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HollowSoul
April 12th, 2014, 10:11 PM
Ok, so earlier today my mom said something about wanting me and my little sis's first everything to be after marriage but she already knew that kissing was out the door. That got me thinking and I remembered something. My friends asked me if I have ever had sexual contact with a guy. I said the only time I could think of was when I was 7 but I didn't really remember the details til today. A boy in my second grade class touched me on my private parts and put my hand in between his legs on his. It wasn't consensual and I was so young and confused so I never told anyone. I kind of blocked out that memory for years. I sat there for like an hour trying to figure out if this memory meant what I thought it did. So I asked my big sis and three of my friends. My big sis and friends 1&2 all said I was molested. Friend 3 thought that since we were both young it was innocent and he didn't really know what he was doing. I know I definitely didn't like what was happening and he seemed sure of what he was doing. I've had an aversion to dating and a fear of sex once I understood what they were. I never could explain why though until now. Was I molested? :confused: This is really confusing even after 10 yrs.

Living For Love
April 13th, 2014, 07:24 AM
If you were forced to do something you didn't want to, and if that made you feel bad at that time, then I believe it can be considered abuse. You might not remember well that episode, but it could have left some scars that only now are starting to appear. It might have happened a long time ago, and you two were both too young, and perhaps he didn't know what he was doing, but the truth is that some experiences, no matter when or how they happen, can definitely be kind of traumatic. If you feel the need to, you can talk to a counsellor or a psychiatrist and see what they think about it.

Dalcourt
April 13th, 2014, 07:31 AM
If you felt uncomfortable and didn't want it, I'd say you were molested. As it still gives you a hard time and you don't feel like dating because of this it was some kind of abuse even if you both were young at that time.
As said before, talking to some professional might be helpful.

HollowSoul
April 13th, 2014, 05:24 PM
If you felt uncomfortable and didn't want it, I'd say you were molested. As it still gives you a hard time and you don't feel like dating because of this it was some kind of abuse even if you both were young at that time.
As said before, talking to some professional might be helpful.

Thanks I kindof felt like maybe I was overreacting and don't really deserve to feel badly about what happened. I know someone who was raped repeatedly by someone for years and I feel like unwanted touching seems trivial compared to what she went through. Yet I still feel so gross and disturbed.

Katiya
April 13th, 2014, 08:30 PM
Thanks I kindof felt like maybe I was overreacting and don't really deserve to feel badly about what happened. I know someone who was raped repeatedly by someone for years and I feel like unwanted touching seems trivial compared to what she went through. Yet I still feel so gross and disturbed.

No. Your issues are just as important as yours. Nobody deserves to suffer just because someone else 'had/has it worse'. Thereis no worse when it comes to an individual. If it bothers you its just as important as anyone else's problem.

That was wrong of that boy. Do you feel attracted to boys/girls at all? If not you might be asexual. Which you are born with. It is not a bad thing if you are. I am an asexual and I felt much the way you say you do about sex and dating. Just never appealed to me. Then I found out I wasn't attracted to anyone either. I don't know if that incident caused any change in your preference or not, but if anyone ever tells you "just try it" and you don't want to, don't do it! There's no shame in that at all. Just say you haven't met the right person yet. Which if you do you will most definitely know! ;)

Best of luck! I wish u well!

thatgothgirluknow
April 13th, 2014, 08:48 PM
Thanks I kindof felt like maybe I was overreacting and don't really deserve to feel badly about what happened. I know someone who was raped repeatedly by someone for years and I feel like unwanted touching seems trivial compared to what she went through. Yet I still feel so gross and disturbed.

i get what ur saying but just because someone else had it happen worse doesnt make it not importnd sexual asalt is bad no matter how severe or how many times just because it only happened once doesnt make it right

HollowSoul
April 14th, 2014, 03:13 PM
No. Your issues are just as important as yours. Nobody deserves to suffer just because someone else 'had/has it worse'. Thereis no worse when it comes to an individual. If it bothers you its just as important as anyone else's problem.

