PDA

View Full Version : so I need help once again....this time in a much darker place for me


Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 05:21 PM
This isn't about me really because well...I haven't done anything like 2 or 3 years but this is about a friend...yes the girl if I anyone's trying to make that connection. Anyways I was talking to her mom today and she told me that my friend will go in her room close her door, lock her door, then sit against the door and proceed to cry. It sounds to me like she's self harming. She had problems with it before so I'm worried. Am I just worrying over nothing or is this a real concern? And if it is a real concern what can I do to help her the most? I'm seriously really worried right now.

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 06:25 PM
If you think she is self-harming, first try to confirm it. Sit her down and try to talk with her about it. Be very gentle and concerned (I'm sure there are those sticky things around here that give good advice, too). If you have confirmed that she is self-harming, make sure her parents know (from what you told me her parents are good at their job, and her dad is your boss so...) Try to encourage her into therapy/counseling/whatever. The most important thing is to support her and be there for her.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 06:28 PM
If you think she is self-harming, first try to confirm it. Sit her down and try to talk with her about it. Be very gentle and concerned (I'm sure there are those sticky things around here that give good advice, too). If you have confirmed that she is self-harming, make sure her parents know (from what you told me her parents are good at their job, and her dad is your boss so...) Try to encourage her into therapy/counseling/whatever. The most important thing is to support her and be there for her.

She won't talk to me. She won't talk to anyone. She's shut down from the world. That's why I'm so concerned. I've been down this road. And she's just like me in every way mentally. I don't want her to go down the same road. this is the first girl I've felt this way about. I want her to be safe.

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 06:33 PM
Then tell her that. She's isolating herself because of the way she feels. No matter how difficult she starts to act, stick with her if you really love her (and you seem to truly do). I don't think her intention was to hurt you, right?

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 06:43 PM
Then tell her that. She's isolating herself because of the way she feels. No matter how difficult she starts to act, stick with her if you really love her (and you seem to truly do). I don't think her intention was to hurt you, right?

I've told her told her multiple times. I told her I love her. I told her I'll always here for her but I also clung very very hard in the beginning. I wouldn't except the fact she stopped talking to me like that. I clung just super hard. And I feel bad about it no matter how hard I clung when I broke down she was there fast and saved me a couple times. That's why I clung. I don't want to let her go and with the way shes acting I'm getting very very concerned. I've told her parents. Her mom knows about before and she knows all about her problems. But I was always there for her. When she broke down and cried one night I was there and held her the whole time till it was over. I don't want to loose her. I want to know she's safe but if I'm constantly nagging her like before she'll get mad and leave me. And I couldn't live with myself knowing I lost my best friend and the only girl I've cared about this much like that. When I can't drink her out of my mind she's there to stay and I don't want she her walk away let alone be pushed away in a body bag. I feel like there's nothing I can do and I feel so bad for it and I blame myself for. I was the reason her bf broke up with her and that's what triggered all this...

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 06:49 PM
Okay, calm down. Just take it easy. Take a few deep breaths (you seem very tense right now).

What do you mean you're the reason she broke up with her boyfriend? Why do you blame yourself for all this?

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 06:51 PM
Okay, calm down. Just take it easy. Take a few deep breaths (you seem very tense right now).

What do you mean you're the reason she broke up with her boyfriend? Why do you blame yourself for all this?

Tense? I'm fucking going insane. Its my fault. Its my fault because she asked me if she have sex with him and I told her not to knowing she'd listen to me....3 days later he broke up with her. And I know that's why he left. She loved him so much and I know it. He lost a very amazing girl just cause he wanted to get his dick wet. Damn does that piss me off

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 06:54 PM
Then that is NOT your fault at all! That is completely her ex-boyfriend's fault. He doesn't deserve her. But you need understand that her harming herself is not your fault at all.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 06:55 PM
Then that is NOT your fault at all! That is completely her ex-boyfriend's fault. He doesn't deserve her. But you need understand that her harming herself is not your fault at all.

Its my fault he broke up with her. He caused her all this pain. I can't forgive myself for bringing so much pain on someone I care about so much. I just feel so bad that it got to this point. She probably hates me by now anyways...

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 06:59 PM
Honestly, this is not your fault. He broke up with her just because she wouldn't have sex with her. That is his fucking loss for losing this amazing girl. She deserves someone better, like you. If she hates you for this reason, I think she should be greatful. If her boyfriend left because of sex then he obviously was not meant for her, and she should understand that. It is not your fault, it is not her fault.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 07:05 PM
Honestly, this is not your fault. He broke up with her just because she wouldn't have sex with her. That is his fucking loss for losing this amazing girl. She deserves someone better, like you. If she hates you for this reason, I think she should be greatful. If her boyfriend left because of sex then he obviously was not meant for her, and she should understand that. It is not your fault, it is not her fault.
She would have done it though if I said to. At the time she trusted me enough to do what I said. And I thought I was being the good friend and trying to help. She's only 16 I didn't think she needed it yet. I didn't expect him to leave her like that. I thought he felt the same way about her. Apparently he didn't. I can't help to blame myself. With that one piece of advice she lost all trust in me. I was trying to be the best friend I could. I was never in that position before I was doing what I thought was right....I still think I was right by apparently I was wrong and I brought all this pain to her which brings a bunch of pain to me. Everyone told me it wasn't my fault you, her dad, her mom, even her sister told me that but I can't help but blame myself. And now look where I'm at and where she's at. I'm loosing it and she's ruining her skin. And I just feel so fucking bad.

