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CosmicNoodle
April 11th, 2014, 03:32 PM
Let's start from the top, I suffer from depression, extreme anxiety to the point I am convinced people are outside my house trying to get in at me, panic attacks, and what could possibaly be bipolar disorder. I also have a long history of Suicidal thoughts and have attempted the worst more than once. I have a mental illness, my doctors and phyciatrists are sure of that.
I have known I wasn't quite *right* for a long, long time, but come next week a team of phyciatrists will sit down and tell me exactly what's "wrong". I'm " ill" right now, but by next week it will be official, there will be a lawful doctors report proving I am broken.

Oddly, I know I'm "insane" right now, but just something about it being made official is fucking terrifying, enough so to trigger panic attacks. Did anyof you find being diagnosed scarey because its official, despite knowing your odd before hand?

My group of friends, and a few people in my class know what's wrong with me so they understand if I have a funny turn, but something about it being official, the government, doctors, my college, my extended family knowing about it. Having a bit of paper that's basically says "your mind is a broken, scarey, twisted place" is terrifying.

I suppose at the end of the day it could be 1000% worse, I could be missing a limb or have cancer, but something about the hole thing is just starting to scare me lately.
Im just scared and just wanted to let of steam and have a rant. :whoops:

MechaSniper
April 11th, 2014, 03:41 PM
Let's start from the top, I suffer from depression, extreme anxiety to the point I am convinced people are outside my house trying to get in at me, panic attacks, and what could possibaly be bipolar disorder. I also have a long history of Suicidal thoughts and have attempted the worst more than once. I have a mental illness, my doctors and phyciatrists are sure of that.
I have known I wasn't quite *right* for a long, long time, but come next week a team of phyciatrists will sit down and tell me exactly what's "wrong". I'm " ill" right now, but by next week it will be official, there will be a lawful doctors report proving I am broken.

Oddly, I know I'm "insane" right now, but just something about it being made official is fucking terrifying, enough so to trigger panic attacks. Did anyof you find being diagnosed scarey because its official, despite knowing your odd before hand?

My group of friends, and a few people in my class know what's wrong with me so they understand if I have a funny turn, but something about it being official, the government, doctors, my college, my extended family knowing about it. Having a bit of paper that's basically says "your mind is a broken, scarey, twisted place" is terrifying.

I suppose at the end of the day it could be 1000% worse, I could be missing a limb or have cancer, but something about the hole thing is just starting to scare me lately.
Im just scared and just wanted to let of steam and have a rant. :whoops:

I think its badass that your insane. :cool:

CosmicNoodle
April 11th, 2014, 03:46 PM
I think its badass that your insane. :cool:

You know, the stereotype of insane is not always bad, people don't question when you do weird shit or say fucked up things.
Still, I have noticed that a lot of people seem to see insane e as "cool", many songs seem to glorifgy it, but IRL its just scarey and horrible.

MechaSniper
April 11th, 2014, 04:01 PM
You know, the stereotype of insane is not always bad, people don't question when you do weird shit or say fucked up things.
Still, I have noticed that a lot of people seem to see insane e as "cool", many songs seem to glorifgy it, but IRL its just scarey and horrible.

Right but you've seen what we havent. you can get ideas only you can think of. being insane is a challenge, I get that but that allows you to live more of life. you can endure one of the most difficult challenges in life. so in a way your stronger than all of us. that's why I think of it being cool.

backjruton
April 11th, 2014, 08:03 PM
All I can really add is being diagnosed autistic was actually one of the best things ever. I don't know the exact details of this, as I seem to have random panic attacks and bad anxiety sometimes too, among a lot of other complications I've only just seemed to notice and find out more about. Since the diagnosis I've been getting 498 amonth DLA, and at least you being in the UK also will most likely be a good chance of that, not so much ... i don't know, the rates go between 20 a week and 90 a week or something depending on how "severe" your disability is.

I don't know how they did that so I can't give any good advice here but it's made my life much better anyway. It could possibly be autism, but not too big a possibility; but not much of what you said says to me it could be, but the "Bipolar" symptoms COULD be extreme sensory overloads, mine seem to get triggered quite often and have caused me to flip out quite extremely including throwing a big block of wood at my brother and breaking a hole in the wall, attacking him for doing 1 bad thing on my RuneScape account and losing my mind so bad I ended up grabbing him and kicking him in the head. I don't tell him how bad I feel because I don't want anyone in my house to know I feel compassion, but I do feel bad after I've had more time to think. I also have feelings of depression too but not too often and mostly just being upset when I find out more things I'm actually dealing with; the thought of me having some forms of social anxiety disorder, sensory processing disorder and agoraphobia as well as being on the autistic spectrum do scare me a little which is why in a way I'd rather not go about being checked for any of them.

