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City Kid
March 21st, 2015, 04:07 PM
Up until a few weeks ago I thought one of the stupidest things I could do was to start smoking. (Sorry if anybody finds this offensive. I'm not judging anybody, I just personally never liked the idea of doing this kind of stuff to my body.) But recently I feel so drawn to the idea of smoking that I'm worried I might actually start.

It's not because of peer pressure. None of my friends is smoking. To be honest I know only one person my age that is smoking and I've never really talked to him.

I rather think it's because I've recently stopped self-harming. In my case, starting to smoke would probably be an alternative to cutting. I also just don't care as much about my own future as I used to. I'm not suicidal, at least not for now. It's more that my near future seems to be a dark, foggy wall I can't seem to look through. I'm so concentrated on getting through the next few months that I don't even spend a single thought of what happens after I've battled my depression (if I even will).

The rational part of my mind tells me not to do it, but it was the same thing with the cutting: One day I was just to weak to withstand the urge. I wouldn't call this thing with cigarettes an urge yet, it's more like a nagging thought at the back of my mind that I haven't been able to leave behind. How the hell do I get rid of it?

Mil1dreded
March 22nd, 2015, 05:11 AM
Try and occupy yourself with more positive activities if you have any hobbies follow them up more, or go to the gym it is good for relieving stress and gets you healthy. Smoking isn't a good choice for one all the unseen damage it does. You'll smell of cigarettes all the time which isn't nice , and it turns your teeth and nails yellow trust me it really isn't worth it hope this helps :)

Dalcourt
March 22nd, 2015, 08:19 AM
Yeah, smoking is really bad for your health...so don't get started. Try to find something you can occupy yourself with...

Vermilion
March 22nd, 2015, 08:46 AM
Up until a few weeks ago I thought one of the stupidest things I could do was to start smoking. (Sorry if anybody finds this offensive. I'm not judging anybody, I just personally never liked the idea of doing this kind of stuff to my body.) But recently I feel so drawn to the idea of smoking that I'm worried I might actually start.

It's not because of peer pressure. None of my friends is smoking. To be honest I know only one person my age that is smoking and I've never really talked to him.

I rather think it's because I've recently stopped self-harming. In my case, starting to smoke would probably be an alternative to cutting. I also just don't care as much about my own future as I used to. I'm not suicidal, at least not for now. It's more that my near future seems to be a dark, foggy wall I can't seem to look through. I'm so concentrated on getting through the next few months that I don't even spend a single thought of what happens after I've battled my depression (if I even will).

The rational part of my mind tells me not to do it, but it was the same thing with the cutting: One day I was just to weak to withstand the urge. I wouldn't call this thing with cigarettes an urge yet, it's more like a nagging thought at the back of my mind that I haven't been able to leave behind. How the hell do I get rid of it?

I know the feeling I've been putting it off for about a year now. I've been on antidepressants for about 3 weeks so it's helped me a lot but every day is a struggle not to have one / start. I just hope if I try it I'll hate it but I love the smell so I doubt it. Try focusing on your future and how you'll going to get there and don't let anything stop you, even if you fall of track for a bit get back on when you see what you need to do. I know it's not easy I'm struggling myself.

ImCoolBeans
March 22nd, 2015, 10:56 AM
I understand that you're feeling depressed, but that generally means that you're not thinking 100% clearly or rationally. Starting to smoke cigarettes may feel like it helps with stress or your mood in the short term, but that buzz/good feeling starts to fade away pretty quickly, and once you've built up a tolerance to it, it's more so just getting your nicotine fix than actually feeling good for a few minutes. It's really not worth it considering how expensive it is, it makes you smell like smoke, your breath will smell, your clothes will smell, everything you own will eventually start to smell, your teeth will start to yellow and you could have problems with your gums, and not to mention the other obvious health risks like lung cancer, C.O.P.D., and heart disease. It's really just a poor life choice, be smart.

SethfromMI
March 22nd, 2015, 07:10 PM
I understand that you're feeling depressed, but that generally means that you're not thinking 100% clearly or rationally. Starting to smoke cigarettes may feel like it helps with stress or your mood in the short term, but that buzz/good feeling starts to fade away pretty quickly, and once you've built up a tolerance to it, it's more so just getting your nicotine fix than actually feeling good for a few minutes. It's really not worth it considering how expensive it is, it makes you smell like smoke, your breath will smell, your clothes will smell, everything you own will eventually start to smell, your teeth will start to yellow and you could have problems with your gums, and not to mention the other obvious health risks like lung cancer, C.O.P.D., and heart disease. It's really just a poor life choice, be smart.

exactly. in the end, there are not positives. such a filthy, expensive habit

dirtyboxer55
March 23rd, 2015, 09:10 PM
try to take up a hobby such as poetry or basket weaving

City Kid
March 24th, 2015, 04:45 PM
First, a big thank you to everyone. And sorry I haven't responded yet, I needed to collect my thoughts about the whole topic before returning.