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 07:13 PM
Even though you feel like it's your fault, it most certainly is not.

But look, do you really just want to sit around and blame yourself or do you want to help her? You want to help her, so blaming yourself won't help!

If she is angry with you because her pathetic excuse of a bf left her (pardon me...) then that is her loss, honestly. You just be COMPLETELY honest with her. Tell her everything about how much you want to help her. The best bet is to recommend her to a therapist (her parents should do that) because it might just not be her ex bf that is the issue. Please bear..bare...whatever with me but you can't help her all by yourself. You, her family, and the therapist/counselor need to all work together to get her the help she needs.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 07:19 PM
Even though you feel like it's your fault, it most certainly is not.

But look, do you really just want to sit around and blame yourself or do you want to help her? You want to help her, so blaming yourself won't help!

If she is angry with you because her pathetic excuse of a bf left her (pardon me...) then that is her loss, honestly. You just be COMPLETELY honest with her. Tell her everything about how much you want to help her. The best bet is to recommend her to a therapist (her parents should do that) because it might just not be her ex bf that is the issue. Please bear..bare...whatever with me but you can't help her all by yourself. You, her family, and the therapist/counselor need to all work together to get her the help she needs.

She goes to therapist already but she's a dumbass just like me. She won't say anything she shuts everyone out. Anyone that trys to help she tells to go fuck themselves. she self medicates just like I do and I did. She's mentally just like me....that's why I'm so worried. I've been down some scary paths and almost died a couple times from them. I don't want her to end up the same way. I'm trying to see her every chance I get but she keeps telling her parents to take her home from school. I saw her today and she didn't say one word to me...or anyone else. It killed me seeing her like that. Because when I'm like my minds going crazy just like it is now but when something like what happened to her happens to me I'd add a few more scars to the collection and that's why I'm so concerned. I need her to come out of this, for my sanity and her life. She won't talk to her best friend since pre school...I'm thinking about texting the friend later don't whether its a good idea or not yet. But I know how the story goes I fear her doing what I did. I'd rather her drink it away than cut it away...at least if she drinks it away I can be with her doing the same thing.

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 07:25 PM
To sum it all up, you're terrified for this girl because she's doing exactly what you've done before? And you don't want her to die? Because you love her?

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 07:27 PM
To sum it all up, you're terrified for this girl because she's doing exactly what you've done before? And you don't want her to die? Because you love her?

Basically. She's my mental copy. We handle problems exactly the same. I'm afraid for her I love her I don't want her to go away she means so fucking much to me. She brought happiness to me where I couldn't find any. I just want to make sure she's safe and not going back to her old ways

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 07:30 PM
What do you think is the best thing for her right now, if she's shoving everyone away?

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 07:31 PM
What do you think is the best thing for her right now, if she's shoving everyone away?

I don't know....I never had anyone try to help when I was like that. When I was like that I wanted someone to help but still told everyone that tried to go fuck themselves....the same way she is. I don't know what the answer is

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 07:35 PM
If she is the same as you, then she does want someone to help, but she's still pushing away. You know best about her, about what she's going through and about what you've been through.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 07:38 PM
If she is the same as you, then she does want someone to help, but she's still pushing away. You know best about her, about what she's going through and about what you've been through.

Yeah...I don't like it being that way. That's why I'm worried. That's why I'm going insane. I don't like how this looks and I don't like how this is going but there's nothing I can do. And it fucking kills me. I hate this. I hate feeling like this and it's all my fucking fault....and also I just got told by her dad that she was having chest pains....well this is going down hill fast....I think this belongs in the mental crisis forum now...

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 07:46 PM
Well if the mods think it does they'll move it...

Obviously, she needs help. And the issue is how to get it to her, right?

One thing you could try (I'm no Dr. Phil, just a random voice on the internet.) is writing her a letter explaining how you feel (basically everything you just told me, unless there's things you want to add/leave out). That's one way. Make sure you and her family and therapist are working together on this.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 07:59 PM
Well if the mods think it does they'll move it...

Obviously, she needs help. And the issue is how to get it to her, right?

One thing you could try (I'm no Dr. Phil, just a random voice on the internet.) is writing her a letter explaining how you feel (basically everything you just told me, unless there's things you want to add/leave out). That's one way. Make sure you and her family and therapist are working together on this.

