PDA

View Full Version : Incredibly aggressive


Dalcourt
May 17th, 2014, 10:48 PM
I've been diagnosed bipolar about nearly two years ago and are in therapy atm, although not too long anymore cuz we are moving and I'm not sure if my Dad will find me another therapist, there...but that's another story.

I usually can handle things okay...I mean depressive and manic episodes but I seem to have a lot of manic or my therapist thinks they are more mixed episodes (as the start out with being depressed), when I get incredibly aggressive...it usually starts out with just being irritated and dunno how to put it..."bitchy and a real pain" ...to quote a friend. That alone would just be annoying but within a few days this increases to outright aggressions. This aggressive behavior scares me cuz I don't feel like myself then...I shout, throw things, get into fights...not just normal fights, real dangerous ones where people were seriously hurt. Sometimes I, sometimes my opponent. For example last summer I broke a guy two fingers after we fought over a silly remark he made.
I'm so freaked out when those things happen...I feel like I can't control my body and mind anymore...something deep down seems to cry no but I simply can't stop...I also put myself in horrible danger sometimes. Sometime ago...some thugs threatend a female classmate of mine with a knive...I shouted at them to stop and then this guy pointed the knive in my face...I just gripped the blade with my bare hand freaking this coward totally out so they ran...my friend stared screaming cuz I was bleeding heavily from my hand...I hadn't even realized the huge cut across my palm...but it wasn't just this one incident ....it seems that my body is kinda numb when I'm aggressive, it is the adrenaline, I guess but still I feel it's weird as others who witness these things think I'm a freak.

I'm constantly afraid I might hurt someone when I'm aggressive, I hate the thought of hurting people and feel like a monster when stuff like that happens...so lately I've started to just run from whoever and wherever I am when I feel my aggressions taking over...I hurt myself still I can feel again and so snap back to my normal self.

I dunno if this is common or hasn't to do with bipolar, cuz I mean I've talked to my therapist but not about how bad it really is. I am ashamed to admit how evil I can be and how much I'm hurting others...I mean I live with an abusive parent and know how bad violence is and I hate getting like this myself...and I'm afraid she would think I'm dangerous and I don't want to go back to an institution.

I dunno what to do about it except the calming myself with self harm.

Katiya
May 18th, 2014, 02:33 AM
Hmm. I can relate a little. Not sure what causes this. But when it happens to me I hate it and it does scare me a bit.

Just out of curiosity, when did this start? Did you ever seriously hit your head? Like get knocked out or feel funny after for a long while? I'm seriously asking not joking so don't get mad lol

Dalcourt
May 18th, 2014, 02:48 AM
Hmm. I can relate a little. Not sure what causes this. But when it happens to me I hate it and it does scare me a bit.

Just out of curiosity, when did this start? Did you ever seriously hit your head? Like get knocked out or feel funny after for a long while? I'm seriously asking not joking so don't get mad lol

I dunno when it started really...as far as I know I've acted like that even in kind ergarden sometimes...
And I'm not mad at you for asking about this hit your head thing...in fact now that you bring this up, I don't remember it myself but my Grandma used to tell me that when i was 3 or so i played with a neighbor girl on a pick up truck dunno how we got up there...and she accidentally shoved me and I fell and hit the back of my head hard on the concret...they all thought I had fractured my head but I was just out for a few moments but seemed okay ...

Andriod09
May 22nd, 2014, 08:31 AM
... feel like a monster when stuff like that happens... I am ashamed to admit how evil I can be...


You said it yourself, humans in general can't be evil, its the things that inhabit this world on a different... plane I guess you could say.

I'm not sure if you're religious (I'm a Christian, so please don't be offended) or not, but if you would like to know more, ask me, I'd love to give you help.

CosmicNoodle
May 22nd, 2014, 09:03 AM
This happens to me sometimes, I turn into basically what you have described. The only difference being that I start to enjoy pain. Imnnot ashamed to say I enjoy pain normally, but when I get like that I go out of my way to inflict it upon myself.

No idea what it is or how to stop it, I just put it down to whatever condition I have. (My psych is trying to work it out as we speak)

As for dealing with it I do the same as you, I just run away when it starts to darken. Doesn't matter what imbdoing or where I am, I just drop what I'm doing and leave. Then I run as far away as I can.

Dalcourt
May 27th, 2014, 06:38 AM
You said it yourself, humans in general can't be evil, its the things that inhabit this world on a different... plane I guess you could say.

I'm not sure if you're religious (I'm a Christian, so please don't be offended) or not, but if you would like to know more, ask me, I'd love to give you help.

I don't really consider myself a Christian...but I'm kinda religious so I'm not offered by anything you could probably say. But I'm not sure what kind of help you mean.

Dalcourt
May 27th, 2014, 06:46 AM
double post, sorry

Andriod09
May 27th, 2014, 01:56 PM
By help I mean explaining some things that can cause mental health issues like Bi-Polar(ness?) And why people are psychotic and such. Its not a physocal (or even mental in this sense) where it comes from.

Dalcourt
May 27th, 2014, 09:40 PM
By help I mean explaining some things that can cause mental health issues like Bi-Polar(ness?) And why people are psychotic and such. Its not a physocal (or even mental in this sense) where it comes from.

Ah, okay...I see. So whenever you have time...I'm ready to read your explanation.

Andriod09
May 28th, 2014, 09:42 PM
Watch.. one person's going to call me crazy due to this explanation, yet its all factual that I have WITNESSED in my short 16 years of life. Crazy and creepy, yes. Truthful? Definitely.

I will first start out this explanation by saying that we (humans) are Vessels, and our souls can either be saved or corrupted.

With that being said, there are times where we have an empty "void" in our souls, where we search for things. I.e. this is the reason why people do drugs, are sex addicts, drunkards, etc, because they're not searching for the right reasons. I won't go into that detail due to some of the people on this site may not favor my religious beliefs, and will battle me on this.

If you want any more explanation, I will be glad to skype you, if you want. My name's on my profile.

Until then, have fun, be safe, and be careful. :)

Andy|Andriod09

Lily24
July 7th, 2014, 01:15 PM
I'm aggressive and defiant and my mom has bi polar I was wondering if I can be genetic my therapist said one sentence to my mom somthin bout bi polar but I didn't kno wht she said I also have ADHD and OCD could this affect my issue with being defiant