Try and occupy yourself with more positive activities if you have any hobbies follow them up more, or go to the gym it is good for relieving stress and gets you healthy. Smoking isn't a good choice for one all the unseen damage it does. You'll smell of cigarettes all the time which isn't nice , and it turns your teeth and nails yellow trust me it really isn't worth it hope this helps :)
I really appreciate this advice and I'm sure if I would follow it, it would help. But the thing is... At the moment I'm lucky if I can get out of bed in the morning. I've just lost interest in every hobby I used to love. I even have to motivate myself to leave my bed to get something to drink, even if my throat's already burning from thirst. And that has nothing to do with laziness, it's on a whole new level. Sports on the other hand... I never liked sports. I did them rather irregularly before I got the depression, but now... It's next to impossible.

Yeah, smoking is really bad for your health...so don't get started. Try to find something you can occupy yourself with...
I know, I know... Wish it were this easy though. Like I said above I've lost interest in doing anything fun since I've got the depression. Still thanks for trying to help. :)

I know the feeling I've been putting it off for about a year now. I've been on antidepressants for about 3 weeks so it's helped me a lot but every day is a struggle not to have one / start. I just hope if I try it I'll hate it but I love the smell so I doubt it. Try focusing on your future and how you'll going to get there and don't let anything stop you, even if you fall of track for a bit get back on when you see what you need to do. I know it's not easy I'm struggling myself.
Wow, it's actually quite relieving to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this! Also, I'm happy to hear your antidepressants are working out for you. I'm on them since yesterday, hope they will help me, too. Honestly, I don't even know if I'd like the actual smoking, but I'm afraid I wouldn't care if I didn't. I'd still keep doing it. Which is why I want to resist picking up a cigarette in the first place! I'm sure we can both do it! Thanks for the support.

I understand that you're feeling depressed, but that generally means that you're not thinking 100% clearly or rationally. Starting to smoke cigarettes may feel like it helps with stress or your mood in the short term, but that buzz/good feeling starts to fade away pretty quickly, and once you've built up a tolerance to it, it's more so just getting your nicotine fix than actually feeling good for a few minutes. It's really not worth it considering how expensive it is, it makes you smell like smoke, your breath will smell, your clothes will smell, everything you own will eventually start to smell, your teeth will start to yellow and you could have problems with your gums, and not to mention the other obvious health risks like lung cancer, C.O.P.D., and heart disease. It's really just a poor life choice, be smart.
I know, I know. I really don't want to do this. But I didn't want to start self-harming either. It just sort of happened and then I couldn't stop. I've not been harming myself for 2 weeks, but I feel like one day I can't do it anymore and then I'm gonna make a choice between a blade and a cigarette. And I'm already afraid of this day.

exactly. in the end, there are not positives. such a filthy, expensive habit
Yeah... I know. But like I said, and like ImCoolBeans said, it's not about making a rational decision. It's more like an uncontrollable part of me keeps telling me that starting to smoke would help. And now I want it to stop bothering me!

try to take up a hobby such as poetry or basket weaving
I'm sorry, but I really don't know how to react to this.

SethfromMI
March 24th, 2015, 09:07 PM
First, a big thank you to everyone. And sorry I haven't responded yet, I needed to collect my thoughts about the whole topic before returning.


I really appreciate this advice and I'm sure if I would follow it, it would help. But the thing is... At the moment I'm lucky if I can get out of bed in the morning. I've just lost interest in every hobby I used to love. I even have to motivate myself to leave my bed to get something to drink, even if my throat's already burning from thirst. And that has nothing to do with laziness, it's on a whole new level. Sports on the other hand... I never liked sports. I did them rather irregularly before I got the depression, but now... It's next to impossible.


I know, I know... Wish it were this easy though. Like I said above I've lost interest in doing anything fun since I've got the depression. Still thanks for trying to help. :)


Wow, it's actually quite relieving to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this! Also, I'm happy to hear your antidepressants are working out for you. I'm on them since yesterday, hope they will help me, too. Honestly, I don't even know if I'd like the actual smoking, but I'm afraid I wouldn't care if I didn't. I'd still keep doing it. Which is why I want to resist picking up a cigarette in the first place! I'm sure we can both do it! Thanks for the support.


I know, I know. I really don't want to do this. But I didn't want to start self-harming either. It just sort of happened and then I couldn't stop. I've not been harming myself for 2 weeks, but I feel like one day I can't do it anymore and then I'm gonna make a choice between a blade and a cigarette. And I'm already afraid of this day.


Yeah... I know. But like I said, and like ImCoolBeans said, it's not about making a rational decision. It's more like an uncontrollable part of me keeps telling me that starting to smoke would help. And now I want it to stop bothering me!