She needs help I know this....I need help too but I won't get it. I actually have a document in my google docs dedicated to her and my thoughts about her. Also if you go to my diary the "for my own sanity" thread is mostly about her other than the very first post and couple others in between. And me and her dad tlak about her everyday. I always get him alone and tell him what I'm thinking SL he knows I still care about her...there's actual real.good story behind that one. I talk to her mom some days but not as often but her mom understands what I'm saying a little more because she sees how similar we are from being around me for awhile now. Her dad doesn't see it. I still surprise sometimes when I let a little part of my story go...this is just something I know will run its course and will probably end up fine but my anxiety and over thinking is getting to me again as always and this what happens. I can't actually describe my feelings for her. Its weird. When I was assigned to bring her home from school I didn't think it would be like this. I didn't think I'd get attach. I didn't actually think we'd get along because of different of lives we live but we bonded so strongly through mental illnesses like this that I became attached and fell in love and I have people that hate me for that. I told I didn't think we'd get this far together and I made a promise to her(a side note:I don't break promises. If I say I promise I am good for it and it will happen) I promised her I'd always be there whether she hates me or not. If we date and break up I'll still be there. I'll always be around. I'll drop everything for you. And I ended so attached that when her depression hit her hard and she stopped talking it hit me hard and I went in a depression. Then she cried into me. Took me a little deeper. Then she said yes to go to prom with me and I came out for awhile....then the past came to haunt as always. Now we're here where I'm worthless to her and feeling like this is all my fault. I just want her back. I've never felt so happier then when I'm with her. I'd rather be with her than get drunk. She makes me feel so good and I can't describe it....Ill fight till my last breath to get this girl back. I'll kick down her door and take that blade right put her hand and hold her for 4 straight days if I have to. What ever it takes to make her happy again...

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 08:06 PM
And that's exactly what you need to do. You and her family do whatever it tajes to get her help. And maybe, if she saw you getting help she would too (if there's a story behind the reason you won't get help idk it).

You truly to love her, and that's an amazing thing. Do exactly what you said, doing whatever it takes to get her the help and happiness she needs and deserves (and I think you deserve it, too!). And yes, even if that means kicking her door down and taking that blade from her.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 08:12 PM
And that's exactly what you need to do. You and her family do whatever it tajes to get her help. And maybe, if she saw you getting help she would too (if there's a story behind the reason you won't get help idk it).

You truly to love her, and that's an amazing thing. Do exactly what you said, doing whatever it takes to get her the help and happiness she needs and deserves (and I think you deserve it, too!). And yes, even if that means kicking her door down and taking that blade from her.

I can't get her help if I don't want it either....that's would make me a hypocrite. I don't want help. Because I know when I start talking I'll end up in a psych ward and I don't want to be there. I'm not crazy. I don't need that but law says I do. I know myself better than the law does. I've made through every depression so far(barely at times...) But I'm not giving up that easy. And I can't someone help if they don't want it. I know she doesn't want it. She's just like me. She medicates herself and ends up fine after awhile. But knowing what she could be doing right now is killing me. I've seen the past scars and i cried so hard when I did. I don't want more added to her list. She doesn't need that. She needs to know there's people like me, her best friend, her mom, her.dad, and her sister that care. She's said that no one cares about her. Which is a lie. I've never cared about someone so much. I know what will fix this but she doesn't want it right now. She's wants the same thing I do.....

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 08:25 PM
So, please let me get this straight. You want her to get the help she needs but you can't tell her that because you yourself don't want it and that'll make you a hypocrite?

And I don't think they'll put you in a psychiatric ward unless you're at a high risk of harming yourself or others.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 08:27 PM
So, please let me get this straight. You want her to get the help she needs but you can't tell her that because you yourself don't want it and that'll make you a hypocrite?

And I don't think they'll put you in a psychiatric ward unless you're at a high risk of harming yourself or others.

Yes I can't help her because it would make me a hypocrite. And she doesn't want it. Uh I wouldn't say I'm not a risk to myself.....I've been close to ending it a couple times....

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 08:32 PM
Haven't a lot of us here been close...*sigh*

I'm going to be honest here: You can't help her unless you try to help yourself. You're not crazy at all, no (I'm crazy, haha :P). And maybe they will put you in a psychiatric unit. But you won't stay there forever, you know.

My question is, will it be worth saving this girl?

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 08:38 PM
Haven't a lot of us here been close...*sigh*

I'm going to be honest here: You can't help her unless you try to help yourself. You're not crazy at all, no (I'm crazy, haha :P). And maybe they will put you in a psychiatric unit. But you won't stay there forever, you know.

My question is, will it be worth saving this girl?

If it means she lives and stays happy then yes. I do anything to see her smile again. But I don't know whether I didn't say it you didn't read that she goes to a psychologist every week...as do I. She can get help when ever she wants...and so can I. We choose not to because we know where it will land us and we don't want to be there. Recently though I've been opening up to my psychologist a little bit more and he hasn't said about sending me to the psych ward yet but he doesn't know about my scars he knows about my depression not how bad it really is..he doesn't know I've tried to end it multiple times. I don't know what she's told hers but I know when they tried help her before it didn't go well she did in end up in psych ward for a day. From then on she told me she lied just to stay out of it. A month or 2 ago though I had a dream that me and were would end up in a ward together and I really concerned me seeing how my dreams end up a dejavu....so maybe we get help. Maybe we don't. Depends on how much information we let go.

And trust me I'm going crazy...Saturday night I was hearing voices and seeing faces from the past. I'm loosing it

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 08:46 PM
(Excuse me for accidentally missing a few parts from posts)

Alright, then. What are you going to do? Neither I nor anyone else here can give you the direct answer on what to do with all of this. This all depends on your choices and how you act upon them.

