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MycroftHolmes
October 4th, 2014, 11:24 PM
Lately, I have been having extremely violent thoughts. I often think about, in intricate detail, how I would hurt/kill those around me. Usually, my thoughts are directed towards those who are annoying me, but not always. For example, a few weeks ago in health class, a girl at another table was talking with one of her friends, laughing and joking. I felt... rage. Her voice, her appearance, everything about her was like a two-by-four hitting me in the head. I was a fraction of a second away from killing her with my bare hands. I imagined punching her, kicking her, beating her, and finally strangling her to death. I ended up having to hide in the bathroom for a while to calm down

I wouldn't be concerned if I only had these thoughts about people I don't like. But now, I've started having them about one of my friends. I'll call her "Sara"

Sara is one of the only friends I have. We're about the same age, and we have some similar interests. However, in personality, we're very different. I'm quiet, awkward, and introverted. She is friendly and at ease in social situations. I despise drinking and recreational drug use. She drinks and does drugs.

Ever since I found this out, I have lost all respect for her. Though I still like her, I know longer care if she lives or dies. My thoughts have progressed from, "Could you let her die?" to "Could you kill her?"

Each time the answer has been yes.

Now, whenever I see her, I picture myself killing her with a knife. I can see, in perfect detail, the shock and betrayal on her face as she dies.

And I don't feel anything. No guilt. No joy.

Nothing.

CosmicNoodle
October 4th, 2014, 11:39 PM
Welcome to the club, we have matching straigh jackets, I do gthe same all the time, as far as I can tell it's normal (among thoise of us who have serious mental health issues), and to be honest what you picture is fairly tame compared to some of the things people think.

I'd recommend telling a doctor about the thoughts you've been having, then you can be given the correct hep.

I used to think like that as well, even aboiut riends, I'd sit there, watching them talk, imagening what it'd be like to remove there eyes whilst they are strapped to a bored, using a rusty scalple, then slowly removing parts of there anatomy and using them for various things.

Admitedly when I used to do that me mental health was at it's worst, it's got better since then, I no longer have such thoughts, about anyone in fact, even people I hate.

James Dean
October 5th, 2014, 12:38 AM
I think you probably just have trust issues and probably pick who you open yourself up to, and maybe you don't know how to think when someone isn't who you thought they were. Like your friend started to use drugs, and this came as a shock to you so you didn't know how to react. I do suggest maybe getting to the bottom of this. You should probably understand that people, even yourself have different moods and traits about them that are not always seen and are known at certain times. Please talk to a therapist about this if you need to, and you feel this is becomes an issue. I care about you and I don't want you to feel isolated in this. Don't look at the world that way.

You should take up drawing or art. Take those feelings you have into a comic book or something. :)

Ben_Frost
October 9th, 2014, 05:04 PM
You have a problem and it's good you've noticed it early. Before going to a specialist I'd recommend sitting down and getting to the bottom of why you think this is happening. Make sure that those thoughts are just random thoughts and not something that tends to happen with a certain frequency and much more often than you would feel comfortable with.

Not everyone is going to be the way you expect them to be and perhaps you're not reacting in a good way at learning about what your friend seems to find fun. Think about it this way, does the way she spends her free time indulging in those kinds of pastimes affect you in any way? Would you feel comfortable if you knew she thought that way about you if you were in her situation? Think about how you would feel if the person you consider your friend suddenly wanted to kill you in the most gruesome way possible just because you do something she doesn't like, I'm sure it would help you too.

Channel those feelings on to something else, distract yourself from those thoughts, they're dangerous and not doing anything about them won't help you on the long run. It isn't healthy and it's a serious issue you should look help for, you should see a psychologist and seek treatment for these thoughts because it's not healthy for you and even less for anyone around you.

Pacaveli
October 14th, 2014, 06:53 PM
It is good that you recognized you're symptoms and asked for help! Most people who have severe mental issues, can actually be saved, the problem, unfortunately is that many people can't understand their issues. I'd recommend seeing you're school counselor, as that is a no-cost option.

Alleycat23
October 22nd, 2014, 06:49 PM
I know what you mean. I have those thoughts to along with a burning hate for everyone i see but that, i have been told repeatedly, is a normal reaction to the sorce of your problems and also trust issues (which it might be for some people). Even though i think differently, but we cant speak for ourselves because are minds are apparently clouded. All in all i think if you are actually bothered by the thoughts it might be compulsive thinking which is normal, but if you just want to think that way then thats fine, no harm done unless you act on them lol.