View Full Version : My first attempt at a poem: "Vicarious Cognition?"

February 7th, 2015, 10:43 PM
Hi guys, I've been getting into poetry lately and I've been writing a couple for exercise. This is my first one called "Vicarious Cognition?" (the question mark is on purpose.)

As above, So below
The notion tensely fits
As at 12'o'clock, all is unknown
As The Self chokes on mental writ

The blessed ones, in there circle, sway perplexedly
Foolishly, and so inwardly The Self scoffs
As how can they frolic so intensely,
Without beat nor tone to not keep them off?

This, potential pair, The Self yearns for dearly
As it scours the confines of all its universe
It, in brooding ache and mental daze fiercely
When The Self, in subliminal ignorance, blocks itself of the Multiverse

On the Universal Savannah, The Self roars and stands proud like a lion
Especially when the malnourished strive for glut
But, as a bestial and humbled troglodyte, The Self is quiet
Striving to break daylight, and yet is remained shut,

What do you guys think? Any improvements need to be done with it? Maybe your opinion of the messages of my piece?