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View Full Version : I'm a bad person but so are they


Unimportant
September 14th, 2014, 01:10 PM
I really need to get this out of my system. I haven't been able to talk about this to anybody and I just need to write so maybe it'll help me feel better.

2 years ago my older brother met a girl on another forum. Her name was Rachel and she was 25 years old. They hit things off really well and then my brother introduced me to her. I was 13 back then. As soon as we started talking, we connected immediately and we spent hours talking about our life and things. She told me that she's wealthy and although she had a family, she had no friends outside of it and every time she tried to make friends, they'd abandon her. Talking to her was really great and when she told me she was gay I didn't care. I never made any friends and she was the first and best one I ever had. She reminded me of an older sister who passed away. She helped fill that hole inside of me. Me and Rachel talked and talked about all kinds of stuff and then 3 weeks into talking she started talking about sexual stuff like masturbation. Then she started telling me about tips and stuff. I pretended that I was taking her advice because I kind of felt uncomfortable at the time...but then she started talking about other sex stuff and cyber sex...I ended up doing it with her because I just wanted to continue to fitting in with her and for her to like me. She made me feel like I was really special and loved like I never felt before. I thought I was in love with her so much I did anything for her. We never webcammed or anything but she'd talk about sex things with me a lot and had "special times" when nobody was around. She even told me how I reminded her of her deceased daughter Juniper.

Then I did something really bad. I pretended that I met this girl in-person and that we got really close. Super close and that we did all these sexual things but really I made a fake person. I'm a really bad liar so Rachel saw through my fake person's lies but thought she was a real person but someone who lied a lot. I pretended all these different scenarios just so Rachel would feel loved by me. So that she felt great that I chose her over somebody else.

After a while she introduced me to some of her family, mainly one named Fiona who was just a month older than me. She was nice to talk to too...but Rachel was always the most special. Rachel told me she was going to be in a relationship with Fiona. I didn't think much about it because I always felt that sometimes age doesn't matter when love is involved. I never thought anything bad of a 25 year old being with a 13 year old. Sometimes Rachel would even email me stories of how they had sex.

Next year came and then I found Rachel got into a car crash and that she would never be able to walk or drive again. I cried and cried because my best friend was really hurt and I thought she was going to die. After a while she told me that she had to have her leg removed because the damage was really bad and couldn't be fixed but could have a prosthetic leg. She still spent ages talking to me and being online with me for ages....but sometimes she would get really mean after this point. Yelling and things. I took it because I knew it was her pain making her feel this way after her painkillers wore off. I stuck by her no matter what. I wouldn't leave her. I didn't want to be like all those other online friends she had who would abandon her. I loved her so much. My first ever friend.

A while later her sister emailed me saying Rachel had Melanoma. Skin cancer. I cried and cried because I thought she was going to die for real this time.

Then I made up this fake scenario where my brother's friend who's way older than me..like in her 30's...became my girlfriend. I don't even know why I did it. I pretended that she was really good with English and stuff, even talked to other members of Rachel's family and they actually seem to think she was legit and then I didn't want to tell Rachel it was fake because I thought I'd lose her and she was already going through some really bad stuff.

After that...something weird happened...one day Rachel told me she had leukemia. I was confused because her sister told me she had melanoma. I didn't question it because every time I'd question Rachel in the past she'd get super angry and defensive. I didn't want her to yell at me anymore.

Later on that same year in June someone new entered Rachel's family named Alex and was 14. She seemed nice and and talked a lot like Rachel. Reminded me of her in a lot of ways and she was also fun to be around. We shared some "special times" online too. I never told any of them that my "girlfriend" wasn't even real and that the real her, had no idea I was even using her as part of my online world. I pretended that I was her, talking to Alex and Alex seemed to really like her a lot so there was no way I could ever tell her that it was a fake person she was talking to. Then it was Alex's birthday and suddenly Rachel was talking about Alex being "sweet 16" which was also strange because I didn't understand how anybody could forget their own age like that. I still didn't question anything because I kept fearing being yelled at and losing Rachel.

That same year again I pretended a whole lot of other stuff too. That we were moving to a new state. A new home. All these new different people and everything. In fact none of them were real. None of them existed and I never moved home. I don't even know why I pretended all this stuff. I just wanted to fit in with her world. She was rich and could buy all these great things, met all these celebrities and seemed to have a great family life. I never had any of that so I pretended my life was just like hers just to keep fitting in...but then I realized a few things....some stuff just wasn't making sense...

Sometimes when I was using what of my fake people who had their own email address...stories that were sent to one person never matched with another person. I noticed how Rachel forgot that Fiona was 13 and then told me she was 16...then kept forgetting the ages of other members in her family so many times...I even noticed she was stealing stories from online and passing them off as her own. I never questioned but I started feeling really distant from her because I felt like the best friend I had was lying to me and had been right from the beginning.