Autism and ADHD are the only things I really know anything about so other than that I'm probably useless. If you do have slight suspicions of these things however, try these links here (http://archive.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html) and here (http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php), as for me they've been quite helpful in finding out more after already having a diagnosis :D

rianvice
April 20th, 2014, 07:13 PM
I know what you mean dude. I have serious paranoia. To the point that I don't want to go to the psychologist. I hate them so much. I always think that people are plotting against me. Like everyone is out to get me. I also suffer from extreme anxiety, depression, and maladaptive daydreaming, although I consider maladaptive daydreaming to be a gift. I love philosophy, so I revel in my insanity because I can come up with some pretty philosophic shit, although being insane does have it's downsides.

Zeke
April 29th, 2014, 01:47 PM
Alright dude, I don't want to think that whatever you have going on up there is a bad thing. Even though you are getting a professional diagnostic of what you currently have, we know for a fact you are not insane. Why? Because you stated that you know whats going on with you. You psychically and mentally know that what you have is a mental illness which is extremely good. You are not insane, now where close. You proven to all of us that your mind is strong enough to know what you have is wrong, which means that your mind is strong enough to fix itself. A little medication and a little therapy and you'll be good as knew.

Best of luck :)

ksdnfkfr
April 29th, 2014, 02:04 PM
Let's start from the top, I suffer from depression, extreme anxiety to the point I am convinced people are outside my house trying to get in at me, panic attacks, and what could possibaly be bipolar disorder. I also have a long history of Suicidal thoughts and have attempted the worst more than once. I have a mental illness, my doctors and phyciatrists are sure of that.
I have known I wasn't quite *right* for a long, long time, but come next week a team of phyciatrists will sit down and tell me exactly what's "wrong". I'm " ill" right now, but by next week it will be official, there will be a lawful doctors report proving I am broken.

Oddly, I know I'm "insane" right now, but just something about it being made official is fucking terrifying, enough so to trigger panic attacks. Did anyof you find being diagnosed scarey because its official, despite knowing your odd before hand?

My group of friends, and a few people in my class know what's wrong with me so they understand if I have a funny turn, but something about it being official, the government, doctors, my college, my extended family knowing about it. Having a bit of paper that's basically says "your mind is a broken, scarey, twisted place" is terrifying.

I suppose at the end of the day it could be 1000% worse, I could be missing a limb or have cancer, but something about the hole thing is just starting to scare me lately.
Im just scared and just wanted to let of steam and have a rant. :whoops:

I can only imagine how hard it is getting a dx later on like that. I was dx with a boatload of stuff by the time I was three, so it's something that's always been part of my life, rather than dumped on me as a teen.

Things to keep in mind is that this is an illness just as something like diabetes is an illness - it is not a character flaw. It's not something you should be ashamed of or feel guilty over as if you did something wrong.

And given your condition, of course you're jumpy as hell over having to sit down with white coats and have them drop some bomb on you. Sure, it's not terminal brain cancer or w/e but I'd be nervous a s shit myself. I don't mean you should be scared about the dx, it's just the process that's nerve rattling.

Keep us posted because you're a really cool person and I'm always interested in what you have to say and how you're doing. Cheers.

backjruton
April 29th, 2014, 06:59 PM
Sorry for the long essay once again :D:whoops:

I can only imagine how hard it is getting a dx later on like that. I was dx with a boatload of stuff by the time I was three, so it's something that's always been part of my life, rather than dumped on me as a teen.

Things to keep in mind is that this is an illness just as something like diabetes is an illness - it is not a character flaw. It's not something you should be ashamed of or feel guilty over as if you did something wrong.

And given your condition, of course you're jumpy as hell over having to sit down with white coats and have them drop some bomb on you. Sure, it's not terminal brain cancer or w/e but I'd be nervous a s shit myself. I don't mean you should be scared about the dx, it's just the process that's nerve rattling.