As for you 'losing it' that's not true.

Professional Russian
April 17th, 2015, 08:52 PM
(Excuse me for accidentally missing a few parts from posts)

Alright, then. What are you going to do? Neither I nor anyone else here can give you the direct answer on what to do with all of this. This all depends on your choices and how you act upon them.

As for you 'losing it' that's not true.

I don't know what to do. I want to it go and run its course praying it works out....but if she ends up dead I'll never be able to live with myself knowing I did nothing to help. Actually scrap that. I don't care if I end up dead. This isn't about me anymore I want what ever makes her happy again. I don't know what will do it. I got a feeling that she wants what I want...true love but at the moment she can't see it anywhere because if what happened. I just want her happy again...see her beautiful smile. Not have to worry about her all the time. I hate that worrying feeling. It gets so bad scenarios go through my head of what would happened if she died or just got hurt. I don't know what to do....I'm turning to you guys as a last ditch effort to fix this. I don't want to get psychologists and shit involved I want a nice easy happy solution to this but there doesn't seem to be one...I'm so confused right now

WanderingHeart
April 17th, 2015, 08:57 PM
True love is what she really wants, then, from what you are saying.

How do you think she can achieve that?

Come on everyone, let's help him outtt

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 05:50 AM
True love is what she really wants, then, from what you are saying.

How do you think she can achieve that?

Come on everyone, let's help him outtt

I'm guessing that's what she wants. When she was with her bf she was a so much more happier person and now shes nothing. And if she's like me in that way that's all I've been looking for. I wish I meant as much to her as she does to me...then we could make each other happy

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 08:54 AM
I'm really sorry about that :-/

Well, I'm clearly not knowledged in the area of true love...but if she doesn't feel the same way you do about her...well...

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 09:06 AM
I'm really sorry about that :-/

Well, I'm clearly not knowledged in the area of true love...but if she doesn't feel the same way you do about her...well...

I don't know whether she does or doesn't. Its been hard to tell with her going up and down in this depression. I'm trying to get her to go to prom with me but it isn't looking likely. She already said yes but she really hasn't done anything about it, and theres only like a month and a half left to get everything together...I was hopeing she was feeling better so I could ask her out but it doesn't seem like its gonna happen. And its really starting to worry me. Everyone's doing all they can to make this work me her mom her dad my mom her sister everyone's trying it doesn't seem to be working

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 09:12 AM
Look, before you can ask her out, take her to prom and all that bf gf stuff, you need to make sure she is stable. Many people with depression & self harm issues have a difficult time with relationships.

Right now all I can say is all of you need to work together to figure this out, and you have to get her to cooperate as well. It might be hard but you have to keep going for her safety.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 09:14 AM
Look, before you can ask her out, take her to prom and all that bf gf stuff, you need to make sure she is stable. Many people with depression & self harm issues have a difficult time with relationships.

Right now all I can say is all of you need to work together to figure this out, and you have to get her to cooperate as well. It might be hard but you have to keep going for her safety.

Oh I know how hard it is keep a relationship while you're depressed....that's why it never worked out for me. I've let her know I wanted more and I've told I love her. and she never found it awkward or weird that I said any of that. I'm taking my time but time is running out and I want to be able to call someone that amazing mine.

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 09:18 AM
How is time running out?

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 09:20 AM
How is time running out?

As soon as summer hits I'm working 12 hours a day 6 days a week. I won't have time to try. By the time I'm done worming she'll have her license and I won't see her anymore.

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 09:25 AM
Alright, okay, understood.

Like I said, you all need to work together to help her out. I can't go over there and do anything, all I can do is offer advice. You and her family (and the therapist, if she's a good one) are going to do whatever you guys can to help her and get her to open up. Never force her, but gently try to persuade her. Time may be running out but it is also your friend, because this will take TIME. It cannot all happen in a day.

With all of this support from amazing people like you and her family I think she will really get better.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 09:27 AM
Alright, okay, understood.

Like I said, you all need to work together to help her out. I can't go over there and do anything, all I can do is offer advice. You and her family (and the therapist, if she's a good one) are going to do whatever you guys can to help her and get her to open up. Never force her, but gently try to persuade her. Time may be running out but it is also your friend, because this will take TIME. It cannot all happen in a day.

With all of this support from amazing people like you and her family I think she will really get better.

I know she'll get better. She'll come out of this but its been 3 months now...she was only with him for 2. She's getting worse not better. I want to help in the worst way but everyone including her told me to back off a little so there's not much I can do right now except watch. Now if I knew something was going down and went and kicked down a few doors to help everyone would be happy but I can't go doing that on assumptions.

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 09:34 AM
She's getting worse because she's not doing anything to cooperate.

So you've been told to back off? Well if everyone (meaning her family if I'm correct) said to back off a bit, maybe you should. Obviously that doesn't mean to distance yourself a lot, just keep calm and try your best. Do what's best for EVERYONE, including you.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 09:37 AM
She's getting worse because she's not doing anything to cooperate.