When I would use some of my fake people to talk to Alex, every time something didn't go Alex's way I noticed like Rachel she would get defensive...but it got worse...I noticed that every time I questioned something..somehow Alex always had a new problem. First her brother died and she flew over in a helicopter to see him. Then her dad died. When I was "in character" on night I got really angry at how self absorbed Alex was that I raised some points to her when suddenly she came back replying how she started self harming and I really hurt her feelings. Every time she was questioned somehow she always had some mysterious problem.

I got really sick of it after a while and felt like my best friend that I once knew was dying..but not really dying...dying in the sense that she was losing who she really was and I was losing her. I couldn't tell what she was telling me to be truth from lies. I didn't know who or what to believe. Everything I was told by her felt fake so I pretended that I had multiple personality disorder and went crazy just so I didn't have to talk to them much.

I started questioning everything I was told and started noticing so many weird things. Somehow Rachel would email me from her sister's email address and would say how she didn't realize she was logged into the wrong one. Other times every single person in their family I spoke to...they wrote EXACTLY the same as each other. Like there was no effort to have a different writing style and the worst of all was that they managed to spell the exact same things wrong like cautious would be spelled like cauteous. I'm not talking about 1 or 2 family members but about 4 or so. Somehow all these girls who were all adopted and from different countries all managed to spell the exact same words wrong, write in the exact same way and sometimes "accidentally" not realize they emailed me from the wrong email address.

The worst thing of everything was the final day that Rachel told me she had brain cancer. I couldn't take anymore lies and just went insane in an email. I commented on every single lie she told me. Every single thing that made no sense. Every story that conflicted with another and told her I was out. After I deleted all the fake email addresses I made and even deleted my own.

I know it was wrong of me to fake so many people. You can hate me if you want. I'm a bad person but so were they. I don't even know if whoever I spoke to even was Rachel, or if that was really her name. It felt like they were all the same person, just like I was pretending to be. Only I knew I was faking people because I just wanted Rachel to love me. I just wanted to be accepted and understood. I just did all these weird sexual things just to fit in with her because I genuinely thought she loved me back. She used me. She abused me. The first ever online friend I ever had and after all that, I just feel like I can't trust anybody online ever again.

She has her own personal forum which is private and stuff. She goes on teen forums like these, finds vulnerable teenagers and invites them back saying how it's "safe" and "private". Then if you don't keep posting or making topics she kicks you out. I hate that whoever she really was, if she was even a she, is still out there. I see Alex posting on forums about how it was she who has a daughter named Juniper. I hate how much this person is lying and getting away with abusing teenagers. I hate how she now goes around telling stories about how "I" did all these bad things to her and hurt her. I know I'm a bad person for faking people but my intentions were different. I didn't make those fake people to have cyber sex with people. I made them just to fit in and feel loved.

I stopped talking to them January this year. Now I'm 15 and I still can't let go. I can't let go of how I was made to feel. I can't let go of how I was manipulated into thinking Rachel was an idol. I realize now why she said every friend online that she had abandoned her...it's because she did this to them too. She used them. She abused them and when things didn't go her way she threw them away.

I feel so used...abused. I feel like a whore. I'm a bad person for doing all of this...but so are they.

I just realized how long this was...I'm really sorry...

Broken Toy
September 14th, 2014, 01:31 PM
Those people are a bunch of DICKS!

now i got that out the way...
I don't know how you can call yourself a bad person. She basically pushed you to doing what she was doing. You were mentally abused for like forever.
I don't think anyone can blame you.

You made up.a couple fake people as to try and get someone who you thought was25 to have feelings for a 13 year old. You were naive.

She has just been a bitch from the start.

You're not a bad person and she definitely is. All i can say is i hope you have learned from you naivety and hope nothing like that happens to you again.


IM here if you want

Unimportant
September 14th, 2014, 04:55 PM
Thank you for being nice...but I really am a bad person. I never should have stooped to a stupid level like that. The things I faked...some of them were really bad. After I realized what I was being told was strange I lost a lot of enthusiasm to keep talking to all of them including Rachel. I made my fake people have fake deaths or have fake bad history. It was really stupid and dumb. I can't take any of it back even if I want to.

I guess the best thing that came out of making fake people was that it helped me realize the person and their family was all fake too. It helped me see that I was really stupid. Like you said I was naive. I really was. Rachel kept telling me she loved me. I didn't think anything bad of a 25 year old saying all kinds of things to a 13 year old at the time. I just felt good that for once I was being loved so any sense of reason and logic I had went away. It got so bad that it affected school and my grades. I kept getting sick a lot too. Just all the stress...fear..and then knowing after a long while that my best friend wasn't who she said she was and I couldn't tell anybody about it and I didn't know what to do.