Keep us posted because you're a really cool person and I'm always interested in what you have to say and how you're doing. Cheers.

Meh, I was only diagnosed with autism and now I think there's a lot more there's not too much I can do about it ... I need to speak to the psychiatrists again because I want to know if my GAD, agoraphobia and slightly suspected ADHD actually exist. We agreed my violent outbursts are sensory overloads, so I don't think I have bipolar because of that as the times I get angry can have better explanations of why than just "It happened at random" because even though they do it's always been in situations with too much sound and something else. I just can't think of what caused my panic attack on the weekend, I only know I was outside and it was crowded at the time it happened ... so good luck me when I'm walking home on my own tomorrow (I might be meeting my mum as she's off work but I'm not sure) as I have to go through town again and it can be overwhelming, but less on Weekdays when most people are in work I guess...

I don't feel my diagnosis was dumped on me though, my parents knew I had problems since I was around 1 or 2. Finding out I'm hypotonic (with the muscle thing) WAS dumped on me and not too long ago over a txt/SMS but they say they were taking me to therapy or something until I kept refusing it, it was only when I started to stress at the end of primary school and in high school that I wanted to take it further. We always knew a lot but until year 6 no teachers did; but in high school I was always treated the same way those who actually had a registered disability were with extra help when they thought I needed it the most. It would be a bigger "dump" to be told I didn't have a disability because imagine that... I'd be expected to sort out the way I'm used to acting... that would be a problem.

In a way it's a great thing, especially for me recently, because of my random levels of determination; I won't be in college next week, I have less time on the project because of this, so I've done a lot of it at home and I don't know many people who would do that... I find it really fun, giving my work the perverted aspects once again. The tutor called me a weirdo because of how much I've managed to do (in a good way), I started with completely unrelated stuff and turned it all into something AWESOME. I'm a little distracted again now, but I like having what I have (what I know about anyway... I hate the others because I don't know if I have and it causes too much stress) because social life is boring anyway and I would rather excel in actually doing what I'm asked to... eventually.

Alright dude, I don't want to think that whatever you have going on up there is a bad thing. Even though you are getting a professional diagnostic of what you currently have, we know for a fact you are not insane. Why? Because you stated that you know whats going on with you. You psychically and mentally know that what you have is a mental illness which is extremely good. You are not insane, now where close. You proven to all of us that your mind is strong enough to know what you have is wrong, which means that your mind is strong enough to fix itself. A little medication and a little therapy and you'll be good as knew.

Best of luck :)

Well.. I'm not actually on meds, I probably could do with having some because I have way too much anxiety to properly function most of the time but other than that no one's really mentioned any problems. If any meds could remove agoraphobia, I would probably take them...

My friend said this to me too, I'm not too bad because I actually know what my problems are, and I'm guessing a lot of people don't BUT I probably wouldn't know what was wrong with me if I had an earlier diagnosis. It's the kind of thing I guess where if you're going through this horrible process as you're growing up you will learn more about what's different instead of trying your best to fit in when you physically can't because you don't know any different. I don't know what the OP's differences are because we won't know until there is a clear explanation but for me this has been the case anyway. I don't try to act normal because I've had my issues confirmed more recently and have a better understanding of why I can't act normal. I've had an extreme adrenaline rush from running past cars and I always randomly feel the temptation to cause destruction - I came very close to throwing my new phone in a full bath earlier for no reason, but I think that's because I was very tired, and I keep tipping chairs over in college at random without even thinking because that too is destructive.

This sounds like me too:
Let's start from the top, I suffer from depression, extreme anxiety to the point I am convinced people are outside my house trying to get in at me, panic attacks, and what could possibaly be bipolar disorder.
I don't exactly know if what I have is depression but sometimes it does seem likely... I feel like shit going outside and in college time I can literally only spend 10 minutes outside mostly before going crazy or just having to rush back in, and as I've said above I had a panic attack in the middle of town on Saturday and I think that's because of how many people there were there. I learned my "bipolar" could just be extreme sensory overloads, and that helped. I've also said on here that one time I had a really bad dream involving a wrestler breaking into my house and beating me up for listening to music instead of hearing the knocking on the door, and that still causes me a LOT of problems. I find it hard to even look at the front door, and outside I find it hard to breathe sometimes, I think that's definitely agoraphobia and slight xenophobia too because I always get the suspicion when I see someone that looks Russian or something that they're going to stab me under one of the subways (this is also down to the fact someone has already been stabbed to death by foreigners under the subway that I'm talking about)... I'm scared of too many people, I don't trust anyone, things that happen affect me for a very long time - someone broke my trust quite badly a few years back and I'm still feeling the aftershock of it because I just can't get over it.