I'm sorry, but I really don't know how to react to this.

well there are some good programs out there and as hard as it may be it is possible. I wish you the best

rusty205x
March 24th, 2015, 09:22 PM
Wow, it's actually quite relieving to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this! Also, I'm happy to hear your antidepressants are working out for you. I'm on them since yesterday, hope they will help me, too. Honestly, I don't even know if I'd like the actual smoking, but I'm afraid I wouldn't care if I didn't. I'd still keep doing it. Which is why I want to resist picking up a cigarette in the first place! I'm sure we can both do it! Thanks for the support.


Good job getting antidepressants! Seriously, one of the toughest things for me a year or two ago when I was going through something really similar to what you're describing (the depression, not the self harm) was actually trying to get help and going to see a therapist and my dr. If you're just seeing your dr and not seeing a therapist, I'd definitely recommend trying it, it's kind of a confidential unload zone where you can just talk and both figure out the root of your depression and also work on improving your day to day life. At least, that's how it was for me!

When it comes to smoking, I'd suggest the stuff I just wrote haha. Honestly, it's really tough to fight those random temptations, especially when you're depressed and have the feeling somewhere in the back of your mind that "well maybe this will help me, I feel like I've tried everything else!" Right now, rather than focus on a hobby (cause I know the feeling of not enjoying anything anymore) try just focusing on small stuff in your life, like getting out of bed, or deciding to make yourself a lunch to take today or something like that. Eventually, all that stuff adds up and you can start to feel a lot more "in control" of your life instead of feeling like you're just drifting through. Hell, that's where addictions like cutting or smoking or drinking (that's what I fell into) start...that feeling that you need to take control of some part of your life.

Don't worry tho, you'll make it through this. Just that you're talking about it so openly is a good first step!!

tasminsmith
March 25th, 2015, 04:28 PM
i'm sorry to hear about your depression, but seriously it would be a terrible idea to smoke, have you ever kissed some one who is a heavy smoker? it's awfull, tastes like tar. numerous health problems as well as the fact that it's ridiculously expensive, maybe take up some sort of art or instrument.

Pulp501
March 27th, 2015, 10:49 PM
I smoke to help my anxiety and depression, and I won't lie, it helps, it really relaxes me. But I wouldn't recommend it. It's pretty bad for you, and it's easy to get addicted. Also, it doesn't even help a lot of people.

Abhorrence
March 28th, 2015, 05:34 AM
Trying anything with addictive consequences is usually a bad idea. Especially if you are suffering from mental illness, usually by nature people suffering with mental illnesses are more susceptible to addiction.

Meh Guy
March 28th, 2015, 06:00 PM
What's happening is exactly what yo said. You're replacing one urge with the other. Try occupying yourself with something less destructive and harmful. If you need to, let someone know that you really don't want to start and I'm sure they can help you resist.

Dalcourt
March 28th, 2015, 11:33 PM
I smoke to help my anxiety and depression, and I won't lie, it helps, it really relaxes me. But I wouldn't recommend it. It's pretty bad for you, and it's easy to get addicted. Also, it doesn't even help a lot of people.

Yeah, same here. l smoked a whole pack today. For me it's calming and sometimes it even helps keeping me from selfharming in other ways.
But as Pulp501 said I don't recommend it cuz I know people that have completely different experiences and smoking doesn't calm them at all.

At the end of the day smoking is just another bad addiction you have to battle with later.
Unfortunately I can't think of any less harmful alternatives...cuz everything I do if I don't smoke cigarettes isn't something I would recommend.

Seth Green
March 29th, 2015, 09:12 PM
Are you drawn to cigarettes because you want some way to hurt yourself or you just want something to occupy yourself with?

City Kid
April 4th, 2015, 04:50 PM
well there are some good programs out there and as hard as it may be it is possible. I wish you the best
Are you talking about depression or addiction? And thanks for trying to help!

Good job getting antidepressants! Seriously, one of the toughest things for me a year or two ago when I was going through something really similar to what you're describing (the depression, not the self harm) was actually trying to get help and going to see a therapist and my dr. If you're just seeing your dr and not seeing a therapist, I'd definitely recommend trying it, it's kind of a confidential unload zone where you can just talk and both figure out the root of your depression and also work on improving your day to day life. At least, that's how it was for me!

When it comes to smoking, I'd suggest the stuff I just wrote haha. Honestly, it's really tough to fight those random temptations, especially when you're depressed and have the feeling somewhere in the back of your mind that "well maybe this will help me, I feel like I've tried everything else!" Right now, rather than focus on a hobby (cause I know the feeling of not enjoying anything anymore) try just focusing on small stuff in your life, like getting out of bed, or deciding to make yourself a lunch to take today or something like that. Eventually, all that stuff adds up and you can start to feel a lot more "in control" of your life instead of feeling like you're just drifting through. Hell, that's where addictions like cutting or smoking or drinking (that's what I fell into) start...that feeling that you need to take control of some part of your life.