So you've been told to back off? Well if everyone (meaning her family if I'm correct) said to back off a bit, maybe you should. Obviously that doesn't mean to distance yourself a lot, just keep calm and try your best. Do what's best for EVERYONE, including you.

Its hard to be calm when she could possibly be cutting again. I know her past and I fear for her. I want to keep her safe. I want her to be OK. I just really worry for her. She's the first girl I've felt this way about and I don't want to loose it. Her dad knows I'm concerned and so does her mom. Her dad told me last night even he's concerned but no one knows what to do we just want to help her but every time someone trys she tells us to fuck off and leave her alone. And she always tells me she's fine. I obviously know she's now I know her well enough to when something wrong and some things not but just like i would do she doesn't say a thing

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 09:57 AM
Alright, when you were in that position and you told everybody to fuck off, is that what you really wanted?

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 09:58 AM
Alright, when you were in that position and you told everybody to fuck off, is that what you really wanted?

No. I wanted someone but I couldn't trust anyone to tell them. I wanted someone. I wanted it in the worst way but every time I was like that someone ruined my trust. So I couldn't say anything.

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 10:05 AM
What do you mean by the worst way?

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 10:07 AM
What do you mean by the worst way?

I wanted someone to just be there. I wanted to feel like meant something to someone. But I could not find it when I was in that position...the same way she is.

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 10:10 AM
So, like you, she wants someone to be there for her.

Now I want to ask you this: Who do you think the best person for that job is?

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 10:11 AM
So, like you, she wants someone to be there for her.

Now I want to ask you this: Who do you think the best person for that job is?

I don't know. There's a lot of people that want to be there for her right now but she won't let anybody be there. If I had to pick the best person I'd have to say her best friend. She's been through it all and knows exactly what to do

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 10:15 AM
Well, you can all be there for her. There might just be someone that she tells everything to. If you think her best friend is the best one for this, contact her then. It might be a good idea.

After that, you just have to see where things go from there, right?

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 10:29 AM
Well, you can all be there for her. There might just be someone that she tells everything to. If you think her best friend is the best one for this, contact her then. It might be a good idea.

After that, you just have to see where things go from there, right?

If she's telling anyone everything its me and her best friend. She's told me everything from the past and everything that's happening up until now. She trusted me and I hope she still does..but like every cutter its secretive and you never tell anybody about it. That's what concerns me is she won't talk

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 10:32 AM
I think you and her best friend should work together to try to talk to her (even if it doesn't work, just try it, ok?) because she seems to trust both of you the most and that might be the best thing for her right now.

She might not talk at first but eventually she will, remember time can be your friend or enemy.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 10:38 AM
I think you and her best friend should work together to try to talk to her (even if it doesn't work, just try it, ok?) because she seems to trust both of you the most and that might be the best thing for her right now.

She might not talk at first but eventually she will, remember time can be your friend or enemy.
I'll try but I don't know its gonna go. Her friend knows what to do and she hasn't done anything yet that I know of except try to talk to her and got the same thing I did. Ignored.

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 11:22 AM
That's why you keep trying. She will ignore you and she will give you guys a hard time. But you need to keep on going until she finally starts talking. That's all I can really say right now.

And it won't work out perfectly, this is going to take time. You just need to be both patient with her and yourself. With proper support she will open up. Don't give up just because of het ignoring everyone and telling them to fuck off.

You can all make it.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 11:25 AM
That's why you keep trying. She will ignore you and she will give you guys a hard time. But you need to keep on going until she finally starts talking. That's all I can really say right now.

And it won't work out perfectly, this is going to take time. You just need to be both patient with her and yourself. With proper support she will open up. Don't give up just because of het ignoring everyone and telling them to fuck off.

You can all make it.
I'll try I just don't want this too end up bad. I don't want her to leave because i annoyed her. I want her to be OK but I don't want to push her. I know her. I know if she wants to talk she will. But I also know when she starts talking that if she was cutting she won't say anything about it because cutters never do. I know she won't because she's already been to the psych ward once because of that and she doesn't want to go back.

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 11:30 AM
If she doesn't want to go back then she will end up talking to you guys so she could be safer.

You said you will try so now what you can do is try and just see where things go from there. Honestly I think that's the best thing you can do at the moment. You don't want to push her so don't, be gentle and caring.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 12:16 PM
If she doesn't want to go back then she will end up talking to you guys so she could be safer.

You said you will try so now what you can do is try and just see where things go from there. Honestly I think that's the best thing you can do at the moment. You don't want to push her so don't, be gentle and caring.

I'm so conflicted on this. I want to help. I don't want her to hurt herself but I always end up pushing to hard without knowing it and get myself hurt...I want to try to help but I don't know if I should

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 12:50 PM
If you and her best friend are going to both help, her best friend will help out to make sure you aren't pushing too hard. You could help but you don't have to be the one to talk to her about things. If you think her best friend is better suited for that then let her, and you could help out with anything she needs.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 01:33 PM
If you and her best friend are going to both help, her best friend will help out to make sure you aren't pushing too hard. You could help but you don't have to be the one to talk to her about things. If you think her best friend is better suited for that then let her, and you could help out with anything she needs.