I have a mental illness, my doctors and phyciatrists are sure of that.
I have known I wasn't quite *right* for a long, long time, but come next week a team of phyciatrists will sit down and tell me exactly what's "wrong". I'm " ill" right now, but by next week it will be official, there will be a lawful doctors report proving I am broken.

Oddly, I know I'm "insane" right now, but just something about it being made official is fucking terrifying, enough so to trigger panic attacks. Did anyof you find being diagnosed scarey because its official, despite knowing your odd before hand?

My group of friends, and a few people in my class know what's wrong with me so they understand if I have a funny turn, but something about it being official, the government, doctors, my college, my extended family knowing about it. Having a bit of paper that's basically says "your mind is a broken, scarey, twisted place" is terrifying.


As has been said, you're not insane because you know your differences. Same here, except before my diagnosis everyone STILL had to know because of all the stupid things I said and did whenever I was hyper. Telling a girl she could piss in my mouth when the teacher wouldn't let her go to the toilet was the worst, but I didn't get in trouble for that :P a lot of things made it clear what I had but they just needed to be sure of everything. I blurted out too many random things. From my experience, it wasn't too "freaky", the worst thing for me was when they first started to ask me if I wanted help more and I hate asking for it so I don't. Everyone knows, it's made my life better, so it should for yours too. Not insane. I have random panic attacks a lot too I think, I have no idea, and I just wanted to have my diagnosis so everything could start to slow down again so for me it wasn't freaky in the slightest I don't think. Honestly, it's not too bad, and as you've said; it could be much worse. I'm interested too to know what you come back with, especially because I'm trying to find out about more "illnesses" because I'm rather confused about mine and would rather know from the person's perspective instead of some nerd on the help sites. From my knowledge, i didn't go to the last meeting - it was just my parents, they told me I was autistic myself JUST after I commented about my autistic friend who when I asked him what he had he wouldn't tell me even though I already knew. When I found out about me i tried to re-assure him it wasn't too bad, but I don't know. I'm in the UK too, I'm surprised to know the process doesn't sound too much for me like it does for everyone else - to find everything out it was one last test after all the meetings to see how I did without my parents around answering a few strange questions - that decided everything. My obsessions with certain things along with what I can't remember is what proved what I am, and I'm glad it did. You really shouldn't worry about it... unless you think it could be much worse.

Cloud_Strife
April 30th, 2014, 02:10 AM
Let's start from the top, I suffer from depression, extreme anxiety to the point I am convinced people are outside my house trying to get in at me, panic attacks, and what could possibaly be bipolar disorder. I also have a long history of Suicidal thoughts and have attempted the worst more than once. I have a mental illness, my doctors and phyciatrists are sure of that.
I have known I wasn't quite *right* for a long, long time, but come next week a team of phyciatrists will sit down and tell me exactly what's "wrong". I'm " ill" right now, but by next week it will be official, there will be a lawful doctors report proving I am broken.

Oddly, I know I'm "insane" right now, but just something about it being made official is fucking terrifying, enough so to trigger panic attacks. Did anyof you find being diagnosed scarey because its official, despite knowing your odd before hand?

My group of friends, and a few people in my class know what's wrong with me so they understand if I have a funny turn, but something about it being official, the government, doctors, my college, my extended family knowing about it. Having a bit of paper that's basically says "your mind is a broken, scarey, twisted place" is terrifying.

...



Hi Joe,

Just wanted to say that sometimes people really attach too much to the fact that people have mental illnesses. At the end of the day, conditions like depression and bipolar affective disorder are very much no different to other conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes or asthma. In its simplest form, it's a medical condition, requiring some medication to help the person function and its baseline.

Try not to think too much into it, and don't allow the fact that others attach a stigma onto these conditions; to make you do so too. 'Loony', 'crazy', 'insane'... these are all words which have a negative connotation attached to them, for people with mental health conditions. Just because people have these conditions, doesn't mean that they cannot function well on a day-to-day basis. People with conditions likes high blood pressure, asthma, diabetes (and many other medical conditions) can be managed well medically every day. It is the same with conditions like depression, bipolar affective disorder and schizophrenia too.

