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Hudor
December 9th, 2014, 08:12 AM
I've been in a dilemma for a while regarding the first chapter of novel and i thought it would be best to turn to VTers for some help. The issue is that I've thought of two alternative beginnings to the story and i cannot decide which seems better. Can you help me choose? It would be great to have some help.

Here's the first.
It was past midnight, the time when utter darkness cloaked the entire world, draping over the huts, the glades, the animals and even the stars above. There was a silence except for the chattering of the crickets and the wind rustling against the leaves, the only sounds that distinguished Earth, the thriving world from the Cideron. Then they stopped.

From the vast nothingness a soft voice issued, "Savien is it time." Though it was barely a whisper, in the absolute stillness it sounded loud as a horn. Several long moments passed, emphasized by the absence of the whistling wind and the ever-changing moon. Then a deep, grave voice boomed into the quiet saying, "Yes i believe it is."


Here's the second
Far away, across a thousand different worlds and worldly interfaces, it was past midnight in Northern Oceania. It was the time when utter darkness cloaked the savage water, the islands of ice and even the stars above. The place was harsh, lifeless and almost impervious to the ravages of time-not unlike Cideron.
Frosty winds howled as they sped across the vast glaciers and the forest of icicles that broke through the silvery sand like jagged thorns. Waves constantly pounded against the ice and rocks and occasionally with a deafening rumble, ice cleaved off the huge glaciers and floated away to form newer islands. Though lifeless, nothing here was ever static. The relentless sea, the travelling ice and the ever-changing moon defied the place the stillness and silence that had plagued Cideron; imprisoning it in its past and dooming it to have no future.
All of a sudden, all activities paused. Huge pillars of water loomed menacingly above the rocks, their foamy crests paused in the action of tipping over. In the absence of the howling winds, an abrupt silence fell over the world as the world seemed to have frozen in time.
Dispelling the darkness two shimmering figures exploded into being, bathing the frozen world in pale silvery light. They resembled humans in their physical details except for the fact that they were shaped from pure light and had each a pair of wings sprouting from their backs that they unfurled at that moment and rose in streaks of white, landing on a flat surface high on the sheer face of a cliff that rose from the ocean, far from any other landmasses.
“Savien is it time?”
The creature that was Savien gazed at the world spreading below lost in deep contemplation. Several long moments passed before he turned to face the other, his face uncharacteristically harsh, and answered in a grave voice, “Yes, I believe it is.”

Miserabilia
December 11th, 2014, 11:42 AM
I'd definetly say the first, even though they're both really nice to read.
The second one is a little close to a fairytale beginning of "far far away", which is okay if it's a fairytale but pesronaly,
I prefer stories like the first that start with a description of time rather than location because it gives more options for suspense.

Hudor
December 11th, 2014, 12:07 PM
I'd definetly say the first, even though they're both really nice to read.
The second one is a little close to a fairytale beginning of "far far away", which is okay if it's a fairytale but pesronaly,
I prefer stories like the first that start with a description of time rather than location because it gives more options for suspense.

I see your point. I personally prefer the first one too particularly because this setting isn't going to feature again in the novel at all.
Thanks for taking out the time to read. I really appreciate it C:

RJx_Writer
December 14th, 2014, 08:17 PM
The second is stronger in detail, but the first is better at catching the reader and its a bit more mysterious. So I'd say the first one is better

Hudor
December 18th, 2014, 05:03 AM
The second is stronger in detail, but the first is better at catching the reader and its a bit more mysterious. So I'd say the first one is better

I appreciate the reply. Thanks for your opinion :)

maniamsmart
December 18th, 2014, 05:19 AM
I would say the first one, it really made me want to read the rest of your story, and that's the important part in story writing.

Hudor
December 18th, 2014, 05:31 AM
I would say the first one, it really made me want to read the rest of your story, and that's the important part in story writing.

Thanks! I think I'll keep the first one.

maniamsmart
December 18th, 2014, 05:33 AM
Thanks! I think I'll keep the first one.

Awesome, and no problem! :)