happy.

Felicia_
June 24th, 2015, 09:34 AM
Just because you like being dommed by someone you are in a relationship with doesn't mean you are a slut

ellie2000
June 24th, 2015, 09:42 AM
Seems to me you are talking bout two different thing here.

If you are comfortable with what you are doing then you have self respect.

On the other hand,if you tell your friends what you do,( I donít know why you tell them) then you are asking for respect from them which is an entirely different thing.

Have you ever asked your b/f why he wants to cum on your face?

Not that I'm an expert on any of this, but i tend to agree with Abbeys. One half of me says that letting your friends know what goes on hasn't worked for you, so If they were any sort of decent friends they'd support you, but the other half of me says maybe you should have kept that sort of stuff to yourself. However, irrespective of that, you shouldn't be judged for what you enjoy doing and what a lot of others do also.

Abbeys
June 24th, 2015, 10:45 AM
Not that I'm an expert on any of this, but i tend to agree with Abbeys. One half of me says that letting your friends know what goes on hasn't worked for you, so If they were any sort of decent friends they'd support you, but the other half of me says maybe you should have kept that sort of stuff to yourself. However, irrespective of that, you shouldn't be judged for what you enjoy doing and what a lot of others do also.

Hi Ellie.

A great post.

Good to see you where ya been????

Abbey

XXXX

Uniquemind
June 25th, 2015, 03:46 AM
This kind of information and conversation can only happen with the best of girlfriends to the level of friendship where you're all sisters.

Among guys and bedroom talk with significant others, are sometimes in a similar situation but because of the double-standard, sex acts discussed among guys tend to take on a sex positive conversational vibe, like something awesome happened that everyone saw at a sporting event or something.


Whereas girls, even if they are "close" to you, can be extremely two-faced, for various reasons. Either they are secretly jealous but are shaming you for what you can enjoy with a significant other while they have conflicting feelings about puberty, relationships, and sex (either from social and peer pressure, or how they are being raised to think about those topics via pressure from parents/guardians, in the mix of naturally discovering their own likes and dislikes romantic-sexually and the angst and conflict between these things if it exists).

Other times it's as simple as a weird sarcastic type of praise for knowing someone who is just sexually daring, or a failure of feminism to truly educate what equality means between the genders regarding consent to certain things and how that dynamically changes and is not static just because act X, Y, and Z are performed.

A LOT if not all respect being gained or lost resides in the perspective of the individuals and the consent and control given for a sex act. NOT the act itself being performed by default resulting in the loss of respect or any broad message about females being lesser to males.


---

Either way one or many of these has occurred:


1. You have immature female friends.

2. You have judgmental friends.

3. You have friends that don't understand feminism or the intricacies of relationships and sex.



They might be good casual friends, but they still need to earn your trust to be the type of friendly counsel you need to exchange sexual or even more intense love life advice too.

They might still have your general welfare in mind and enjoy your company but they are not at the level of friendship where sexual topics can be discussed openly and plainly and seriously.



P.S. I understand these forums cannot discuss sexual techniques or practices due to the nature of such online threads and discussions tend to attract trolls and creepers.

However I do believe personally that it is vital to have friends and trusted friends and family whom you can have such conversations with, in a respectful context, to help fight the stigma of shame regarding psycho-sexual development, especially that of girls, but boys as well.

Abbeys
June 25th, 2015, 09:01 AM
This kind of information and conversation can only happen with the best of girlfriends to the level of friendship where you're all sisters.

Among guys and bedroom talk with significant others, are sometimes in a similar situation but because of the double-standard, sex acts discussed among guys tend to take on a sex positive conversational vibe, like something awesome happened that everyone saw at a sporting event or something.


Whereas girls, even if they are "close" to you, can be extremely two-faced, for various reasons. Either they are secretly jealous but are shaming you for what you can enjoy with a significant other while they have conflicting feelings about puberty, relationships, and sex (either from social and peer pressure, or how they are being raised to think about those topics via pressure from parents/guardians, in the mix of naturally discovering their own likes and dislikes romantic-sexually and the angst and conflict between these things if it exists).