I guess that's true...I'll see what I can do

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 01:37 PM
I wish you the best of luck with everything. I hope I helped at least a little and that things will work out for you and everyone else. Remember that everyone on VT is here for you if you ever need anything.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 01:44 PM
I wish you the best of luck with everything. I hope I helped at least a little and that things will work out for you and everyone else. Remember that everyone on VT is here for you if you ever need anything.

You helped more than anymore else...

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 01:46 PM
Did I? I think it was mostly you, no?

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 02:10 PM
Did I? I think it was mostly you, no?

No I just said the problem. I told me how to fix it. I'm waiting for her dad now to see if he thinks its a good idea to talk to her best friend

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 02:13 PM
Let's hope it works out.

And I didn't tell you the solution, I just asked you questions and gave you options that could lead to the solution. It was mostly you.

Anyway, glad to be of help u_u.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 02:46 PM
Let's hope it works out.

And I didn't tell you the solution, I just asked you questions and gave you options that could lead to the solution. It was mostly you.

Anyway, glad to be of help u_u.

Anybody who gives me advice on this girl is help ing. I love her more than anything else. I want what's best for her

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 02:58 PM
And she'll get just that: What's best for her.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 08:06 PM
And she'll get just that: What's best for her.

Well I just broke down and texted her. I doubt I'll hear back which isn't helping my anxiety right but her dad never showed up like I thought so I didnt hear about her best friend but I told her I was concerned. I told her that if she actually reads that I need to know she's OK. I really hope she reads it...I can't take this not knowing anymore

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 08:29 PM
Just stay calm and wait for her reply, alright? Don't do anything rash, the only thing you can do is wait.

Professional Russian
April 18th, 2015, 08:39 PM
Just stay calm and wait for her reply, alright? Don't do anything rash, the only thing you can do is wait.

Yeah wait for a reply that will never come.

WanderingHeart
April 18th, 2015, 08:43 PM
Look, I'm doing my best to help you and right now I'm not taking this negative attitude. So will you be fucking positive and just try to wait and see what happens?

Atom
April 19th, 2015, 12:42 AM
I have something to say about this whole getting help and psychic ward thing.
You definitely should seeks help if you think you need it. If you're afraid of them locking you up because of "the law," then you should find a way around said law. Have you tried seeking professional help online? There are people with diplomas who provide help online for free. And you absolutely need it if you want to help her. Like I said before, you cannot help someone if you need help yourself. When the ship is sinking, how will you help people take their places in the lifeboat if you're running around screaming yourself? You just can't. That's it. So you need to get yourself in order first if you want to be able to help her. Again, you don't have to get locked up, but you need help so go get it elsewhere, like on those sites I was talking about. And you will be able to help her so she won't have to get locked up. With what do you need help again, btw?
Also you can never turn people with simple logic. They all need proof. So don't just say to her that you care - show it. And if you want her to feel better, then make it look like that you're doing this because you deeply care about her, not just because you (and her parents and friends) don't want to see her like this. This will make her think that you just want her not to be depresses and to just be happy again.
Also I believe she is pushing everyone away right now because she's afraid to get her trust betrayed again. She wants it, she needs it, but she's afraid to get burnt again. She pushes everyone away because she really needs you all right now. And you know that I'm right if you were in the same situation before.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 05:42 AM
Look, I'm doing my best to help you and right now I'm not taking this negative attitude. So will you be fucking positive and just try to wait and see what happens?

Its not negative its the truth. Like I said she never responded. She never does anymore. She blocked everyone out isn't talking. I was just praying that she would of read it and seen my concern

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 10:00 AM
Wait, I misunderstood - you texted the girl? I thought you said you texted her best friend.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 10:30 AM
Wait, I misunderstood - you texted the girl? I thought you said you texted her best friend.

No I texted her. I never talked to her best friend yet because I haven't talked to her parents about it. I put everything through then first so if it goes wrong they approved it.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 10:34 AM
Ohh, I get it now. Why did you text her knowing she wouldn't respond, then?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 10:40 AM
Ohh, I get it now. Why did you text her knowing she wouldn't respond, then?

Because I was hopeing and praying that shed look at it. I was praying for that very small chance or her reading it. Even if she just read it and didn't respond. As long as she knew someone's concerned about her. I just get like that sometimes. I have to let her know what I think and I end up texting it to her. Part of it makes me feel better but when she doesn't text back I feel horrible

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 10:54 AM
You'll probably get annoyed at me for this, but don't text her. It will be damaging to you if you don't get a reply (trust me, I've been in similar situations) but the best thing to do is talk to her parents about her best friend. You already texted her once and you don't need to do it again.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 11:13 AM
You'll probably get annoyed at me for this, but don't text her. It will be damaging to you if you don't get a reply (trust me, I've been in similar situations) but the best thing to do is talk to her parents about her best friend. You already texted her once and you don't need to do it again.

Well her dad usually shows up everyday so he'll probably be here today sometime so I'll talk to him when he comes. And I'm not going to get annoyed at you. I know I shouldn't text her. I know it will probably make things worse but I wanted to let her know how worried I was...at the time I thought it was the right thing to do.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 12:52 PM
You were just trying to let her know, you did nothing wrong. It's just that texting her was not the best thing at the moment.

