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View Full Version : Can I get your guys' opinion on a poem I wrote?


Omniscient
March 14th, 2015, 08:37 PM
I wrote a poem about my hometown a little bit ago and I'd like to see what you guys think about it.


Here in this average place

Stands Brea

Remembering the good times,

The old times,

The memories.



We all remember

The wars and tragedies,

But we also remember

The peace and joy.



So as we stand here,

Remember that when

There is darkness,

There will be a light

Eventually.


You can see it plus some more details here: http://www.morbidentree.com/2015/03/06/a-poem-about-brea/

Please keep in mind that this is one of the first poems that I've put a decent amount of effort into.

SethfromMI
March 14th, 2015, 09:14 PM
very nice :)

DylanDanger
March 14th, 2015, 09:45 PM
I like it! The only thing I would say is that you said it is about your hometown, but poem is generic meaning could be about anywhere, I would try to personalize it a bit more to show home towns character.

Abhorrence
March 15th, 2015, 01:09 PM
I like it and I'm not overly a poetry person.

Omniscient
March 15th, 2015, 09:37 PM
Thanks everyone :) I'm gonna try and write some more in the future.

IconoclasticHeretic
March 16th, 2015, 02:53 PM
It's great if you're just now getting into it. I would love to see it expanded more as has been mentioned before. Small towns have character (not always good character) and if you could personify it more, it could be even more powerful. At the moment, it's a little general cliche.

JamesSuperBoy
March 16th, 2015, 06:14 PM
I like it and the only way to write is to practice and keep writing and trying. I agree with Dylan Danger try to personalize it or some idea of the actual town would be good.
You can try different versions as well but its good to write and share here - look forward to more.

Saint of Sinners
March 17th, 2015, 04:36 AM
I think it's pretty good.

I for one have a differing opinion. The vagueness of the poem enables the reader to relate to it better than if it's over personalised. Poems are meant for others to read, and it should be able to be appreciated by anybody regardless of the source material. The general idea, feelings and meaning of the poem is more important than the nitty gritty details imo :P