I learned my lesson and I won't ever do anything as stupid as that ever again. I hope one day she knows how much she hurt me and probably a lot of other people too. I learned that lying and faking people is not a good idea and it not just affects the person you're talking to but yourself too.

Gray
September 14th, 2014, 10:32 PM
Look...they're dicks rly....and i'm happy u realized that... the same thing happened to me and how i was used by other women... but i moved on realizing that I will not let myself ruin my life just because of this experience. This is life and we're people, none of us r perfect and we make mistakes and we get hurt at times.. the best thing we can do is learn, live, heal, and accept at what happen and move on.

Dalcourt
September 15th, 2014, 12:37 PM
Oh my, this is all so really weird...Hm, I guess that's why I never fully trust people I meet online. There are so many people out there who create fake online personas. Most people think this is quite harmless, but your example shows that it isn't. It can cause a lot of emotional harm.

Jaseblader
September 16th, 2014, 04:41 PM
I really need to get this out of my system. I haven't been able to talk about this to anybody and I just need to write so maybe it'll help me feel better.

2 years ago my older brother met a girl on another forum. Her name was Rachel and she was 25 years old. They hit things off really well and then my brother introduced me to her. I was 13 back then. As soon as we started talking, we connected immediately and we spent hours talking about our life and things. She told me that she's wealthy and although she had a family, she had no friends outside of it and every time she tried to make friends, they'd abandon her. Talking to her was really great and when she told me she was gay I didn't care. I never made any friends and she was the first and best one I ever had. She reminded me of an older sister who passed away. She helped fill that hole inside of me. Me and Rachel talked and talked about all kinds of stuff and then 3 weeks into talking she started talking about sexual stuff like masturbation. Then she started telling me about tips and stuff. I pretended that I was taking her advice because I kind of felt uncomfortable at the time...but then she started talking about other sex stuff and cyber sex...I ended up doing it with her because I just wanted to continue to fitting in with her and for her to like me. She made me feel like I was really special and loved like I never felt before. I thought I was in love with her so much I did anything for her. We never webcammed or anything but she'd talk about sex things with me a lot and had "special times" when nobody was around. She even told me how I reminded her of her deceased daughter Juniper.

Then I did something really bad. I pretended that I met this girl in-person and that we got really close. Super close and that we did all these sexual things but really I made a fake person. I'm a really bad liar so Rachel saw through my fake person's lies but thought she was a real person but someone who lied a lot. I pretended all these different scenarios just so Rachel would feel loved by me. So that she felt great that I chose her over somebody else.

After a while she introduced me to some of her family, mainly one named Fiona who was just a month older than me. She was nice to talk to too...but Rachel was always the most special. Rachel told me she was going to be in a relationship with Fiona. I didn't think much about it because I always felt that sometimes age doesn't matter when love is involved. I never thought anything bad of a 25 year old being with a 13 year old. Sometimes Rachel would even email me stories of how they had sex.

Next year came and then I found Rachel got into a car crash and that she would never be able to walk or drive again. I cried and cried because my best friend was really hurt and I thought she was going to die. After a while she told me that she had to have her leg removed because the damage was really bad and couldn't be fixed but could have a prosthetic leg. She still spent ages talking to me and being online with me for ages....but sometimes she would get really mean after this point. Yelling and things. I took it because I knew it was her pain making her feel this way after her painkillers wore off. I stuck by her no matter what. I wouldn't leave her. I didn't want to be like all those other online friends she had who would abandon her. I loved her so much. My first ever friend.

A while later her sister emailed me saying Rachel had Melanoma. Skin cancer. I cried and cried because I thought she was going to die for real this time.

Then I made up this fake scenario where my brother's friend who's way older than me..like in her 30's...became my girlfriend. I don't even know why I did it. I pretended that she was really good with English and stuff, even talked to other members of Rachel's family and they actually seem to think she was legit and then I didn't want to tell Rachel it was fake because I thought I'd lose her and she was already going through some really bad stuff.

After that...something weird happened...one day Rachel told me she had leukemia. I was confused because her sister told me she had melanoma. I didn't question it because every time I'd question Rachel in the past she'd get super angry and defensive. I didn't want her to yell at me anymore.

Later on that same year in June someone new entered Rachel's family named Alex and was 14. She seemed nice and and talked a lot like Rachel. Reminded me of her in a lot of ways and she was also fun to be around. We shared some "special times" online too. I never told any of them that my "girlfriend" wasn't even real and that the real her, had no idea I was even using her as part of my online world. I pretended that I was her, talking to Alex and Alex seemed to really like her a lot so there was no way I could ever tell her that it was a fake person she was talking to. Then it was Alex's birthday and suddenly Rachel was talking about Alex being "sweet 16" which was also strange because I didn't understand how anybody could forget their own age like that. I still didn't question anything because I kept fearing being yelled at and losing Rachel.