I hope all goes well when you talk to her dad.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 12:54 PM
You were just trying to let her know, you did nothing wrong. It's just that texting her was not the best thing at the moment.

I hope all goes well when you talk to her dad.

Yeah I do to...I've been trying to think of things that would get her out of the house but everything I think of only lasts for a day.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 12:56 PM
A day is better than nothing, right?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 12:59 PM
A day is better than nothing, right?

True but if she works like me down to timing I always feel worse at night...so I'd have to take her at night.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 01:03 PM
Then take her out at night. Do whatever you can do cheer her up, even just for a night.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 01:04 PM
Then take her out at night. Do whatever you can do cheer her up, even just for a night.

I'm gonna try. I've already got a couple things lined in the next couple weeks if her parents approve. They know I'm trying my.best to make her happy again...and of course I'm doing it for myself to. But we'll see how it goes

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 01:06 PM
We'll just have to see, then.
I wish you all the luck in the world!

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 01:24 PM
We'll just have to see, then.
I wish you all the luck in the world!

Thanks I need it. I have to ask does it seem like I'm.obsessed with this girl?

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 01:32 PM
Your question made me smile. No, it doesn't seem like you're obsessed at all. Maybe a bit clingy, but that's okay. Tbh I'm clingy to my best friend xD.
You just really care about her, nothing wrong with that.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 02:10 PM
Your question made me smile. No, it doesn't seem like you're obsessed at all. Maybe a bit clingy, but that's okay. Tbh I'm clingy to my best friend xD.
You just really care about her, nothing wrong with that.

I didn't think I was but had people tell me I was. They thought she was using me. They said my obsession with her mind made me see past her using me....if she was using me she wouldn't have broken down and cried in my arms

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 02:12 PM
Well technically if she was using you, wouldn't she have used you for comfort by crying into your arms?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 02:14 PM
Well technically if she was using you, wouldn't she have used you for comfort by crying into your arms?

No. She doesn't show that to people. Her parents told she never done that before. Not to them her sister her best friend. No one. I was the only person that saw her like that.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 02:17 PM
Well then she trusts you, idk why they're saying she's using you. I can't read her mind, how am I supposed to know?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 02:21 PM
Well then she trusts you, idk why they're saying she's using you. I can't read her mind, how am I supposed to know?

In these guys defense they know my problems and they don't want to see me get hurt but there comes a point where you meet someone and they totally change your life and this what this girl did.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 02:30 PM
Yeah I get it. Maybe before deciding whether she's using you or whatever, make sure she's at least stable because it might just be her instability making her act this way.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 02:34 PM
Yeah I get it. Maybe before deciding whether she's using you or whatever, make sure she's at least stable because it might just be her instability making her act this way.

I'm not leaving her even if she is using me. I enjoy her company to much...

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 02:37 PM
What?

Okay, scenario wise. Let's say she is using you. You'd stay with her?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 02:56 PM
What?

Okay, scenario wise. Let's say she is using you. You'd stay with her?

Yes.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 03:15 PM
Even if she had a bad intention?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 03:22 PM
Even if she had a bad intention?

Not if she had bad intentions. I know she wouldnt

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 03:25 PM
I'm talking scenario wise - I didn't mean to say she does have one at all, sorry.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 03:31 PM
I'm talking scenario wise - I didn't mean to say she does have one at all, sorry.

Then yes I'd leave her. It would break my heart take a year to get over and a lot if apologizing to her parents but yes I'd leaver.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 03:35 PM
Okay, I was scared you would say you'd stay with her - because then we'd have a problem...

But anyway let's not think about that stuff.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 03:37 PM
Okay, I was scared you would say you'd stay with her - because then we'd have a problem...

But anyway let's not think about that stuff.

I didnt even want to. I'll over think it tonight and end up in tears as always. Im more concerned about the self harming she may be doing. I haven't heard from her or her family since Friday....ive been told her dads on his way to my house but I don't know how true that is....I don't know if I even want to bring the cutting up to him

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 03:39 PM
How else are you going to help her if you don't talk this through??

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 03:40 PM
How else are you going to help her if you don't talk this through??

Because I don't want to tell him have him take care of it putting her through all the shit she doesn't want to do then end up being wrong and having her hate me for it

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 03:43 PM
This is all up to you - whether you talk about it to him or not is your choice. I can't tell you whether you should or not because, well, you know the situation better. If you think taking to him about it is a bad idea then don't do it. If her mother knows you could always try talking to her...

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 03:44 PM
This is all up to you - whether you talk about it to him or not is your choice. I can't tell you whether you should or not because, well, you know the situation better. If you think taking to him about it is a bad idea then don't do it. If her mother knows you could always try talking to her...

