View Full Version : Not about weight loss TW: abuse

March 29th, 2014, 12:49 PM
I'm currently diagnosed with Atypical anorexia nervosa, but at one point I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

However, it was never really about weight for me.

I don't like eating. It feels gross, sounds gross, looks gross. But I also have aversions to red food, brown food, and meat, which leads to restricting and that leads (typically) to weight loss. These aversions came about from years of forced ingestion of feces, blood, and human flesh.

I've tried recovery programs (four of them!) but none of them have stuck, because they treat me like they would treat someone with an ED motivated by weight loss and appearance based motivation. And that simply isn't true.

I'm getting so worn down and feeling like I'm a failure for not having a *correct* ED which is a completely stupid concept, because there is no right way to be ill.

But I've been pretty much laughed out of treatment because no one thinks an ED can be motivated by something not based in weight/appearance.

Do other people have EDs that are not based in weight/appearance/self esteem, and are more about avoiding foods because of experiences like what I've gone through?

April 6th, 2014, 02:58 PM
While I...Can't relate to that horrific backstory ( :( ), I CAN relate to feeling like food is gross, unappetizing, unappealing, etc.

On the one hand, I love food, or I eat copious amounts of it until I'm sick.

On the other, I just don't feel like eating, or I can't bear the thought/smell/sight of food.

Yeah, arguably I don't have an eating disorder, and this is all a side effect of being bipolar, but honestly, it's a big enough of a problem on its own, and it's one that no one cares about at the moment.

April 6th, 2014, 03:02 PM
I can't beleive you actualy had to go through that ):
I'm no expert but I think alot of people with ED's have them for different reasons than just self esteem, like deeper subconscious issues.