Stay strong. Please reconsider looking at it from an alternative perspective, like what I noted down. I hope it serves to help, looking at it from this different point of view.

Take care mate.

Luminous
May 9th, 2014, 03:24 PM
That does sound scary. But maybe it will be a good thing. Maybe the doctors will lay out what's wrong, and then say, "BUT, I think this could help, or this, or this." It could actually be a huge turning point in your life. You could be on your way to getting better.

RavleIncarnate
May 9th, 2014, 09:42 PM
I know what you mean dude. I have serious paranoia. To the point that I don't want to go to the psychologist. I hate them so much. I always think that people are plotting against me. Like everyone is out to get me. I also suffer from extreme anxiety, depression, and maladaptive daydreaming, although I consider maladaptive daydreaming to be a gift. I love philosophy, so I revel in my insanity because I can come up with some pretty philosophic shit, although being insane does have it's downsides.

What's maladaptive daydreaming? Someone once told my mom I may have it...

And I have paranoia too. I have the permanent and permeating feeling that something is watching me, so bad to the point that my mind have registered eyes in keyholes and shadows flitting by windows of rooms that I walk in, even going so bad that I saw a...thing?...look at me from the corner of my window. Strange enough, my sister is the only ither one who sees this. Maybe its her again?

1_21Guns
May 11th, 2014, 10:28 AM
Having a bit of paper that's basically says "your mind is a broken, scarey, twisted place" is terrifying.

I just want to point out that as you said it is just a bit of paper. I spent years being petrified of going to the doctors about my problems, I didn't want to be another statistic, I didn't want a record of it, I didn't want a diagnosis in a way. But in the end it was okay, did getting a diagnosis change me, who I am for the worse? No, and same to you.
Our mental illnesses don't make us broken, in my opinion they don't even make you insane. I think sanity is kinda silly really because lets be honest to a varying degree who is actually sane?
Don't let a piece of paper define you, define who you are, yes, you have a (or a few) mental illnesses but the best thing to do is accept it, accept the help and try and move on. This isn't the end of the road, and neither is that piece of paper :)

The Trendy Wolf
May 11th, 2014, 04:23 PM
Let's start from the top, I suffer from depression, extreme anxiety to the point I am convinced people are outside my house trying to get in at me, panic attacks, and what could possibaly be bipolar disorder. I also have a long history of Suicidal thoughts and have attempted the worst more than once. I have a mental illness, my doctors and phyciatrists are sure of that.
I have known I wasn't quite *right* for a long, long time, but come next week a team of phyciatrists will sit down and tell me exactly what's "wrong". I'm " ill" right now, but by next week it will be official, there will be a lawful doctors report proving I am broken.

Oddly, I know I'm "insane" right now, but just something about it being made official is fucking terrifying, enough so to trigger panic attacks. Did anyof you find being diagnosed scarey because its official, despite knowing your odd before hand?

My group of friends, and a few people in my class know what's wrong with me so they understand if I have a funny turn, but something about it being official, the government, doctors, my college, my extended family knowing about it. Having a bit of paper that's basically says "your mind is a broken, scarey, twisted place" is terrifying.

I suppose at the end of the day it could be 1000% worse, I could be missing a limb or have cancer, but something about the hole thing is just starting to scare me lately.
Im just scared and just wanted to let of steam and have a rant. :whoops:
I have fairly extreme anxiety as well, but not anywhere near the point at which yours likely is. I have certainly felt paranoid before, in fact, when I was younger, I thought that the whole world was an elaborate, staged production that was meant to fool me, and if I came to realize that fact openly, then everyone would come after me with glowing red eyes, as if they were robots.

I get panic attacks that are fairly severe at times, and it's a hard thing to manage. I have depression, too, but the thing that seems to tie it all together is my ADHD.

I saw a psychiatrist a little while ago, and I had IQ testing done as well as a psychological evaluation. The fact that I'm adopted makes determining whether my anxiety and depression is genetic extremely difficult, but the fact that I had no recollection of any event that may have caused either of them gave them enough evidence to make a conclusion. She gave my family a huge packet that explained what was wrong with me afterwards.

I hope that you're able to adapt to what's going on, and I wish you a happy life. ;)