She knows what happened but she, like everyone else doesn't know whats happening now

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 03:49 PM
I think, unless her parents are really not good with this stuff, that you should let them know because thy ARE her parents after all.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 03:56 PM
I have something to say about this whole getting help and psychic ward thing.
You definitely should seeks help if you think you need it. If you're afraid of them locking you up because of "the law," then you should find a way around said law. Have you tried seeking professional help online? There are people with diplomas who provide help online for free. And you absolutely need it if you want to help her. Like I said before, you cannot help someone if you need help yourself. When the ship is sinking, how will you help people take their places in the lifeboat if you're running around screaming yourself? You just can't. That's it. So you need to get yourself in order first if you want to be able to help her. Again, you don't have to get locked up, but you need help so go get it elsewhere, like on those sites I was talking about. And you will be able to help her so she won't have to get locked up. With what do you need help again, btw?
Also you can never turn people with simple logic. They all need proof. So don't just say to her that you care - show it. And if you want her to feel better, then make it look like that you're doing this because you deeply care about her, not just because you (and her parents and friends) don't want to see her like this. This will make her think that you just want her not to be depresses and to just be happy again.
Also I believe she is pushing everyone away right now because she's afraid to get her trust betrayed again. She wants it, she needs it, but she's afraid to get burnt again. She pushes everyone away because she really needs you all right now. And you know that I'm right if you were in the same situation before.
I've proved I care. I wouldn't voluntarily hold her while she cried and tell her its OK. I would have cried with her if I didn't care. I wouldn't be talking her parents so much if I didn't care. I would be thinking about talking her best friend about her if I didn't care. I wouldn't send her a novel over text showing my concern to her if I didn't care. I would feel like complete shit because I can't do anything if I didn't. I showed I care in every way shape and form. There's no other way I can do it. Of course she's afraid to get her trust betrayed again. She's not going to trust anything. She's just like me. Ive tried talking to her. I've tried getting it out of her. I've sent other people closer to her to do it. She won't talk to anyone. Its been made clear in multiple ways I'm here if she needs it and ilk come walking in her door at 3 in the morning if she wants it.
I think, unless her parents are really not good with this stuff, that you should let them know because thy ARE her parents after all.

Her parents aren't necessarily good with it. It took them awhile to figure it out the first time and they're obviously missing the signs to it again. But I don't want to tell them and end being wrong and over thinking it. Unless you knew everyone around her like I do and you lived in my mind its really hard to see what I mean. I while I have an extreme love for her and don't want anything bad to happen I don't want to betray her trust and have her hate because I went on a hunch that was wrong.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 03:58 PM
....Wait is the hunch that she's self-harming?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 04:01 PM
....Wait is the hunch that she's self-harming?

Yes. I have no evidence of it other than the signs.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 04:03 PM
Alright - you have the signs. Will you tell her parents to ensure her safety?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 04:04 PM
Alright - you have the signs. Will you tell her parents to ensure her safety?

Her mom yes her dad no

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 04:05 PM
Do you think her mom will have to at some point tell her dad?

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 04:06 PM
Do you think her mom will have to at some point tell her dad?

Yes but its better she handles it than me. Her mom will talk to her first and confirm before doing anything. Her dad will either A. Straight up deny it happen or B. Jump to conclusions and get her checked even if there's nothing wrong

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 04:12 PM
It's best you just tell her mom then, yeah...if your hunch is wrong then it's wrong. If it's right well like you said...

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 04:14 PM
It's best you just tell her mom then, yeah...if your hunch is wrong then it's wrong. If it's right well like you said...

I'll see when I see her next. I don't her mom as often only every once in awhile. But everyone is aware there's something wrong we've all concluded that we've all had ideas on what's happening from super innocent little sister to to me who practically lived it.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 04:16 PM
Things will work out eventually >.<

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 04:18 PM
Things will work out eventually >.<

I hope it doesn't...I don't want to see anything bad happen to her...I'd never forgive myself if it did.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 04:21 PM
I have a question, you don't have to answer it:

Would you rather have it so she's safe, but she hates you
Or she loves you but something bad has happened to her?

I'll answer the question just for you with my own best friend.
I'd rather have it so she's safe but hates me.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 04:23 PM
I have a question, you don't have to answer it:

Would you rather have it so she's safe, but she hates you
Or she loves you but something bad has happened to her?

I'll answer the question just for you with my own best friend.
I'd rather have it so she's safe but hates me.
I can't answer that I don't know. I want her to be safe. I want her to be happy. But j could deal with her hating me either. I love her too much....

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 04:29 PM
Like I said you don't have to answer it, I probably shouldn't have asked anyway. My point was that no matter what she needs to be ensured her safety.

Professional Russian
April 19th, 2015, 05:24 PM
Like I said you don't have to answer it, I probably shouldn't have asked anyway. My point was that no matter what she needs to be ensured her safety.

I know she needs to be safe but while she needs to be safe i need help myself. Im dealing with to much right now. Im jist losing it. There's so many people against me with this girl I have to deal with my dad and myself. I just shattered my phone screen so if she does text me I won't see it. My knuckles a bleedimg beautofuly right now because off everything i just punched....and oim really felomg the urge to add some more scars to the collection. I can't take this. My life's talking apart and I'm worried about a girl who probably doesn't even feel the same way back mo4e than !myself.

WanderingHeart
April 19th, 2015, 07:17 PM
Don't do anything to yourself! If you do something then that won't help with the situation.