PDA

View Full Version : Would you read this... its teen fiction ehh.


mjoy
December 5th, 2014, 09:44 PM
Okay I started a story but I feel its really cliche so I decided to ask for advice. Its based off a teenage girl working to get her humane part back since she a Zombie but here the intro it will help a lot if you gave me some good critisism, thanks.




_________________________________________

"I promise mister whatever your problem is I will give you my money"

Ha. that's all I have to say to that. That old man never really wanted money, no he wanted my shoulder; well a chunk of it. But he isn't the only cannibal freak wondering around nope its the whole freaking world and I'm part of that weirdness.
~*~*~*~*

Living in a society that lives off of flesh Chole wants to be better. Her drive to be human again is the only thing that keeps her from becoming a full zombie but shes slowly losing hope until Zach comes along.
He's a weird nerd who is 'a pro dead specialist' because of his gaming skills and zombie knowledge. Will he and Chole be able to be human again or will they lose all humanity?

_______________________________________________________

So what do you think let me know

Hudor
December 6th, 2014, 08:29 AM
The concept sounds good but please keep the romance on the backfoot. Develop the novel and if it comes up eventually that's fine but don't base your novel on romance. We have lots in that department. Plus you could be more descriptive while giving an intro or during your story either. What you presented seemed disjointed and vague. Take care to join the threads so that the story proceeds seemlessly and the reader doesn't feel the bumps and breaks while reading(if you get what I'm trying to say).
Good luck.

Saint of Sinners
December 6th, 2014, 12:28 PM
The concept sounds good but please keep the romance on the backfoot. Develop the novel and if it comes up eventually that's fine but don't base your novel on romance. We have lots in that department. Plus you could be more descriptive while giving an intro or during your story either. What you presented seemed disjointed and vague. Take care to join the threads so that the story proceeds seemlessly and the reader doesn't feel the bumps and breaks while reading(if you get what I'm trying to say).
Good luck.

I'm sure the story only feels vague because it isn't fleshed out yet. And what's wrong with romance? There's already loads of everything honestly, the story should develop according to the author's imagination and shouldn't be constrained by genre or anything. The only case I can see that one would need to watch the genre is if one is writing a potboiler. Which this probably isn't.

Hudor
December 6th, 2014, 01:14 PM
I'm sure the story only feels vague because it isn't fleshed out yet.

It may be so. But my opinion was based upon the intro that was given. What i meant was the content presented seemed disjointed.

And what's wrong with romance? There's already loads of everything honestly, the story should develop according to the author's imagination and shouldn't be constrained by genre or anything. The only case I can see that one would need to watch the genre is if one is writing a potboiler. Which this probably isn't.

Nothing's wrong with a romance except for the tiny fact that it's a bit cliché. I'm not averse to the idea of a romantic zombie novel and the author may not even be planning on one, for that matter. But its just my opinion that i would rather read a novel of which love is only a part rather than one which has been made around the romance itself. Again this is a general comment and not directed at the author.

Saint of Sinners
December 6th, 2014, 01:23 PM
It may be so. But my opinion was based upon the intro that was given. What i meant was the content presented seemed disjointed.



Nothing's wrong with a romance except for the tiny fact that it's a bit cliché. I'm not averse to the idea of a romantic zombie novel and the author may not even be planning on one, for that matter. But its just my opinion that i would rather read a novel of which love is only a part rather than one which has been made around the romance itself. Again this is a general comment and not directed at the author.

Ah ok:)

RJx_Writer
December 14th, 2014, 07:42 PM
Sounds like Warm Bodies.