PDA

View Full Version : Empty.


DesolatePantha
July 17th, 2014, 09:45 PM
Right, I'm a psycopath and part sociopath and I feel no remorse or empathy for anyone else. I'm not racist because I generally dislike everyone equally. I'll do anything to get rid of boredom, I 'onestly couldn't car less who is hurt on the way to my happiness. I have suffered trauma all my life, I have self harmed, but not suffered from it considering I became stronger off it. I used to care about other people and things and not have such a bleak outlook on life until my dog died, since then I have been cut off from my family emotionally and now I just see the world as a living hell. There's no point worrying about the afterlife because it oughtta be better than this. Most people call me "sick minded" because i am quite brutal, and I like to watch other people suffer. There's one specific target I have and that is attention seekers, if they want attention so badly I'll give them so much attention they'll be beginning for me to leave them alone. Attention seekers 'onestly piss me off past the point, acting like retards and trying to gain all the spotlight. Does any one else share the same opinion as me? I'm so empty inside I do anything jut to feel pain, I hide the fact that I am a psycho/socio path from the people I know in reality, because this will only cause more trouble for me if they know. Apparently psychosis is a mental illness, but I find it partly enjoyable, due to boredom I will do anything to get rid of it because its worse than death. Most people who have met me call me one of the kindest people alive, but they have no idea their being played. If you're wondering why i am posting this on here, it's because I have insomnia, it is now almost 4am and I havn't slept yet, nor am I tired. I figured I maya swell get this off my chest somewhere so here will do. However I always get this empty feeling inside of me, like I can't feel any emtoion anymore, I hurt myself just to feel soemthing. I have been in countless relationships that haven't lasted longer than a week. Atm I'm in a relationship with the first erson I've actually had affection for so I suppose I'm not completely dead inside, he doesn't understand yet, but he listens and he is willing to unerstand and accept. I find it hard to keep this act up, I have to act happy and like I' living the best life ever or my family and the people around me cause me problems and start calling me moody and rage on me. I don't think I'll be able to keep up faking a smile 24/7 when I'm not actually happy, there's something wrong with me n doubt about it, it's just I don't know what to do anymore, and moreover I barely care, I'm at the point I'm ready to die. Talking to some-one won't make me feel better, it's not like I'm going to feel something from that. It hurts to know all that I had is all gone, I had to lose it all the second I lost my dog, all the happy memories that were left with her my mum dismissed and just like light they faded away. If I try and express myself Im being a drama queen so I tend to not express myself. I have trust issues, or rather I choose to not trust anyone because they will soon leave like everyone else, and strangely I like to think of them dead. Is anyone else's story similar to this?
-Don't mind the typos it's early in the morning after all-