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lunacorn
January 3rd, 2015, 07:36 AM
This has been on my mind for so long now, I feel like I just need some sort of answer. My boyfriend at the time (2 years ago) always pushed me to have sex and would get mad if I didn't want to. We had had sex before but I went through a time where I just didn't want to as much. Then one day in his basement he kept trying to get me to sleep with him and I kept saying no. (warning: I'm not sure if this may be graphic to some I tried to leave out details) Then he grabbed me and put me on the ground and started to take my clothes off and he had sex with me. I was crying during it and he didn't notice until after, then he got mad I was crying. He looked down and said I was bleeding because he forced himself so hard. The thing is, I don't really know if this is rape because I told him no a number of times but let him do it anyway. He doesn't even know that I feel this way, he seems to think I just wasn't in the mood but he got me into it which isn't true at all, I just lied there. I'm just not sure if others consider that rape and I'm too scared to say it is in case it isn't "techincally correct". I know it was statuory rape because I was underage at the time and he was older, but... it's hard to explain I just want to know others' perspective on this.

zack.zack
January 3rd, 2015, 07:46 AM
NO means NO period!! If you told him you didnt want to do it and he continued to FORCE himself on you while the whole time you were telling him NO constitutes rape!! No matter how you look at it or try to justify it, what you just described was a rape and you need to call him on it and let him know how you feel about it. I would also consider dumping his sorry ass because it seems he has no respect for you in any way shape or form. You are better than that and deserve much better for yourself. But like I said, dont let him get away with it. Act NOW!!

lunacorn
January 3rd, 2015, 07:50 AM
It happened 2 years ago, we broke up a year and a half ago. It feels too late to contact him over it.

lilg
January 3rd, 2015, 08:14 AM
This has been on my mind for so long now, I feel like I just need some sort of answer. My boyfriend at the time (2 years ago) always pushed me to have sex and would get mad if I didn't want to. We had had sex before but I went through a time where I just didn't want to as much. Then one day in his basement he kept trying to get me to sleep with him and I kept saying no. (warning: I'm not sure if this may be graphic to some I tried to leave out details) Then he grabbed me and put me on the ground and started to take my clothes off and he had sex with me. I was crying during it and he didn't notice until after, then he got mad I was crying. He looked down and said I was bleeding because he forced himself so hard. The thing is, I don't really know if this is rape because I told him no a number of times but let him do it anyway. He doesn't even know that I feel this way, he seems to think I just wasn't in the mood but he got me into it which isn't true at all, I just lied there. I'm just not sure if others consider that rape and I'm too scared to say it is in case it isn't "techincally correct". I know it was statuory rape because I was underage at the time and he was older, but... it's hard to explain I just want to know others' perspective on this.

You were definately raped :( No matter what even if you're with someone if you tell them no and they force you, that's rape.

Does it still hurt thinking about it or do you feel you're over it now? I'd talk to someone about it. If you don't want to say who it was at least talk about that it happened to you.

Starsong
January 3rd, 2015, 09:07 AM
If you said no at any time and he went forward with it (which he did) then it is rape.
If you wanted to go as far as a police report I'm pretty sure there is a 10 year maximum waiting time between when it happened, but that's up to you.

If you want closure then you should talk to him about it, to be honest I think it would be disgusting if he tried to deny talking to you about it because it was too long, or for any reason really. What he did was so wrong and if you want to talk or get an apology or whatever, then it's really the least he can do.

Abhorrence
January 3rd, 2015, 11:03 AM
If the sex isn't consensual on both sides then it is classed as rape.

SethfromMI
January 3rd, 2015, 11:25 AM
it was rape :( . sadly it may have been too long to report him, but it doesn't hurt to look into it. who knows, you may save someone else from being his victim

Thunderstorm
January 3rd, 2015, 12:06 PM
It was definitely rape because you said no, and there is plenty of background to support that. However, I don't know if there is any benefit in reporting it at this point, or if the police will even acknowledge it (as sad as that sounds). It's worth a try if it bothers you that much, but maybe you should seek help with a therapist first before going to the police. Yes, you will have to tell your parents, but you will feel much better that you did.

cami
January 3rd, 2015, 12:17 PM
Sounds like rape to me. I'm sorry you had to go through it :(

Babs
January 3rd, 2015, 12:47 PM
Lots of people who speak of their sexual abuse say, "well, I don't think it counted as ACTUAL rape..." but there's a very easy way to determine this.
Was there sex? Yes? And did you consent to the sex? No? Then it's rape.

Arsenalfan123
January 3rd, 2015, 09:26 PM
Yeah that was defiantly rape. No means no.