That was wrong of that boy. Do you feel attracted to boys/girls at all? If not you might be asexual. Which you are born with. It is not a bad thing if you are. I am an asexual and I felt much the way you say you do about sex and dating. Just never appealed to me. Then I found out I wasn't attracted to anyone either. I don't know if that incident caused any change in your preference or not, but if anyone ever tells you "just try it" and you don't want to, don't do it! There's no shame in that at all. Just say you haven't met the right person yet. Which if you do you will most definitely know! ;)

Best of luck! I wish u well!
Thank you that helps alot. And I'm attracted to guys I just feel really uncomfortable with dating and the topic of sex. I've had bfs but they never lasted. Mostly because they were horny douche bags...

i get what ur saying but just because someone else had it happen worse doesnt make it not importnd sexual asalt is bad no matter how severe or how many times just because it only happened once doesnt make it right

Thanks you're right. I really can't remember too well how many times it happened though I think it happened more than once we had library everyday and our seats were right next to each other. But either way that experience was pretty bad.

Karkat
April 14th, 2014, 03:24 PM
If you were forced to do something you didn't want to, and if that made you feel bad at that time, then I believe it can be considered abuse. You might not remember well that episode, but it could have left some scars that only now are starting to appear. It might have happened a long time ago, and you two were both too young, and perhaps he didn't know what he was doing, but the truth is that some experiences, no matter when or how they happen, can definitely be kind of traumatic. If you feel the need to, you can talk to a counsellor or a psychiatrist and see what they think about it.

Agree entirely.

Thanks I kindof felt like maybe I was overreacting and don't really deserve to feel badly about what happened. I know someone who was raped repeatedly by someone for years and I feel like unwanted touching seems trivial compared to what she went through. Yet I still feel so gross and disturbed.

Hun, as someone who has been repeatedly sexually assaulted (as well as physically assaulted, and eventually raped) by someone, it is NOT trivial. I know that you feel bad for them, and you feel guilty for complaining about someone when you know someone who has had it worse, but the truth is that the pain olympics are just a shitty social construct made by people who can't bring themselves to be sympathetic.

It's ok to feel pain over something that has happened to you, no matter how insignificant it may seem. If you are hurting, you have the right to feel the pain. Simple as that. Sure, it doesn't give you an excuse to guilt-trip, or try to make others pity you, but I haven't gotten that out of this thread at all. You're ok. You deal with your own problems, ok? It's good to be sympathetic, and/or empathetic, but sometimes, even when someone else is hurting, you have to realize that you have to deal with your problems first.

No. Your issues are just as important as yours. Nobody deserves to suffer just because someone else 'had/has it worse'. Thereis no worse when it comes to an individual. If it bothers you its just as important as anyone else's problem.

Exactly.

HollowSoul
April 14th, 2014, 06:10 PM
Agree entirely.



Hun, as someone who has been repeatedly sexually assaulted (as well as physically assaulted, and eventually raped) by someone, it is NOT trivial. I know that you feel bad for them, and you feel guilty for complaining about someone when you know someone who has had it worse, but the truth is that the pain olympics are just a shitty social construct made by people who can't bring themselves to be sympathetic.

It's ok to feel pain over something that has happened to you, no matter how insignificant it may seem. If you are hurting, you have the right to feel the pain. Simple as that. Sure, it doesn't give you an excuse to guilt-trip, or try to make others pity you, but I haven't gotten that out of this thread at all. You're ok. You deal with your own problems, ok? It's good to be sympathetic, and/or empathetic, but sometimes, even when someone else is hurting, you have to realize that you have to deal with your problems first.



Exactly.
I'm sorry that happened to you :( My stepdad was abusive to me and my little sis so I know how that feels. But trust me the last thing I want is pity. You're right though. I need to focus on healing myself it's hard though to just focus on myself. I'm a compulsive helper haha I try to help others without even thinking about it. It just happens.

Karkat
April 14th, 2014, 10:23 PM
I'm sorry that happened to you :( My stepdad was abusive to me and my little sis so I know how that feels. But trust me the last thing I want is pity. You're right though. I need to focus on healing myself it's hard though to just focus on myself. I'm a compulsive helper haha I try to help others without even thinking about it. It just happens.

