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The Chameleon
July 12th, 2014, 01:05 AM
I'm not really sure where to start. Recently a bunch of memories of sexual abuse came flooding back to me. I remember everything but I also remember doing everything I could to forget, to block the memories. It had worked and I hadn't remembered anything about the abuse but recently I'm not sure what happened but the memories came back. I talked to some really close friends and they suggested that I tell people. I couldnt bring myself to tell anyone I knew so I'm telling my story here and I hope this will help me.

I remember five different occasions when it happened.

I was about 7 or 8 if I remember correctly. My brother and I were going to the doctor for a usual check up. My brother went and then they called me back. The doctor did everything she usually did; check my heartbeat, eyesight and ears. Then she told me that I'd have to take my underwear off. She checked for hernias the routine way and there was nothing off but then she told me to lay on my back on the doctors table thing. I went to pull my pants up but she told me to leave them off so I did. I laued on my back and she lifeted my legs up. She looked at my anus with and without a light then it was finished. That was the normal visit. I remember her telling my mom that I should come back in a week or so for a follow up.

About a week later I was back. My brother didnt have to go in but I did. My doctor did the usually including the hernia test. Then she told me to lay on the table. This was when the abuse really started. She looked at my anus for a while then she put her finger on it and started touching my penis. she did this for a minute stroking me and touching me. I told her it felt uncomfortable but she told me it was part of the test. The last thing about that visit that I remember was her trying to put her finger all the way in. This time she told my mom that she did a few tests and recommended I come back for weekly visits.

The third time I came in like usual, did the check up then once again she had me lay on the table. This time she stuck her finger all the way in. I remember it hurting and I winced so she pulled her finger out and spit on it then put it inside me again. It still hurt the same but I didn't do anything so she put another finger in me. After a few minutes she pulled her fingers out and spit on my anus. I asked her what she was doing and she told me it was a test. She finished then assigned another appointment.

The fourth time was the worst. I didn't want to go so my mom had to practically drag me to the doctors. I went into the room and my doctor told me to take my shirt off. I remember telling her I didn't want to and she got really mad and pulled my shirt off. Next she pulled my pants and underwear off. This time she didnt even do the exam. She tried to put me on my back but I tried to fight her so she started spanking me. I started to cry so she put a mask over my mouth to try to mute my crying. She basically forced me onto the table and pushed my legs up. She started putting her fingers in me and rubbing my body. I remember she had a thermometer that she put in me too. She didnt take my temperature she just put it in my along with her finger. I was definitely crying at this point so she told me to get on all fours and she spanked me again. After she was done she said that if I hadn't misbehaved the exam would've been easier. She told my mom that I should come back one more time for a check up.

The last time was like the second. She actually did the check up but still put me on the table. She put her fingers in me and rubbed my penis. Then after a minute she stopped. She told my mom that the tests came back and I was normal.

I never told anyone until now. I really want to know what might have made these memories come back. I don't think I did anything to trigger them. Im not sure if i should see a therapist or just try to forget again. Thank you for listening and thank you for your help.

Dalcourt
July 12th, 2014, 04:12 AM
Well, I guess it depends on how much these memories bother you whether you should see some therapist or not. If you feel bad talking to some professional might be useful. There's no general advice on that.
And there can be a lot of things that suddenly trigger memories. It's in your subconsciousness and you don't even realize it. Speaking from experience here.

Living For Love
July 13th, 2014, 02:57 AM
You should definitely talk to someone, I mean, having all those memories and feelings bottled up inside you, making you suffer like you did when you were with that "doctor", it can't do any good to you. I know it will be hard because probably you don't want your family to find out, but that's why these type of websites like Virtual Teen exist. And you can always try to talk with a friend of yours you trust. It's not an easy thing to deal with abuse, but I think you're strong enough to deal with this, because if you went through all that in the past, I think you can now fight those memories that still haunt you. Good luck and stay strong. (:

CosmicNoodle
July 13th, 2014, 02:59 AM
Well, I guess it depends on how much these memories bother you whether you should see some therapist or not. If you feel bad talking to some professional might be useful. There's no general advice on that.
And there can be a lot of things that suddenly trigger memories. It's in your subconsciousness and you don't even realize it. Speaking from experience here.

You should definitely talk to someone, I mean, having all those memories and feelings bottled up inside you, making you suffer like you did when you were with that "doctor", it can't do any good to you. I know it will be hard because probably you don't want your family to find out, but that's why these type of websites like Virtual Teen exist. And you can always try to talk with a friend of yours you trust. It's not an easy thing to deal with abuse, but I think you're strong enough to deal with this, because if you went through all that in the past, I think you can now fight those memories that still haunt you. Good luck and stay strong. (:

Exactly what they said, word for freaking word, there really isn't much I can add apart from my own wishes of good luck,
Stay strong buddy :)