Meh Guy
January 3rd, 2015, 09:59 PM
The thing is, I don't really know if this is rape because I told him no a number of times but let him do it anyways.

This is almost the textbook definition of rape. You didn't let him, he forced you. You told him no, and he should've respected that. I'm assuming this happened awhile back since you say the boyfriend at the time, so you can't really do much about it, but yes, you were in fact raped. Very sorry :(

lunacorn
January 4th, 2015, 03:47 AM
Thanks everyone for your posts. I think I just needed to have other people say it to me to fully accept it. I feel that it really is too late to do anything about it (like legal action or talking to him again) but I think I might go talk to a professional just to talk through the situation and cope with it. Once again thanks so much for all of your input.

Cloud_Strife
January 4th, 2015, 10:33 AM
Hi Lunacorn, so sorry to hear about that. On top of the situation surrounding your age(s) at the time, it all happened without consent and so unfortunately, it does sound like a case of rape.

Thanks everyone for your posts. I think I just needed to have other people say it to me to fully accept it. I feel that it really is too late to do anything about it (like legal action or talking to him again) but I think I might go talk to a professional just to talk through the situation and cope with it. Once again thanks so much for all of your input.

It is never too late to seek help or to speak out against it. I have a suspicion that most people here would ask for you to speak up about it - when we do nothing about things like this, that is when we see a problem persist. It is okay if you are unsure about what to do in this regard, but I do think it would be good to speak to someone about it. If you are unsure, when you speak to the professional (be it your doctor, psychologist, counsellor, etc.) perhaps you can ask for their advice about this also at that time.

Hope that helps and once again, sorry to hear about what has happened.

riverboy
January 4th, 2015, 11:05 AM
Like everyone said. It was rape and when you said no it was against your wishes. Now if you report it, it be your word against his word.

fairmaiden
January 4th, 2015, 04:01 PM
This sounds like it was rape :( I get annoyed with the law sometimes because tbh the legal time gap (like in which you can report a rape) should be thrown out the window because abuse is abuse and it shouldn't matter when it happened, as long as it's reported. you should tell someone though. It's not your fault, he's the one who's at fault and he's a horrible person.

gads
January 6th, 2015, 06:09 PM
Yes, you were definitely raped. :(

kirbmanboggle
January 8th, 2015, 12:18 AM
thats horrible 'o' it was rape if you said no and forced you in the future i recomend a baseball bat

PinkFloyd
January 8th, 2015, 12:25 AM
Sadly, this was rape. You told him no and he did it anyways. I'm sorry you had to go through something as terrible as that.

intrigued
January 11th, 2015, 08:47 AM
Honey, if you said no then you said no - which means it is rape. Sex must be consensual between both partners, not just one. I know it was a long time ago but if it's still bothering you now, you should do something about it.

Perfectly Flawed
January 27th, 2015, 11:16 PM
That was legally and morally rape. There is no doubt about that.

Excalibur
January 28th, 2015, 12:39 PM
Rape (according to the Oxford Dictionary) means: The crime, typically committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with the offender against their will.

From your description of it, it definitely sounds like rape. You told him no several times, yet he kept going.

Rape is a crime, and it needs to be stopped. It depends on how long ago this happened, but you can still probably call the police and give them some information about him and the crime, and they should be able to help.

Also, if it feels like it scarred you, you can try calling a Rape Hotline or see a Therapist about it. I hope you feel better soon.

AtomicBanana
January 29th, 2015, 11:28 PM
From a legal standpoint, that was rape. You said no, you were underage, but it happened to you anyway. You could not have stopped it, and you didn't just let him do it. He overpowered you. I would report him to the authorities. I feel so bad for you, good luck.

Deleted User
January 30th, 2015, 04:34 PM
It was definitely rape because you said no, and there is plenty of background to support that. However, I don't know if there is any benefit in reporting it at this point, or if the police will even acknowledge it (as sad as that sounds). It's worth a try if it bothers you that much, but maybe you should seek help with a therapist first before going to the police. Yes, you will have to tell your parents, but you will feel much better that you did.

I'm sorry to say that if this happened awhile ago, this reply is pretty much the best advice you can go with right now. A lot of officers and courts will simply dismiss the case because there would be no remaining evidence and it would just be a "he said, she said" battle.

I'm so sorry this happened but if you need to talk to someone, you should probably seek out a professional, if just to give you some closure.

If you are ever in a position like this again, remember that no always means no. Consent is important. And if you feel your consent is being violated in any way, you can fight back in self-defence. Consent can also be withdrawn so if you ever feel like you're being pressured and say yes but then decide you've changed your mind, that is still well within your right. I hope you're okay.