That same year again I pretended a whole lot of other stuff too. That we were moving to a new state. A new home. All these new different people and everything. In fact none of them were real. None of them existed and I never moved home. I don't even know why I pretended all this stuff. I just wanted to fit in with her world. She was rich and could buy all these great things, met all these celebrities and seemed to have a great family life. I never had any of that so I pretended my life was just like hers just to keep fitting in...but then I realized a few things....some stuff just wasn't making sense...

Sometimes when I was using what of my fake people who had their own email address...stories that were sent to one person never matched with another person. I noticed how Rachel forgot that Fiona was 13 and then told me she was 16...then kept forgetting the ages of other members in her family so many times...I even noticed she was stealing stories from online and passing them off as her own. I never questioned but I started feeling really distant from her because I felt like the best friend I had was lying to me and had been right from the beginning.

When I would use some of my fake people to talk to Alex, every time something didn't go Alex's way I noticed like Rachel she would get defensive...but it got worse...I noticed that every time I questioned something..somehow Alex always had a new problem. First her brother died and she flew over in a helicopter to see him. Then her dad died. When I was "in character" on night I got really angry at how self absorbed Alex was that I raised some points to her when suddenly she came back replying how she started self harming and I really hurt her feelings. Every time she was questioned somehow she always had some mysterious problem.

I got really sick of it after a while and felt like my best friend that I once knew was dying..but not really dying...dying in the sense that she was losing who she really was and I was losing her. I couldn't tell what she was telling me to be truth from lies. I didn't know who or what to believe. Everything I was told by her felt fake so I pretended that I had multiple personality disorder and went crazy just so I didn't have to talk to them much.

I started questioning everything I was told and started noticing so many weird things. Somehow Rachel would email me from her sister's email address and would say how she didn't realize she was logged into the wrong one. Other times every single person in their family I spoke to...they wrote EXACTLY the same as each other. Like there was no effort to have a different writing style and the worst of all was that they managed to spell the exact same things wrong like cautious would be spelled like cauteous. I'm not talking about 1 or 2 family members but about 4 or so. Somehow all these girls who were all adopted and from different countries all managed to spell the exact same words wrong, write in the exact same way and sometimes "accidentally" not realize they emailed me from the wrong email address.

The worst thing of everything was the final day that Rachel told me she had brain cancer. I couldn't take anymore lies and just went insane in an email. I commented on every single lie she told me. Every single thing that made no sense. Every story that conflicted with another and told her I was out. After I deleted all the fake email addresses I made and even deleted my own.

I know it was wrong of me to fake so many people. You can hate me if you want. I'm a bad person but so were they. I don't even know if whoever I spoke to even was Rachel, or if that was really her name. It felt like they were all the same person, just like I was pretending to be. Only I knew I was faking people because I just wanted Rachel to love me. I just wanted to be accepted and understood. I just did all these weird sexual things just to fit in with her because I genuinely thought she loved me back. She used me. She abused me. The first ever online friend I ever had and after all that, I just feel like I can't trust anybody online ever again.

She has her own personal forum which is private and stuff. She goes on teen forums like these, finds vulnerable teenagers and invites them back saying how it's "safe" and "private". Then if you don't keep posting or making topics she kicks you out. I hate that whoever she really was, if she was even a she, is still out there. I see Alex posting on forums about how it was she who has a daughter named Juniper. I hate how much this person is lying and getting away with abusing teenagers. I hate how she now goes around telling stories about how "I" did all these bad things to her and hurt her. I know I'm a bad person for faking people but my intentions were different. I didn't make those fake people to have cyber sex with people. I made them just to fit in and feel loved.

I stopped talking to them January this year. Now I'm 15 and I still can't let go. I can't let go of how I was made to feel. I can't let go of how I was manipulated into thinking Rachel was an idol. I realize now why she said every friend online that she had abandoned her...it's because she did this to them too. She used them. She abused them and when things didn't go her way she threw them away.

I feel so used...abused. I feel like a whore. I'm a bad person for doing all of this...but so are they.

I just realized how long this was...I'm really sorry...

don't be sorry, be you. its okay what you did you were young.She is the bad person, not you. she knew exactly what she was doing

jessie3
October 5th, 2014, 09:18 AM
none of us r perfect and we make mistakes and we get hurt at times.. the best thing we can do is learn, live, heal, and accept at what happen and move on.

I think what he said is very true. As long as you keep blaming yourself, then you are just as much as a bad of a person like she is. It's hard coming to the idea that she deceived you but if you don't accept the fact that she did and you can't do nothing about it then you are a failure.

One of the most painful things you can do in this world is to blame yourself for other people's entertainment.

allisonmyers
October 7th, 2014, 10:18 PM
def crazy your not a bad person just think you got catfished