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Lovelife090994
July 1st, 2014, 05:47 PM
Recently I told my mother the truth about how I have bisexual and homosexual tendencies. I think I am bisexual. She denies it and says I'm choosing to go to Hell. She says I am an abomination and in her rage she said she would've aborted me rather than have a gay son. She keeps mentioning my mannerisms which to her are feminine. I feel bigender but due to my mother I have to hide my self. I don't even know what my true self is. I sneak online for advice because she thinks I picked up my ways. She says she doesn't talk about me, she talks about the "demons" in me. Those "demons" are what I am. It's not demonic, I never chose it. She doesn't seem to have unconditional love for me.

I told her only God can judge and how even a homosexual can be Christian. She denies this too. I'm 19 and about to go to college. Now she is talking about me to her Christian friends and old pastor friends. I am worried she is going to try and change me. I can't leave the house fast enough. Currently it is early July as I write this. I go to college in the Fall or really August an hour away and loans and grants are covering the costs. I need advice. What can I do? I am Christian although not the picture-perfect. I feel gay I think and am sure I am sexually even though I would date a girl. Girl's just aren't my preference.

My mother says I can't know what I am before I have sex. She wants me to marry and have kids. I want no parts of her any more. She says she loves me but won't agree with me or support me. My whole family is like this even though they don't know. I wish I and someone to run to and talk to near me. I don't. I don't even drive and money is tough. I don't work and I can't explore who or what I am. I agree more with Catholics versus mom's Southern Baptist, Apostolic, and Pentecostal teachings.

I really need help before she mounts an intervention. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel trapped and alone and feel like even God is shameful of me. I need to think of something to erase her doubts and quickly! She's already begun to watch my every move and wants to change my ways. Bad thing is this happened over a cruise we just had like days ago. I told her the truth. My cruise was Hell for me having to do everything with my family and be controlled by my mother. I know I'm supposed to love my family but now I feel like that love is waning fast. My mother almost went paralyzed and had stroke symptoms from telling her. My mother's love is all I really have even though I fill a gap coming between us. I just feel so alone and ashamed, even fearful and confused. I feel sadder than ever and I want to wake up from this nightmare called life. I am artistic but even with that she sees me as weird. What can I do?

Leprous
July 1st, 2014, 07:24 PM
First of all, this is NOT your fault. I am very sorry for everything that has happned to you and as said on your other thread, feel free to contact me. Everyone here wants to help you, and you should never give up. So feel free to contact me so I can talk with you more easily.

StoppingTime
July 1st, 2014, 09:49 PM
Just as a general note: You're free to post your own contact information on your profiles, but you're not permitted to directly request contact information from other members publicly on the forums. You're free to continue this discussion on/offsite, just don't ask for each other's social-networking accounts publicly.

Microcosm
July 2nd, 2014, 03:13 AM
I remember reading your first post. I know it must be awfully hard what you are going through, but try not to let anyone put you down like that. Whether be your mom, your family, or anyone else. Just know that God loves you and He cares for you no matter what. Have faith and don't let that faith go. You are gay and God is okay with that. He understands you and loves you for who you are. As for your mom, I'm afraid that will just take time. I know you don't want to hear that, but please stay strong. Once you go through college you can get a job and maybe an apartment or something like that. Settle down for a bit. My name is Daniel and you can PM me whenever if you want to talk. I am always welcoming to talk to people whenever you need me.

Hope I could help you.

conniption
July 2nd, 2014, 04:04 AM
It seems as though your mom has placed you in this box in an attempt to justify her actions, but there's really no excuse for her to treat you, or anybody else for that matter, so terribly. I understand you're most likely already frustrated and stressed over trying to figure yourself out and having your mom on your back 24/7 isn't helping in the least. Exploring your sexuality isn't simply about slapping on a label and calling it a day. It's about figuring out what YOU want and not what you feel you should want in order to fulfill criteria that others may associate with certain sexual orientations.
I'm not a religious person at all, but you shouldn't let your mom's opinions shake your faith. Yes, it's hard because she is your mother after all, but you're an adult and you have the right to live as you please.
Forget about marriage, labels, sex, dating, demons and whatnot, just do what you want to do at your own pace. You have the rest of your life to figure yourself out and perhaps even then you might not even have a concrete idea of who you are, and that is totally fine because it's completely impossible for anyone to ever know themselves 100%.

