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surviving
March 29th, 2014, 12:40 PM
I've recently gotten access to memories that previously belonged to one of the other people in my body. And I am scared because there's been a lot of changes inside. I've been struggling to be coherent talking about it.

I have (undiagnosed) DID. But I went from knowing about and interacting with 30 different people inside to only knowing for sure that four of them exist. I told a friend that I had experienced a lot of abuse at the hands of a group that involve the embodiment of Satan, and since that there have been some really confusing changes.

We have an alter, Inferno, who was, for lack of a better word, groomed by a person that sexual abused me on behalf of the group. We've had other alters that I'm struggling to place a creator with, who were undoubtedly groomed into who they are. An alter, Kitten, for example, was groomed into turning pain into pleasure. The alter "Mariposa" who I don't know if she still is around was another sexual alter, who flew away with us when sexual things happened.

Inferno isn't doing it to help, I don't think. He does it to protect (possibly guard) the names and faces of the people. I mean, I know my mind created him, but he's never been there to help ME. He's been there to keep me afraid and 'dutiful'. I guess that talking about the memories a bit has enacted some sort of 'protocol' that scrambles us and makes it hard to communicate. Sometimes I'm so alone in my head I worry that the others are gone, because I've had someone with me 24/7 for the past year or so. Before that, the others were here frequently, I just didn't really realize it.

I know that I likely go back to some of the places on holidays like Christmas and Easter, and there's been a number in my phone history that occasionally shows up around the full moon, but I think that whoever calls them deletes that info more often than not. I think my birthday may also be involved. I also seem to be sick every year on the holidays, and I don't know what happens when I'm 'sleeping'.

Sorry if I've bothered anyone.

Blood
April 6th, 2014, 09:21 AM
Interesting experience...I would suggest seeking professional help about this, especially since you're not exactly sure what it is. Self diagnosis isn't very reliable.

Katiya
April 7th, 2014, 02:10 AM
Interesting experience...I would suggest seeking professional help about this, especially since you're not exactly sure what it is. Self diagnosis isn't very reliable.

I'll second that. Talk with professional.

Dalcourt
April 7th, 2014, 03:27 AM
As the others said, it seems best to talk to a professional. Experiences like that shouldn't be taken easy.

Gottaloveaginger14
July 12th, 2014, 05:07 PM
I would try seeing a therapist I know there's a certain negative stigma attached to seeing a shrink but I promise it helps