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Calliope
June 13th, 2014, 04:04 PM
ok hi, this is like my 4th time trying to write this thread so hopefully I'll actually publish it this time.

anyways, like the title says, I get too nervous speaking up and talking to people. like earlier today my mom said I could get some ice cream and that I should just go tell the guy at the counter what I wanted and she'll pay for it. I couldn't. I just couldn't, I was too nervous, I don't know why. I can't order food at restaurants, I feel awkward talking to the hairdressers when I get a haircut, I can't even ring a doorbell. I'm just too nervous and I need someone to do it for me.

I can't even speak up to my mom. I waited around a month before I finally got the courage to tell her I wanted to dye my hair, and when I wanted to cut it short I waited another month and only when we were actually in a salon. I waited even longer to tell her that my old drawing tablet was crap and I needed a new one.
I get nervous speaking up in classes and going to people for help. I feel like I'm going to say something stupid and a lot of the time I do and that doesn't help at all.

I even get anxious posting on VT and talking in the chatrooms. I wait like 5 minutes and read my message over and over to make sure it's not too embarrassing. I only say hello in chat if someone says hello to me. And I never greet anyone by name for fear of getting their name wrong.

I can't start a conversation either. I just can't.
I probably have some sort of social anxiety, and yes I do take meds for both anxiety and depression, they don't seem to help at all.
It's kind of becoming a problem because I'm 13 now and expected to speak for myself and I don't know what to do.
I would ask my mom for help, but... I'm too nervous. I'm awful at telling people problems like this because I usually start crying for no reason and I just really don't want to do that.
I don't really know what the point of this thread is. Is anyone else too anxious to speak up? Advice would be awesome too. Advice is good.

Wall of text over.

Remora
June 13th, 2014, 04:10 PM
YES D: i have all these things really just a bit less :(
i mean it's fine (and if it isn't i'm there for ya)

Miserabilia
June 13th, 2014, 04:16 PM
I can relate.
That's social anxiety for ya; I bet you also hate going to supermarkets and talking to cashiers, or seeing a stranger look at you, or sitting and eating in a public place?
We're here :)

Karkat
June 13th, 2014, 04:18 PM
ok hi, this is like my 4th time trying to write this thread so hopefully I'll actually publish it this time.

anyways, like the title says, I get too nervous speaking up and talking to people. like earlier today my mom said I could get some ice cream and that I should just go tell the guy at the counter what I wanted and she'll pay for it. I couldn't. I just couldn't, I was too nervous, I don't know why. I can't order food at restaurants, I feel awkward talking to the hairdressers when I get a haircut, I can't even ring a doorbell. I'm just too nervous and I need someone to do it for me.

I can't even speak up to my mom. I waited around a month before I finally got the courage to tell her I wanted to dye my hair, and when I wanted to cut it short I waited another month and only when we were actually in a salon. I waited even longer to tell her that my old drawing tablet was crap and I needed a new one.
I get nervous speaking up in classes and going to people for help. I feel like I'm going to say something stupid and a lot of the time I do and that doesn't help at all.

I even get anxious posting on VT and talking in the chatrooms. I wait like 5 minutes and read my message over and over to make sure it's not too embarrassing. I only say hello in chat if someone says hello to me. And I never greet anyone by name for fear of getting their name wrong.

I can't start a conversation either. I just can't.
I probably have some sort of social anxiety, and yes I do take meds for both anxiety and depression, they don't seem to help at all.
It's kind of becoming a problem because I'm 13 now and expected to speak for myself and I don't know what to do.
I would ask my mom for help, but... I'm too nervous. I'm awful at telling people problems like this because I usually start crying for no reason and I just really don't want to do that.
I don't really know what the point of this thread is. Is anyone else too anxious to speak up? Advice would be awesome too. Advice is good.

Wall of text over.

I had this problem EXACTLY when I was your age. (Speaking of your age, is it fun to be 13 now that you know about Homestuck? I was 14 when I found out about it. :P ) And it's gotten a little better with time, as it might for you (I think most kids who are not like SEVERELY outgoing have this problem from like 12-14 or so, because like you said, you're expected to suddenly start doing things on your own, and you're not used to it.) however, when you have anxiety/are more prone to anxiety, I think it's a lot worse than if you're not.

Honestly? I don't even remember how I got over it. I think at one point, I was just forced to do it enough times that I ended up being ok with it, but only if the other person is in a predictable position- like at a cash register. I generally know what's expected of me, and I can follow through with it. But if no one's at the register, or if I need to ask questions about something, etc.? I freeze up. I start to have an anxiety attack. Phone calls are usually terrifying for me.

I think the best way to do it is to try your VERY hardest (as sometimes it can seem darn near impossible) to just blurt out whatever you have to say. That way, you can at least get on with your life- sitting there petrified will get you nothing.