Hudor
July 2nd, 2014, 05:02 AM
It seems as though your mom has placed you in this box in an attempt to justify her actions, but there's really no excuse for her to treat you, or anybody else for that matter, so terribly. I understand you're most likely already frustrated and stressed over trying to figure yourself out and having your mom on your back 24/7 isn't helping in the least. Exploring your sexuality isn't simply about slapping on a label and calling it a day. It's about figuring out what YOU want and not what you feel you should want in order to fulfill criteria that others may associate with certain sexual orientations.
I'm not a religious person at all, but you shouldn't let your mom's opinions shake your faith. Yes, it's hard because she is your mother after all, but you're an adult and you have the right to live as you please.
Forget about marriage, labels, sex, dating, demons and whatnot, just do what you want to do at your own pace. You have the rest of your life to figure yourself out and perhaps even then you might not even have a concrete idea of who you are, and that is totally fine because it's completely impossible for anyone to ever know themselves 100%.

I agree with this totally.

Karkat
July 6th, 2014, 09:37 PM
Ok for one thing, your mom is clearly terribly emotionally abusive- religious or not, there's no excuse for her treating you like that.

I hope college comes fast for you- the chance to be away from her will be good for you.

Don't listen to her. If you want to write her out of your life? You're welcome to. You're an adult, and it is your decision whether or not you want to keep in contact with your family. You don't want to? Sever all ties. It's not worth being emotionally abused by someone who clearly doesn't TRULY love you.

gothy
July 7th, 2014, 05:36 PM
first of all i must tell you that religion like your mom's disgusts me and i hate it. but secondly, and unfortunatly many LGBT individuals face the same inequality. i dont understand why, if i had a gay son or daughter i would support them the same as i would support a straight son or daughter. possibly more because they may need the extra support due to the lack of support that the rest of the cruel world gives them.

what i would do if i was you is i would've not told my super religious fanatic parents in the first place. but you have the right to and all teens should feel safe being open to their parents.

if i were you, i would find a place like a friends or a Boyfriends that i could stay to separate myself from those who are unsupportive.

In canada we have youth shelters where teens can go to if they are living in a bad environment at home. i dont know what it is like in the USA however.

but you need to get away , else it will have a major impact on your mental health.

Dont listen to your moms preachings. they are very unchristian. what hapened to "love your neighbour" and the other centeral christian teachings?

This is why i gave up on religion.

Anyways, you need to find somewhere to go away from your mom.
"act straight" until you go to college (what a stupid thing for me to say because i would hate to have to be something im not) but for the sake of your mom keeping away from you just act for the next month. once you go to college, find people who are also LGBT and get support. after college i would never return or talk to my homophobic mother again.

love be it hetero or homo sexxual is a great thing, and people who limit love to straight couples and call themselves christians will find themselves having trouble getting into heaven (if it exists).

dont mean to put down your mom, i just hear so many stories like this and i develop such strong dislike towards homphobic fundamental religious peoples ideology.

PM me if you need. im online frequently.

I wish you the very best.

~ gothy

Lovelife090994
July 7th, 2014, 11:54 PM
first of all i must tell you that religion like your mom's disgusts me and i hate it. but secondly, and unfortunatly many LGBT individuals face the same inequality. i dont understand why, if i had a gay son or daughter i would support them the same as i would support a straight son or daughter. possibly more because they may need the extra support due to the lack of support that the rest of the cruel world gives them.

what i would do if i was you is i would've not told my super religious fanatic parents in the first place. but you have the right to and all teens should feel safe being open to their parents.

if i were you, i would find a place like a friends or a Boyfriends that i could stay to separate myself from those who are unsupportive.

In canada we have youth shelters where teens can go to if they are living in a bad environment at home. i dont know what it is like in the USA however.

but you need to get away , else it will have a major impact on your mental health.

Dont listen to your moms preachings. they are very unchristian. what hapened to "love your neighbour" and the other centeral christian teachings?

This is why i gave up on religion.

Anyways, you need to find somewhere to go away from your mom.
"act straight" until you go to college (what a stupid thing for me to say because i would hate to have to be something im not) but for the sake of your mom keeping away from you just act for the next month. once you go to college, find people who are also LGBT and get support. after college i would never return or talk to my homophobic mother again.

love be it hetero or homo sexxual is a great thing, and people who limit love to straight couples and call themselves christians will find themselves having trouble getting into heaven (if it exists).

dont mean to put down your mom, i just hear so many stories like this and i develop such strong dislike towards homphobic fundamental religious peoples ideology.

PM me if you need. im online frequently.

I wish you the very best.

~ gothy

Okay first off, I feel your response is way too anti-theistic and shows so much that I'd rather not ask too much of your past. But, thanks. Here I am not sure there are youth shelters and I can't just up and leave. I don't blame the religion I blame the person. My mental health is pretty much shot and I am trying not to write out my mom since she's the only family I am close to... so... there's that. I am still not sure what I am or what I'll do but I'll say an update if one occurs. I'm with you on how what my mother said wasn't right though. I'd just like to ask you not to be on the fence on the whole religion thing because when you say what you said it makes me feel worse because gay or bi I am religious and trust me we are not all out to hate, defame, or convert. Just keep that in mind.