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BookSmart
May 19th, 2014, 06:03 PM
Hi guys,

I've had an eating disorder for over 3 years, and I finally reached out for help a few months ago. The thing is, even with all the doctors, my counselor, group, and support of family and friends, I can't seem to change how I feel about myself.

It's like there's a battle being fought inside my head. Two sides that want very much to protect me, and are both trying to do what they think is right for me. I call those sides the "logical" side and my eating disorder side. Unfortunately, these sides have been fighting for so long, that the original problem they were fighting/protecting me from keeps getting pushed away and buried deeper and deeper. Their fighting isn't accomplishing anything and is only hurting me.

But just getting rid of my ED would cause harm; it's my support and I need it. It keeps me from harming myself in other ways like cutting, or even suicide. So I guess I really need to find a healthier way of coping, and also finding the issue that it is I need coping with.

That's part of how I feel about everything going on. But to be honest I feel really confused, lost, and kind of alone too. Eating disorders are scary, I'm sure many of you know this for yourselves. But, I'm determined to get better, even if I have to face a number of ups and downs along the way.

xXl0sth0peXx
May 19th, 2014, 08:16 PM
First off, I'm proud of you. I don't know if that's weird since I've never spoken to you before but honest to god, you've taken the first step that's the hardest to take. It takes so much strength and courage to ask for help and it's huge. It might not be over yet, but you took one of the hardest steps, and I'm so proud of you.

Have you said what you've said here to your counselors and whatnot? I think it's important that it's out there in a big way that this is coping. Part of your recovery will be finding new ways to cope. I can't tell you myself what those are, and it's something for you and your counselor and family to figure out. It could be destructive journaling, writing on balloons and letting them fly, or some other things that I have no ideas about.

I know how hard it is. I too have a logical side and an eating disorder side, and sadly, the second side wins more often than not. It's like a safety net, which I'm sure you understand all too well. It's such a lonely experience I know. I know you'll recover fully. I can see just from the little bits that I've seen of you that you will. It might not be tomorrow like we wish, but it will happen. Keep fighting for it, because you can do it.

My PM box is always open if you need someone to talk to x

BookSmart
May 19th, 2014, 09:17 PM
First off, I'm proud of you. I don't know if that's weird since I've never spoken to you before but honest to god, you've taken the first step that's the hardest to take. It takes so much strength and courage to ask for help and it's huge. It might not be over yet, but you took one of the hardest steps, and I'm so proud of you.

Have you said what you've said here to your counselors and whatnot? I think it's important that it's out there in a big way that this is coping. Part of your recovery will be finding new ways to cope. I can't tell you myself what those are, and it's something for you and your counselor and family to figure out. It could be destructive journaling, writing on balloons and letting them fly, or some other things that I have no ideas about.

I know how hard it is. I too have a logical side and an eating disorder side, and sadly, the second side wins more often than not. It's like a safety net, which I'm sure you understand all too well. It's such a lonely experience I know. I know you'll recover fully. I can see just from the little bits that I've seen of you that you will. It might not be tomorrow like we wish, but it will happen. Keep fighting for it, because you can do it.

My PM box is always open if you need someone to talk to x

Thank you, this means a lot to me. I'll defiantly talk more about it with my counselor. My PM box is open to you too! You're a really sweet person and I hope you can begin to recover too in your own time, if you haven't already :)