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View Full Version : Abuse, depression, and self harm..


Grim
November 30th, 2014, 10:59 PM
my current gf is emotionally abusive, gets pissed at me for no apparent reason, the slightest thing that might irritate her and she yells and screams at me not to do it. she always brings up past arguments about whether i should do drugs or not, why did i do badly in school freshman year, and ends up beating on me emotionally screaming why? at me. she wasnt this way when we first got together 2 years ago. now she is. but i love her, and i feel as if i owe my life to her because she was there for me when i was about ready to kill myself. i met her at homecoming and we talked and we immediatley connected. she gave me a reason to live again. my previous gf dumped me by abandoning me, just completely stopped talking to me, said i was too clingy. i felt worthless and like a broken toy. i thought about giving her a suicide note i typed up before i did something to end it all. then i finally had my new gf she truly cares. if id never met her., i wouldve died about a year ago. i tried commiting suicide only once gave myself a bad concussion. anyways because of her saving my life i feel i owe her everything. she gave me a reason to move on. but then the abuse started coming. ive been traumatized to the point where ill promise her anything just to make her happy. (i owe her my life.) arguing about how ill get nowhere in life because of my grades freshman year has happened repeatedly, she threatens to leave and etc a lot all the time. we went to the carnival for my bday and she kept saying how she doesnt like who ive been becoming recently. so i felt like she was starting to fall out of love with me. (btw she says if she never wouldve met me she wouldve killed herself as well..) i began going on omegle seeing if i could find someone to taalk to because i felt lonely. i met a girl with whom i fell in love subconciously and i told her about it. and she told me my gf was abusive and i was never able to talk about that with everyone it scared me. im afraid to be alone because of my ex. i feel like the ones i care about and love would abandon me at any moment. so i have PTSD i was drunk one night with my ex and called myself a fuckup. a trigger for me now is if somebody says im a fuckup ill have flashbacks and get depressed and maybe cry. (sorry i feel kinda rambly.. never told anyone most of this really.) anyways me and this girl slowly but surely both knew we loved eachother but i was with my gf and she was with her bf and id never try to break someone up its too fucked up. anyways he ended up dissqapearing on her for almost a month so this girl had me to talkl to all that time. she also suffers from a lot of problems like me. so she ended up dumping him after we finally said to eachother we love eachother so i tried breaking up with my gf and i couldnt for reasons i said earlier. i still love her. but i love another girl too. i cant have both. so i said to her because i sent a message on facebook to her breaking up. (i couldnt do it in person) she showed up at my house and said to me that i had to say we were breaking up. i couldnt and i said it was a suicide note (which is true, i thoguht about trying to commit suicide at the time. but we stayed together. i told the other i broke up with her. i couldnt say i didnt. i would feel even more worthless. so here i am stuck between two loves and not knowing what to do. i should break up with my emotionally abusive gf who doesnt accept who i truly am and hhas basically made me change half my life. but i cant leave her. and i have the girl i met who i could be with lives in the same state and accepts me for who i am. shes my perfect soulmate we're both almost exactly the same, never could rly argue. but as i said im stuck. i also started cutting recently over the stress of her sobbing about she doesnt want me to drink. says shes worthless because im gonna drink when im older. so i fell apart and promised went into my bathroom and cut for the first time. since then ive continued cutting more and more to relieve the stress from her abuse and my stress over this situation. what do i do? i feel like im going crazy. am i? i feel worthless. i never want anyone upset. im sorry if ive been repetitive or rambly and sorry for any grammatical and spelling errors. i wrote all this quickly. thanks to anyone who tries to help, and im sorry if i ruined your day.. (reposting this here i feel like it should probably be here rather than depression but idk..)