I understand that one quite a bit as well; I'm like that too. :) However, even the helpers need help sometimes. There comes a point when you learn that you can't expect to be able to help others if you are incapable of helping yourself.

darkangel91
April 15th, 2014, 11:58 AM
Sorry if this seems wrong, but a little boy touching a little girl doesn't seem that traumatic to me. If you had been a teen when it happens, that would have been bad, but a child curiously touching another child, consensual or not, doesn't seem like molestation to me. It's only molestation if it's actually sexual; simply touching someone when you're a child and you don't know better or you're curious is not sexually motivated, and thus, not molestation.

Again, I'm sorry if this sounds callous, but it's just my opinion.

NeuroTiger
April 15th, 2014, 12:04 PM
You were too young(you two).
So immature!
No need to feel bad!

Katiya
April 16th, 2014, 12:54 AM
Sorry if this seems wrong, but a little boy touching a little girl doesn't seem that traumatic to me. If you had been a teen when it happens, that would have been bad, but a child curiously touching another child, consensual or not, doesn't seem like molestation to me. It's only molestation if it's actually sexual; simply touching someone when you're a child and you don't know better or you're curious is not sexually motivated, and thus, not molestation.

Again, I'm sorry if this sounds callous, but it's just my opinion.

What isn't bad to you or I may be devastating to someone else. She was obviously old enough to know what it meant and the boy old enough to know what he was doing. We are taught at a very young age that it is bad for someone to touch your private parts. It doesn't matter who or how old. Regardless of a persons motives their actions can still traumatize a person. Innocent or not.

They boy was not "innocent" if he were innocent he wouldn't be doing that in the first place. It wouldn't have come to his mind. But it did, and he knew better because he knew how to do it and what it meant.

Innocent would be a 2-3 yo touching a kid just to touch like they do many things. But a 2nd grader knows better. That is far from innocent. Even if nobody gets an erection. That boys parents are/were obviously doing a very shitty job as he likely learnt it from family. The brat will probably grow up a rapist or one of those duchbags that thinks women are sex objects because that's obviously what he's been taught. Shame shame shame on his parents!

darkangel91
April 16th, 2014, 11:58 AM
An innocent child would not know that there is anything wrong with touching someone there. Because they're innocent. Children are naturally curious, and they only feel uncomfortable with things like that because they are taught to feel uncomfortable by their parents - which means that their parents have overridden their natural curiosity and caused them to feel guilt for perfectly natural urges, which is NOT the reaction a truly innocent person would have. Innocents feel no guilt, because they have not yet been taught to. I recognize that it was nonconsensual and she feels traumatized by it - I'm just trying to show how I personally feel about the matter.

And don't think I'm just some jerk mouthing off - I have experience with this, of a sort. When I was eight, I felt the desire to touch a friend of mine in that way, but felt guilty about this and didn't act on the desire. Later on however, I wrote down a fantasy - childlike, but still a fantasy - about what might have happened instead, enjoying the thought. My mom found it however, and told me I shouldn't be thinking about such things so young. She believed that he had touched me in some way, when he was totally innocent - I was the problem. I felt ashamed, both because I had had a supposedly evil, wrong thought or desire, but also because I had falsely incriminated him. I got out of it, but she never let me be alone with him again. Then he moved away. :( Until recently she still believed he had molested me or something, when in reality, the whole situation had been a completely innocent fantasy, the result of natural childish curiosity. I have since forgiven myself for this, but to this day I struggle with fear of sexuality, and for a long time during my early teen years I believed myself to be a pervert, because there was nobody to tell me that what I was feeling, had felt, was normal, not my fault, and I was too afraid to talk to my parents about it.

In short, I know how you feel. But I also understand how your "abuser" felt. You need to forgive him, and try to move on. That is what I have tried to do. I know it's hard - I still feel ashamed sometimes. I still feel guilt. But I know that it was not my fault, it was not motivated by perverted intentions, it was just a little boy intrigued by another little boy's body. The only thing that made it traumatic was the false belief that this was somehow "abnormal." Unwanted perhaps. But abnormal? No.

I hope I have helped...