Don't worry tho, you'll make it through this. Just that you're talking about it so openly is a good first step!!
First I wanna thank you for such a long post. Looks like you really care, even though I'm just some random person on the internet. So thanks for that. :)
To be honest, trying to find help wasn't that difficult for me. But instead I had huge problems opening up to my therapist, which is why I was in therapy for about 6 months without any results. That's why it took more than a whole year for my depression to get diagnosed. Right now, you could say I'm in some kind of transition phase when it comes to therapy. The psychiatrist I'm seeing is also a therapist and I'm having irregular appointments with her, but I'm not officially in therapy since I stopped going to therapy last August. I also have an appointment in a psychiatric hospital in about a month.
I'm already trying to follow your advice about the temptations, but to be honest the urge to self harm is still just as strong as it was before. I haven't cut in nearly a month and I still haven't had a cigarette yet, but it's so, so hard. A few nights ago I was literally searching my entire room for something I could cut myself with. The only reason I didn't ended up self harming that night was that I simply didn't find anything. The following two days I felt a little better, but right now I'm starting to get really bad again. I just don't know how long I can keep it all up.

i'm sorry to hear about your depression, but seriously it would be a terrible idea to smoke, have you ever kissed some one who is a heavy smoker? it's awfull, tastes like tar. numerous health problems as well as the fact that it's ridiculously expensive, maybe take up some sort of art or instrument.
Thanks for adding to the list of con arguments... I know it's stupid and disgusting and expensive. But right now it's still hard not to start. And as for finding a new hobby, well, I've already lost every interest in my old hobbies, so I don't think I'm able to start anything new... But still, thank you for your advice.

I smoke to help my anxiety and depression, and I won't lie, it helps, it really relaxes me. But I wouldn't recommend it. It's pretty bad for you, and it's easy to get addicted. Also, it doesn't even help a lot of people.
That's what I'm talking about. I've never smoked before, but I feel like something inside of me keeps telling me it would help me. But then I also know how much I always hated the idea of smoking and how hard it would be to stop once I start. So... Yeah, basically I'm confused as hell.

Trying anything with addictive consequences is usually a bad idea. Especially if you are suffering from mental illness, usually by nature people suffering with mental illnesses are more susceptible to addiction.
Yep, I know that from first hand experience. Like I mentioned before I was (or am, though I'm clean at the moment) addicted to cutting. I just don't think I can keep that up much longer and I think I'm either gonna go back to cutting or I'm gonna find something kind of similar, like smoking.

What's happening is exactly what yo said. You're replacing one urge with the other. Try occupying yourself with something less destructive and harmful. If you need to, let someone know that you really don't want to start and I'm sure they can help you resist.
Currently I'm feeling more drawn to blades than to cigarettes and I think I could relapse any minute now. Actually my parents and two of my friends know about the cutting and that I'm currently struggling with not starting again. But my friends obviously can't be around all the time and all my parents do is put pressure on me. So basically, that people know doesn't keep me from doing it, it just makes me hide it more carefully. Thanks anyway, I really mean that.

Yeah, same here. l smoked a whole pack today. For me it's calming and sometimes it even helps keeping me from selfharming in other ways.
But as Pulp501 said I don't recommend it cuz I know people that have completely different experiences and smoking doesn't calm them at all.

At the end of the day smoking is just another bad addiction you have to battle with later.
Unfortunately I can't think of any less harmful alternatives...cuz everything I do if I don't smoke cigarettes isn't something I would recommend.
Hey, Peanut. :)
Thanks for posting here. I can really refer to what you're talking about, even though I've not started smoking yet. I just feel like it's the only alternative to cutting...

Are you drawn to cigarettes because you want some way to hurt yourself or you just want something to occupy yourself with?
Basically I want something to keep me from hurting myself in another way because smoking would be easier to hide. That's the most straight forward I can put it.

SethfromMI
April 4th, 2015, 04:57 PM
@Stadkind

well there are some good programs to help giving up the smoking. depression is not as easy to just give up, but there are some counselors out there who do specialize in dealing with people with depression.

City Kid
April 4th, 2015, 06:30 PM
well there are some good programs to help giving up the smoking. depression is not as easy to just give up, but there are some counselors out there who do specialize in dealing with people with depression.
I think you misinterpreted what I wrote in my first post. Right now my problem isn't quitting but not starting to smoke. As for overcoming depression, I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist for it and I have an appointment at a psychiatric hospital in a few weeks.

MrSchaef
May 20th, 2015, 09:50 PM
i personally hated smoking cigs but i vape everyday. It actually became quite a hobby for me. haven't noticed any negative sides