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The Trendy Wolf
April 22nd, 2014, 10:13 PM
Oh my, this has felt like the longest year of my life.

The results are in from the psychiatrist, and after months of waiting I finally know what's wrong with me.

These past few months have been mentally devastating for me. As the school year began, a new school with fresh faces, I felt as if I could conquer any task. I had recently developed my mind to be the perfect masterpiece of logic, answering every 'why?' with reason and clarity. I became a superior mind, but I made one fatal error with taking on such vast knowledge: No external expression of my true, logical thoughts. I did not feel overwhelmed by my logic, nor did I have any worry, and I even suspected that I could defend against any mental task.
What really happened was I reached my true limit of holding it all in. I snapped one day, almost instantaneously; I felt insane. One of the most intense panic attacks I had ever felt, perhaps the only one in recent memory, all happened in a matter of seconds. I had no clue what was happening.

A few weeks ago, after undergoing a few tests with a trusted psychiatrist, I learned that this anxiety I had felt (along with moderate to severe depression) was genetic. It was out of my control for the most part. And also, we have suspicions that my large ADHD dosages may be fueling the anxiety and depression, which makes school a tragedy at times, and homework is impossible.

Well, I suppose that this is my life from now on. With anxiety medication, my therapist says that I will thrive once again. Honestly, I'm relieved that I am not at fault.

Although this will be a troubling task for me to overcome throughout my whole life, I am oddly looking forward to it. :D

Living For Love
April 23rd, 2014, 04:47 PM
You're a really strong person for being able to cope with all those "issues". I hope everything works out for you.

DiamondsGirl
April 23rd, 2014, 09:25 PM
:) you're a strong person, alright. Stay that way x

thatgothgirluknow
April 23rd, 2014, 09:33 PM
stay strong and im glad that ur putting effort into getting better wish u the best of luck

Karkat
April 23rd, 2014, 09:35 PM
You know, this sounds a helluva lot similar to my recent struggles with diagnosis/medication, and really coming to terms with being bipolar.

I understood that autism was one thing that made me the way I was all my life- it never occurred to me that bipolar could explain a lot of things as well. I mean, the past few years, the word 'bipolar' was such an ominous word- and so was 'autism', really.

I felt like I was too 'well off' for it. Like I was somehow trying to make mountains out of molehills, but recently I've come to the realization that I've dealt with a LOT my whole life. Now, these words just help me understand myself, and give me a point of reference as to why I am the way I am.

All my life before it was 'weird', or 'too emotional', 'crybaby', 'acting out', 'troublemaker'. Now it's 'sensory issues', 'meltdowns', 'mania', 'depression'. I'm no longer alone, I'm no longer some sort of freak, I'm just a teenager who is a little different, and I can be ok with that.

Like you, I'm oddly looking forward to taking on the world with these things in mind now. ;)

The Trendy Wolf
April 29th, 2014, 05:29 PM
You know, this sounds a helluva lot similar to my recent struggles with diagnosis/medication, and really coming to terms with being bipolar.

I understood that autism was one thing that made me the way I was all my life- it never occurred to me that bipolar could explain a lot of things as well. I mean, the past few years, the word 'bipolar' was such an ominous word- and so was 'autism', really.

I felt like I was too 'well off' for it. Like I was somehow trying to make mountains out of molehills, but recently I've come to the realization that I've dealt with a LOT my whole life. Now, these words just help me understand myself, and give me a point of reference as to why I am the way I am.

All my life before it was 'weird', or 'too emotional', 'crybaby', 'acting out', 'troublemaker'. Now it's 'sensory issues', 'meltdowns', 'mania', 'depression'. I'm no longer alone, I'm no longer some sort of freak, I'm just a teenager who is a little different, and I can be ok with that.

Like you, I'm oddly looking forward to taking on the world with these things in mind now. ;)

It's always better to know, isn't it? I've always felt socially isolated and shy, even to the point of where I wouldn't speak for fear of being acknowledged by a whole group of people. The psychiatrist also mentioned that I likely possess a speech issue as well, despite my "advanced vocabulary", in her words. It certainly provides an explanation for my odd inability to make friends early in school. In fact, my only real friend at that time (and still today) was a boy with cognitive and perceptive troubles.

Life will certainly be better now knowing the reason why things have happened the way that they have. :D

Karkat
May 2nd, 2014, 01:39 AM
It's always better to know, isn't it? I've always felt socially isolated and shy, even to the point of where I wouldn't speak for fear of being acknowledged by a whole group of people. The psychiatrist also mentioned that I likely possess a speech issue as well, despite my "advanced vocabulary", in her words. It certainly provides an explanation for my odd inability to make friends early in school. In fact, my only real friend at that time (and still today) was a boy with cognitive and perceptive troubles.

Life will certainly be better now knowing the reason why things have happened the way that they have. :D

My hearing/speech difficulties are some of the most embarrassing for me. Especially when people insist that I'm deaf or stupid or something, I'm not! I'm just not very eloquent in person, and I have a hard time recognizing/separating/etc. words. My ears are actually very sensitive, and I hear a lot. But it's so hard to keep up with what people are saying.

I'm glad that I know that there is something...Nameable wrong with me, and that I'm not just some sort of freak. Then there are people out there who go "You're not autistic!" or "You can't be bipolar!" and I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Like, thank you for taking away the comfort of knowing that everything I felt growing up was wrong. Thank you for once again making me feel like I'm some sort of freak outsider who is just damaged and stupid or something. People act like I want to be sick, but it's not about that. I want answers. You can't know what that's like if you feel you fit in.

Deleted User
May 2nd, 2014, 10:35 AM
It's true that a lot of anxiety is predisposed and something we are actually born with. But trust your doctor and medication should help. I have severe social anxiety and generalised anxiety but I started taking clonazepam and I can't tell you how much I've improved from that alone. I actually applied to college for the performing arts even though a few months ago my anxiety was so bad I couldn't leave the house, let alone perform. But now it's manageable and the anxiety I do have can be dealt with in a rational manner.

Good luck and I wish you the best. There's no instant cure but you'll find some relief now that you have some proper help.

The Trendy Wolf
May 4th, 2014, 02:28 PM
Good luck and I wish you the best. There's no instant cure but you'll find some relief now that you have some proper help.
The way I see it, finding the right medication for my anxiety and depression will be just like the way I had to find the right prescription for my ADHD. I was born with all of them, and they aren't going to go away completely, and medication will assist a great deal, but it won't quite eliminate them entirely.

Thank you! :D