Jaseblader
December 3rd, 2014, 12:13 AM
my current gf is emotionally abusive, gets pissed at me for no apparent reason, the slightest thing that might irritate her and she yells and screams at me not to do it. she always brings up past arguments about whether i should do drugs or not, why did i do badly in school freshman year, and ends up beating on me emotionally screaming why? at me. she wasnt this way when we first got together 2 years ago. now she is. but i love her, and i feel as if i owe my life to her because she was there for me when i was about ready to kill myself. i met her at homecoming and we talked and we immediatley connected. she gave me a reason to live again. my previous gf dumped me by abandoning me, just completely stopped talking to me, said i was too clingy. i felt worthless and like a broken toy. i thought about giving her a suicide note i typed up before i did something to end it all. then i finally had my new gf she truly cares. if id never met her., i wouldve died about a year ago. i tried commiting suicide only once gave myself a bad concussion. anyways because of her saving my life i feel i owe her everything. she gave me a reason to move on. but then the abuse started coming. ive been traumatized to the point where ill promise her anything just to make her happy. (i owe her my life.) arguing about how ill get nowhere in life because of my grades freshman year has happened repeatedly, she threatens to leave and etc a lot all the time. we went to the carnival for my bday and she kept saying how she doesnt like who ive been becoming recently. so i felt like she was starting to fall out of love with me. (btw she says if she never wouldve met me she wouldve killed herself as well..) i began going on omegle seeing if i could find someone to taalk to because i felt lonely. i met a girl with whom i fell in love subconciously and i told her about it. and she told me my gf was abusive and i was never able to talk about that with everyone it scared me. im afraid to be alone because of my ex. i feel like the ones i care about and love would abandon me at any moment. so i have PTSD i was drunk one night with my ex and called myself a fuckup. a trigger for me now is if somebody says im a fuckup ill have flashbacks and get depressed and maybe cry. (sorry i feel kinda rambly.. never told anyone most of this really.) anyways me and this girl slowly but surely both knew we loved eachother but i was with my gf and she was with her bf and id never try to break someone up its too fucked up. anyways he ended up dissqapearing on her for almost a month so this girl had me to talkl to all that time. she also suffers from a lot of problems like me. so she ended up dumping him after we finally said to eachother we love eachother so i tried breaking up with my gf and i couldnt for reasons i said earlier. i still love her. but i love another girl too. i cant have both. so i said to her because i sent a message on facebook to her breaking up. (i couldnt do it in person) she showed up at my house and said to me that i had to say we were breaking up. i couldnt and i said it was a suicide note (which is true, i thoguht about trying to commit suicide at the time. but we stayed together. i told the other i broke up with her. i couldnt say i didnt. i would feel even more worthless. so here i am stuck between two loves and not knowing what to do. i should break up with my emotionally abusive gf who doesnt accept who i truly am and hhas basically made me change half my life. but i cant leave her. and i have the girl i met who i could be with lives in the same state and accepts me for who i am. shes my perfect soulmate we're both almost exactly the same, never could rly argue. but as i said im stuck. i also started cutting recently over the stress of her sobbing about she doesnt want me to drink. says shes worthless because im gonna drink when im older. so i fell apart and promised went into my bathroom and cut for the first time. since then ive continued cutting more and more to relieve the stress from her abuse and my stress over this situation. what do i do? i feel like im going crazy. am i? i feel worthless. i never want anyone upset. im sorry if ive been repetitive or rambly and sorry for any grammatical and spelling errors. i wrote all this quickly. thanks to anyone who tries to help, and im sorry if i ruined your day.. (reposting this here i feel like it should probably be here rather than depression but idk..)

I say break up with her I have my reasons

amgb
December 8th, 2014, 03:34 PM
Hey Brandon, I'm sorry to hear about your situation...it sounds really hard to deal with. It seems like you're really torn between these two girls, I know it's hard to choose, and I'm going to advise you to do something that you probably won't like to hear, but I just hope that it can help you; I think you need to be honest with your emotionally abusive girlfriend and tell her that she is hurting you a lot. (If you've already done so, then I think you need to continue telling her and be very firm) Tell her that you love her and that it's really destroying you whenever she hurts you, before you approach her clear your mind, take deep breaths. Tell her you need to have a talk to her privately, tell her how you truly feel. Let her know that you still love her but you don't want her to hurt you anymore, I know its easier said than done, but you can do it. And I f she truly cares she will realise and she will stop, if she doesn't stop then I think you should tell her straight out that this relationship isn't working. A healthy relationship consists of respecting each other's needs, and your needs aren't being met or respected. I don't want you to be hurt, nobody wants you to be hurt. I know it would hurt you so much if you broke up with your emotionally abusive girlfriend, but what I see is that she's letting you down and I know you hate that and you're just going to end up more hurt. Maybe talk to a close family member or friend about your situation, and hopefully they can support you, I'm sorry I can't support you anymore than I'm trying to, but I hope things work out for you~~

amybah
February 1st, 2015, 07:11 AM
Im sorry for your situation, i can see that you are crossing a really dark phase.
I think you should talk with your abusive girlfriend and tell her what you feel. She is acting badly with you and thats not a good actitude, specially from a girlfriend.

Im a self harmer too and i understand what you say. Cut ourselves in an horrible way to trought the pain away but it actually works.


Have you ever tried to go looking for medical help? I think that if you talk with somebody (without being ur girl) will be helpfull for you!
Good luck and stay strong :)