HollowSoul
April 17th, 2014, 09:19 AM
An innocent child would not know that there is anything wrong with touching someone there. Because they're innocent. Children are naturally curious, and they only feel uncomfortable with things like that because they are taught to feel uncomfortable by their parents - which means that their parents have overridden their natural curiosity and caused them to feel guilt for perfectly natural urges, which is NOT the reaction a truly innocent person would have. Innocents feel no guilt, because they have not yet been taught to. I recognize that it was nonconsensual and she feels traumatized by it - I'm just trying to show how I personally feel about the matter.

And don't think I'm just some jerk mouthing off - I have experience with this, of a sort. When I was eight, I felt the desire to touch a friend of mine in that way, but felt guilty about this and didn't act on the desire. Later on however, I wrote down a fantasy - childlike, but still a fantasy - about what might have happened instead, enjoying the thought. My mom found it however, and told me I shouldn't be thinking about such things so young. She believed that he had touched me in some way, when he was totally innocent - I was the problem. I felt ashamed, both because I had had a supposedly evil, wrong thought or desire, but also because I had falsely incriminated him. I got out of it, but she never let me be alone with him again. Then he moved away. :( Until recently she still believed he had molested me or something, when in reality, the whole situation had been a completely innocent fantasy, the result of natural childish curiosity. I have since forgiven myself for this, but to this day I struggle with fear of sexuality, and for a long time during my early teen years I believed myself to be a pervert, because there was nobody to tell me that what I was feeling, had felt, was normal, not my fault, and I was too afraid to talk to my parents about it.

In short, I know how you feel. But I also understand how your "abuser" felt. You need to forgive him, and try to move on. That is what I have tried to do. I know it's hard - I still feel ashamed sometimes. I still feel guilt. But I know that it was not my fault, it was not motivated by perverted intentions, it was just a little boy intrigued by another little boy's body. The only thing that made it traumatic was the false belief that this was somehow "abnormal." Unwanted perhaps. But abnormal? No.

I hope I have helped...
Every kid has the desire to do something not necessarily normal and yo u didn't act on your desire. At the time I didn't know about touching in that way at all. All I knew was I felt disgusted and violated after he did that to me just because he was young too doesn't make it any less wrong. His hands should have been no where near my lady parts.

Katiya
April 18th, 2014, 02:25 AM
Every kid has the desire to do something not necessarily normal and yo u didn't act on your desire. At the time I didn't know about touching in that way at all. All I knew was I felt disgusted and violated after he did that to me just because he was young too doesn't make it any less wrong. His hands should have been no where near my lady parts.

Yeah. I believe he did know better and it was likely something he was taught how to do by example or bad intent by parents or other family members. The idea was obviously planted in his head one way or another.

If it were all that normal we would have all touched each other as kids. Second grade, even first grade is plenty old enough to know to keep your hands to your self and out of others pants let alone parts. It is however normal for children of that age to mimic what they see by their seniors. I strongly believe that to be the case here. It goes back to pour parenting.

Your right, age of the person does not change how you feel. You have every right to feel as you do. But no matter what it is we all have to move on, so just work on getting over it as best you can, rape vicetms have to do this too. Just try and go forward with your life and not think about it. That's what works for b me anyhow. :)

HollowSoul
May 31st, 2014, 08:55 PM
Yeah. I believe he did know better and it was likely something he was taught how to do by example or bad intent by parents or other family members. The idea was obviously planted in his head one way or another.

If it were all that normal we would have all touched each other as kids. Second grade, even first grade is plenty old enough to know to keep your hands to your self and out of others pants let alone parts. It is however normal for children of that age to mimic what they see by their seniors. I strongly believe that to be the case here. It goes back to pour parenting.

Your right, age of the person does not change how you feel. You have every right to feel as you do. But no matter what it is we all have to move on, so just work on getting over it as best you can, rape vicetms have to do this too. Just try and go forward with your life and not think about it. That's what works for b me anyhow. :)

This is really late I know haha but yeah you're right, moving on is the best thing it's just so friggin hard especially when dealing with other stuff. But thanks so much for helping me sift through this mess. Good luck :)