View Full Version : Friend 'stalking' me

April 6th, 2014, 06:04 AM
This may be long so bare with me.

I was very close friends with a guy for a few months. I got with my current boyfriend (of 7 months) and shortly after we got together he told me that he wanted to be with me and that he 'loved' me. I sort of brushed it off, and he seemed to understand that I was committed to my boyfriend.

Over the next few months things started to get more intense. For example, me and him attended a friends birthday party, and he walked out of the party, claiming that some other guy was flirting with me and he was jealous. A lot of people at this party were angry at him for this, and as I went after him to see what was wrong, they were angry at me too.

From the point, I think anyway, he started texting me constantly, meaning 20 times a day without be replying. One time I was going into school and he asked to meet me afterwards I said no, and he waited outside the school anyway, I walked home with him not wanting to be rude, but I found it very odd that he waited even when I said no. After this he sort of backed off, he stopped texting me as much and left me alone.

But two days ago I was at a bus stop and he walked past, well he stopped and sat with me till my bus came, he invited me to a party but I said no. Later that night, he was texting me saying how bad the party was, and pestering me to come too a park where he and a few people from the party were hanging out. I wasnt feeling too up to it but I didnt wanna put him down so I just asked who was there and general things. He then started saying that he would come wait outside my house and that he was on his way, after this I decided I should least go outside to see if he's okay/if he was actually outside of my house. He was. He convinced me to go to this park with him.

As we walked there he kept saying how he was drunk and that he wanted to kiss me and I just kept telling him no and that he shouldnt do that. Next thing I knew he had grabbed me and started kissing me and I pushed him away and said I didnt want that. At this point he did back off, but then as we got closer to the park he started saying 'oh we dont have to go to the park if you dont wanna', which was confusing at the time, now I realise he may have meant for us to go someone where more private. He also admitted that he wasnt drunk, which means he was just using it as an excuse to kiss me.

In the end, we went to the park were everyone there was tipsy and there had been some unrelated drama, I had a beer then went home.

My question is, could what he has been doing/what he did two days ago be called abuse? I guess sexual or otherwise. I obviously wasn't raped or majorly assaulted, but what happened made me very uncomfortable and honestly the night it happened I had nightmares about it, and then I didn't sleep the next night at all.

(Also, my boyfriend has been aware of everything with this guy. And has encouraged me to stop contact with him/confront him.) (I haven't told him what happened because my boyfriend is very anti alcohol and would probs be mad at me for going out to see him)

Just any help, advice, or info would be nice. Thanks in advance.

April 6th, 2014, 06:14 AM
Dude call the cops on that creep.

April 6th, 2014, 06:17 AM
Has he actually done anything wrong, like legally then?

April 6th, 2014, 06:20 AM
Has he actually done anything wrong, like legally then?

the three things I caught was Sexual assault, stalking a minor, underage drinking.

April 6th, 2014, 06:24 AM
I get the stalking a minor and underage drinking, but can what happened actually be called sexual assault? Thats mainly what im confused about :/

April 6th, 2014, 06:24 AM
For me it's an abuse...he's so creepy!

April 6th, 2014, 06:30 AM
That is definitely stalking and you BETTER stop contacting him in every shape or form. Never feel bad when you're protecting yourself!

April 6th, 2014, 07:57 AM
Yup. Fella seems like a complete creep. Avoid.

April 6th, 2014, 08:22 AM
Ahem, if you don't want this situation to turn out as worse as the movie "Obsessed" I'd call the cops.

April 6th, 2014, 09:02 AM
He forced you to kiss him and you didn't want it, so he clearly assaulted you. You should tell someone cuz this guy is really a creepy stalker. If it gets worse with him call the cops, things like that can end up bad if taken too lightly.

April 7th, 2014, 02:08 AM
Stalker alert! Kissing would be a legit form of assault, especially since you said no.

If he doesn't quit call the cops on him. It is stalking.

April 19th, 2014, 05:31 PM
Yeah he sounds like a right creep and you need to get him off your tail. Youneed to either speak to him yourself or if you feel too intimidated get someone else to speak to him for you. What he is doing is wrong and it needs to stop. You need to let him know that if this continues you will tell an adult or the cops and that there will be consequences. I'm not sure about the law where you live but in terms of Scottish law, if this happened in Scotland he's certainly broken the law on stalking and assault.

April 19th, 2014, 07:03 PM
I think you should get away from him. It struck me as weird when he waited outside the school even though you told him you weren't going to meet him. He knows you have a boyfriend, so why does he insist on stalking you like this? You don't have to feel bad if you drop all contact with him. You'd be doing him and yourself a favor. This is really creepy, and although he's not doing anything illegal, you still need to get away. I wouldn't tell an adult about this right now, but you should let him know that if this continues, you won't have a choice. To answer your question, I would definitely call this abuse. He can obviously tell his strange behavior is bothering you. You have a right to inform the police if he refuses to stop. I'd be surprised if they don't do anything.

Your boyfriend seems concerned if he's telling you to confront him. That doesn't seem like a bad idea, but have you not already tried that? I really don't think confronting him will work. He still waited for you outside of school after you told him you weren't interested, and you expect him to listen to you when you confront him? He might get defensive, and try not to feel upset regardless of what he says. Avoiding this person seems like the best decision right now. This person has been forcing you to do things you don't want to do, and that is definitely abuse. You said he convinced you to go to the park with him, but what would happen if you refused? Would he shrug it off, or would be force you to come with him? Everyone else here seems to agree that he is a creep, so try and avoid him. I wish you luck!

April 19th, 2014, 09:18 PM
That guy seems pretty nuts, specially forcing himself on you like that, I wouldn't trust him if I were you, you should try to break all ties with him. would be the safest route. hopefully you would be able to avoid a rape if you get rid of him.