Kate
January 31st, 2015, 06:02 PM
If you say "no" then it's rape

Edit: You don't necessarily have to say no for rape to be rape. It's considered rape if the act isn't consensual.

amybah
February 4th, 2015, 09:59 AM
If you said no, it was rape. What's more you start to cry. The attitude he had was extremely wrong and I am sorry that this has happened to you. I hope everything goes well with you , kiss

Feel free to contact me if you want

Isabella_
February 12th, 2015, 04:35 AM
Totally rape, you should tell a councellor and the police

Akatosh
February 12th, 2015, 03:04 PM
Rape is sex without consent. You did not consent, ergo it was rape.

You should talk to a school counselor or another trusted adult (parents if you have the kind of relationship with them in which that sort of subject would be comfortable for you to breach.) Whether you report him or not is up to you.

I went through something similar, and trust me when I say that society has really shitty support systems for victims of sexual assault. If you do decide to report, it will be a frustrating and difficult process. That does not mean that you shouldn't report, but it does mean that you should be mentally prepared for the process of questioning if you do.

ally-mai
March 31st, 2015, 03:02 PM
How old were you both?

jordanhardy
March 31st, 2015, 03:13 PM
As everyone has already said, it was rape. Even though it occurred a number of years ago, there is nothing stopping you from reporting him to the police. There have been numerous convictions for historical rapes, although they are hard to prove with forensic evidence which will have been lost over time. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with what he did to you.

Jordan W.K. White
March 31st, 2015, 05:53 PM
As others have said, again and again, it is rape. But there is a pressing issue, and that is the time and evidence. From your testimony, due to the time, it's possible that he would not be prosecuted. However it does mean that if he commits the offence again or has in the past it means he can be charged straight away, but that is again only if the other victim (if there is one) comes forward.

My sister was beaten and raped by her boyfriend, his punishment was 11 months in prison, which is very minimal. Half way during that time we found out he actually raped an underage girl in the place he was put on tag, he is now serving a 12 year prison strech with no chance of early release. The difference between them two cases is that the victim went to the Police when it happened.

So again, do report it, but don't get your hopes up on a serious charge.

Uniquemind
April 5th, 2015, 11:08 PM
Yeah it is a black and white case of rape, it's not even in that grey area which is politically incorrect even to mention the grey area.

You should immediately report it and at the very least break up with him.

Get a doctor to check you out as well for health reasons.

Also general advice to anybody who needs to report being raped and or support a friend who is reporting it...be prepared some police dept. are respectful but others are really bad so you need to brace yourself.

----

2nd EDIT:

Oh snap! I just re-read the original post.

You need to see a doctor and a gynecologist ASAP because not only could be physical damage, but you could be pregnant as well!

And it could be a dangerous pregnancy, because your body may not be ready yet.

Uniquemind
April 6th, 2015, 12:32 PM
As others have said, again and again, it is rape. But there is a pressing issue, and that is the time and evidence. From your testimony, due to the time, it's possible that he would not be prosecuted. However it does mean that if he commits the offence again or has in the past it means he can be charged straight away, but that is again only if the other victim (if there is one) comes forward.

My sister was beaten and raped by her boyfriend, his punishment was 11 months in prison, which is very minimal. Half way during that time we found out he actually raped an underage girl in the place he was put on tag, he is now serving a 12 year prison strech with no chance of early release. The difference between them two cases is that the victim went to the Police when it happened.

So again, do report it, but don't get your hopes up on a serious charge.



Only 12 years? Is it possibly less if he "behaves well in prison" ?

Jordan W.K. White
April 7th, 2015, 07:00 PM
Only 12 years? Is it possibly less if he "behaves well in prison" ?

Nope, there's no chance of early release, he'll also be on the Sex Offenders registry for the rest of his life.

Uniquemind
April 21st, 2015, 08:54 PM
Nope, there's no chance of early release, he'll also be on the Sex Offenders registry for the rest of his life.

That's hardly a punishment.

He should be sent to hard labor or executed.

Ridonks_CB
April 21st, 2015, 09:01 PM
That is rape dear :(
You definitely should report him

Hey_123
June 10th, 2015, 03:17 PM
He raped you. Period. Call the sexual abuse hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) and the police. Get help now.

Amber Alert
June 17th, 2015, 09:56 PM
Yes you were definitely raped by this guy. You said NO several times and he continued to force himself on you until he was having sex. Whenever you say NO it means you don't want to do it and the guy should stop immediately.

Dyri_14
June 18th, 2015, 04:47 AM
Tell yours parents and the police.

handle with care
June 18th, 2015, 05:30 AM
I'm sorry but you were raped