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Dalcourt
November 1st, 2014, 10:36 PM
I'm in the process of starting a relationship with a guy from school. I'm not sure how it will go but I'm wondering if I should tell him that I was sexually abused when I was younger.

Usually I feel too embarrassed to talk about and I don't want people to know it is embarrassing and awkward enough that everyone knows that I'm being physically abused by my Dad but well I dunno...

I mean I don't really have problems but sometimes when I'm intimate with someone I get flashbacks. I used to have boyfriends who didn't realize that at all but others realizedthat I started tensing up or hyperventilating or whatever and asked what was wrong. Most of the time I came up with some excuse cuz I didn't want to talk about having been abused.

It's just ... I always feel like a liar then but admitting those things I'm kinda ashamed.

What would you do? How to go about it? How would you feel/react if your bf/gf told you something like that?

CosmicNoodle
November 1st, 2014, 11:31 PM
I think you should be honest, that's a big part of a relationship, being honest, and to be honest being intimate is kinda a big thing too. If you have problems you may need to explain why, and it's best to be honest, if he's someone worth being with he'll understand and adapt to the situation.

ksdnfkfr
November 1st, 2014, 11:59 PM
I agree with Joe. But no need to go into details. If someone told me that and said they didn't want to talk about, I'd understand completely. And the way I see it, you didn't do anything wrong that have to admit to, you were victimized.

James Dean
November 2nd, 2014, 04:21 AM
If you just met him, if it were me I wouldn't. I would wait until he's someone who I'm comfortable revealing that type of information with. If you do stay together for quite some time, I would open up to him about it. Regardless, if you are in a relationship and have feelings for him, you should be honest with him with any qualms you have. I do wish you the best of luck though. :)

CrazyPerson101
November 3rd, 2014, 03:00 PM
I'm in the process of starting a relationship with a guy from school. I'm not sure how it will go but I'm wondering if I should tell him that I was sexually abused when I was younger.

Usually I feel too embarrassed to talk about and I don't want people to know it is embarrassing and awkward enough that everyone knows that I'm being physically abused by my Dad but well I dunno...

I mean I don't really have problems but sometimes when I'm intimate with someone I get flashbacks. I used to have boyfriends who didn't realize that at all but others realizedthat I started tensing up or hyperventilating or whatever and asked what was wrong. Most of the time I came up with some excuse cuz I didn't want to talk about having been abused.

It's just ... I always feel like a liar then but admitting those things I'm kinda ashamed.

What would you do? How to go about it? How would you feel/react if your bf/gf told you something like that?



Okay... In all relationships, you should be honest, it builds trust in said relationship and in each other. That being said, you should tell him but work it into a conversation. You need to sit down with him and tell him what happened, that way he knows and maybe he'll want to talk to you about it but you have to open up. I just recently told my mom I was sexually abused not to long ago at afriends birthday party infront of everyone .... ( embarrassing but I'm glad I did ). She knows what it feels like ( I was concieved outta that :/ ) so she and I can talk if we need to. He could help you get past that, I have gotten past alot of things, I still do have falshbacks but they don't seem as intense as they where.

(if you need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me)

Paladino
November 4th, 2014, 09:56 AM
I think it would be a good idea if you told him, so he can support you. There is no reason to feel ashamed of it because it is not your fault, I have never been in those circumstances so I don't know exactly how the person feels. Honesty is the best policy. If I had a girlfriend and she told me she had been abused when she was younger, I would empathize with her, ask her if she wanted to talk about it if it would make her feel better.

Dalcourt
November 8th, 2014, 12:03 AM
If you just met him, if it were me I wouldn't. I would wait until he's someone who I'm comfortable revealing that type of information with. If you do stay together for quite some time, I would open up to him about it. Regardless, if you are in a relationship and have feelings for him, you should be honest with him with any qualms you have. I do wish you the best of luck though. :)

I know him for quite a while, we have been just friends first but the he kinda told me he wanted more. I want to tell him cuz I want to be honest with him. Still, as we know each other for a while...he might want to have an explanation why I didn't tell him as a friend and waited till we get intimate.
And yeah, I'm afraid...afraid of how he'd react.

MrIncredible
November 8th, 2014, 11:34 AM
I'm in the process of starting a relationship with a guy from school. I'm not sure how it will go but I'm wondering if I should tell him that I was sexually abused when I was younger.

Usually I feel too embarrassed to talk about and I don't want people to know it is embarrassing and awkward enough that everyone knows that I'm being physically abused by my Dad but well I dunno...

I mean I don't really have problems but sometimes when I'm intimate with someone I get flashbacks. I used to have boyfriends who didn't realize that at all but others realizedthat I started tensing up or hyperventilating or whatever and asked what was wrong. Most of the time I came up with some excuse cuz I didn't want to talk about having been abused.

It's just ... I always feel like a liar then but admitting those things I'm kinda ashamed.

What would you do? How to go about it? How would you feel/react if your bf/gf told you something like that?

I think that if you haven't already you should forgive the person who did those things to you, not for them but for you, because if you live your life resenting that person they will have controll over you and you don't want that

Dalcourt
November 8th, 2014, 01:39 PM
I think that if you haven't already you should forgive the person who did those things to you, not for them but for you, because if you live your life resenting that person they will have controll over you and you don't want that

I have forgiven the person who had sexually abused me long ago...to be honest I feel guilty for having even reported that person. Anyway...

SethfromMI
November 8th, 2014, 02:06 PM
that is up to you. if you want to then share as much or as little as you want to. if you want to wait I think that is fine too

RRay99
November 11th, 2014, 08:51 PM
If you feel ready, I would definitely share. I know my mom was molested growing up by a family friend and it affected her. She said talking about it gave it less control over her and made her feel better. Having said that, its something a lot of guys I'm sure would not know how to react to. He's probably a wonderful guy but have to remember its not about his reaction but you coming to terms with what happened. I wish you the absolute best. What happened doesn't define you.

NathansPen
December 4th, 2014, 10:42 PM
Before you tell everything to him you should know him first completely. I agree with you should be honest with him. I know he can understand you.

Captain Canada
December 4th, 2014, 11:16 PM
It would probably be best if you tell him, but don't feel rushed or forced to. Make sure your absolutely comfortable with telling him too... And if he ignores you or breaks up your friendship/starting relationship with you, it's his loss. Like Joe said, being honest is a large part of a relationship especially with such a large and impactful thing such as sexual abuse.

Dalcourt
December 5th, 2014, 10:55 PM
It would probably be best if you tell him, but don't feel rushed or forced to. Make sure your absolutely comfortable with telling him too... And if he ignores you or breaks up your friendship/starting relationship with you, it's his loss. Like Joe said, being honest is a large part of a relationship especially with such a large and impactful thing such as sexual abuse.

I have posted this more than a month ago and still didn't have to courage to talk to him about it...maybe I won't tell him at all as I feel he won't be interested anyway and our whole relationship will become awkward.

EpiccMan
December 7th, 2014, 05:12 PM
Cheers. I think you should tell him, for an open and healthy relationship, but take the time you might need. On the other hand, if you decide not to tell him, that's alright but it could become even more awkward in a future (if things go well) and you tell him or he finds out. You can never know his reaction x)

MonsterBunny
January 4th, 2015, 09:05 PM
My own brother sexually abused me, I told my boyfriend now of 6 months. He listens to me and lets me talk about if I want to, but he has never acted different around me because of it. He still loves me, more and more everyday, he looks past it. I bet your boyfriend will too.