I'm sorry I'm like SUCH a big help, but I wanted to at least give you a reply. Hopefully others will have better solutions. :P

Edit: I'd also like to add that I've been on anxiety medication before, and it's done nothing for me. It made me paranoid. So you're not alone there.

CosmicNoodle
June 13th, 2014, 04:23 PM
Yep, that's social anxiety for you. I still have that...bitch isn't it?

I went to my doctor and he put me on some medication to help ease it until it cleared up on its own, also some therapy helped.

Hollywood
June 13th, 2014, 04:24 PM
Oh man, do I know how you feel. Mine has gotten a bit better over the past few years, but it's still pretty bad. If I need or want something, like you I often wait a long time to say something or I just don't even bother mentioning it. If I have an opinion about something I never speak up, and I get nervous as hell going through a drive thru or ordering something at a restaurant. I was at the beach this week and I had to make an effort to stay as far away as possible from everyone else in the water to avoid the risk of them saying something to me.

I really don't have any advice for you Abigail, because I'm going through the same thing.

Living For Love
June 13th, 2014, 04:42 PM
I was a bit like that as well when I was 13, but now it's getting better. In my case, the issue wasn't only social anxiety, but the fact that I was really really shy and afraid that people might made fun of me for some reason, like, they wouldn't take me seriously. I always avoided talking to waitresses and people in shops. But hey, if they make fun of you for some reason, the problem is on them, not on you, so you don't have to worry about that. I think those aspects you described will eventually fade away when you get older, we all go through those phases in our lives.

Melodic
June 13th, 2014, 04:58 PM
I know how you feel, I'm the same way. I'm gonna say, each situation gets better and soon you'll get comfortable to talk to others. What helps me is getting the courage and taking that trip to the counter or saying hello to a passing stranger. It rarely goes wrong and it will make you feel proud of your accomplishment and more comfortable around people.

Calliope
June 16th, 2014, 12:00 AM
I had replies typed out to everyone, but then my computer decided to restart itself for updates. ;_;
But basically what I'm understanding from you guys is that it should maybe just fade away after a while? Hopefully? That'd be cool, I'd like that a lot.

@cheesee: Yes. Yes I do. D:
@WisenUpJanetWeiss: I don't see how age has anything to do with it? But it's a lot of fun to be a Homestuck fan. Mostly.
@CosmicNoodle: I'm... too nervous to talk to one of my doctors about it...
@Hollywood: YES. EXACTLY.

Karkat
June 16th, 2014, 12:05 AM
I had replies typed out to everyone, but then my computer decided to restart itself for updates. ;_;
But basically what I'm understanding from you guys is that it should maybe just fade away after a while? Hopefully? That'd be cool, I'd like that a lot.

@cheesee: Yes. Yes I do. D:
@WisenUpJanetWeiss: I don't see how age has anything to do with it? But it's a lot of fun to be a Homestuck fan. Mostly.
@CosmicNoodle: I'm... too nervous to talk to one of my doctors about it...
@Hollywood: YES. EXACTLY.

Oh, I just meant that everyone was 13 at the start, right? ;_; I haven't read it for a couple years. I kept getting interrupted by life/the devices I was reading it on crashing so I had no idea where I was.

Yeah, hopefully it will fade with time, like mine has a bit. Good luck. :)

tbake98
June 16th, 2014, 06:23 AM
Social anxiety is tough. I've had it, and to some degree still have it. My problem is that I simply think too much. I work myself up about the simplest things: talking to people I don't know, starting conversations with people I DO know. In the situations that have worked out, they've just been "random", or times when I don't have the chance to think about it.

I still find it hard to look people in the eye, even if they're talking to me. When I do, i feel like I'm staring at them (and making some sort of odd face), and I'm not really listening to what they're saying. Then, when I realize I'm staring, I'll completely zone out of the conversation, and inside my head start saying, "don't stare! Look at something else!" So, yeah...

But, it will get better in time. You just have to put yourself out there. If you say "hi" to a stranger, and they don't respond, that's OK. That's nothing wrong with you. They might just be in a bad mood or didn't hear you. But, at least you can say you did it; and that should give you hope and confidence for the next time you do it. Same for the ice cream guy, the woman at the salon, your mom, your friends, etc.

aurident
July 1st, 2014, 09:14 AM
How old are you, if I may ask?
I've been there as well, and still experience it, but not as worse as it was when I was on my teenage years. It is not TOO easy for me to start a conversation because I'm waaaaaaaay too shy. It is not easy as well to come up with a topic to talk about.

Then, I notice, that if you talk to a stranger which both of you have the same field of interest, it will be easy. For example, you're walking your dog in the park, and you happen to see a stranger with a dog as well, why not say "What a nice dog you have", that's where you will start the conversation.

I've done it and it works. just be confident of yourself.