Other times it's as simple as a weird sarcastic type of praise for knowing someone who is just sexually daring, or a failure of feminism to truly educate what equality means between the genders regarding consent to certain things and how that dynamically changes and is not static just because act X, Y, and Z are performed.

A LOT if not all respect being gained or lost resides in the perspective of the individuals and the consent and control given for a sex act. NOT the act itself being performed by default resulting in the loss of respect or any broad message about females being lesser to males.


---

Either way one or many of these has occurred:


1. You have immature female friends.

2. You have judgmental friends.

3. You have friends that don't understand feminism or the intricacies of relationships and sex.



They might be good casual friends, but they still need to earn your trust to be the time of friendly counsel you need to exchange sexual or even more intense love life advice too.

They might still have your general welfare in mind and enjoy your company but they are not at the level of friendship where sexual topics can be discussed openly and plainly and seriously.



P.S. I understand these forums cannot discuss sexual techniques or practices due to the nature of such online threads and discussions tend to attract trolls and creepers.

However I do believe personally that it is vital to have friends and trusted friends and family whom you can have such conversations with, in a respectful context, to help fight the stigma of shame regarding psycho-sexual development, especially that of girls, but boys as well.

A brilliant post but I can't tell from your style of writing or your signature whether you are male or female.

If I don't know the perspective you are writing from I don't know if you are talking from experience or the post is purely an academic exercise.

Uniquemind
June 25th, 2015, 03:02 PM
A brilliant post but I can't tell from your style of writing or your signature whether you are male or female.

If I don't know the perspective you are writing from I don't know if you are talking from experience or the post is purely an academic exercise.

Treat my posts as non-committal, non-categorical pieces of insight which may or may not be true to you.

I am O declared as a gender because of 2 reasons:

1. I have experience and memories living multiple lives as either gender (more like flashes of memory, and emotion)

2. When advice giving from a place of love, I believe gender matters very little when one's intention is to pass on knowledge to another. Be it harsh truths, or just as you say, an academic exercise.

Abbeys
June 25th, 2015, 03:34 PM
Treat my posts as non-committal, non-categorical pieces of insight which may or may not be true to you.

I am O declared as a gender because of 2 reasons:

1. I have experience and memories living multiple lives as either gender (more like flashes of memory, and emotion)

2. When advice giving from a place of love, I believe gender matters very little when one's intention is to pass on knowledge to another. Be it harsh truths, or just as you say, an academic exercise.

If your male you can't KNOW what it's like to be female even given infinite empathy.

The VT rules say,you have to be born female to post on Puberty For Girls.

I.m presuming you are male.

Uniquemind
June 25th, 2015, 04:00 PM
If your male you can't KNOW what it's like to be female even given infinite empathy.

The VT rules say,you have to be born female to post on Puberty For Girls.

I.m presuming you are male.

You can presume what you want but I have declared O for a reason partly for my own safety.

I also counter that you would not know what it's like to be reincarnated respectfully.

If I am not welcome then I will simply cease to provide my advice and insight to either side of the forums which has a segregation.

But that also means good advice will not reach those who probably could use it.

Since some of the most open questions only happen in one section or the other.

Abbeys
June 25th, 2015, 05:35 PM
You can presume what you want but I have declared O for a reason partly for my own safety.

I also counter that you would not know what it's like to be reincarnated respectfully.

If I am not welcome then I will simply cease to provide my advice and insight to either side of the forums which has a segregation.

But that also means good advice will not reach those who probably could use it.

Since some of the most open questions only happen in one section or the other.

I don't want to upset you,I just found your lack of gender identity disconcerting at first.

It's a personal thing.

You certainly add incredible insight and a ton of common sense.

I think we're done?

As somebody famous once said.

Whats next?

Abbey

XXX

Uniquemind
June 25th, 2015, 06:01 PM
I don't want to upset you,I just found your lack of gender identity disconcerting at first.

It's a personal thing.

You certainly add incredible insight and a ton of common sense.

I think we're done?

As somebody famous once said.

Whats next?

Abbey

XXX

Dunno I think we wait for the OP to respond to see if the advice was helpful.

Although in retrospect I think this isn't a puberty issue I think it belongs in Friends & Family.

But that's for a mod to do.