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Aventzger
October 1st, 2017, 05:43 AM
I've been trying to find what sexual orientation I'm comfortable with for the past 3 years.

I had a couple of relationships with girls and I do feel happy and a sense of love and affection for my partner. But since I was around 10 years old, I had instances where I found boys, be it my classmate or a passerby to be ridiculously good-looking. Back then, I didn't know about the concept of being homosexual, I just liked those boys for how they looked.

Recently, I attended my previous school's graduation ceremony and met many of my old friends there. 2 of them being my ex-girlfriend and this guy who I like spending time with but haven't seen each other in 2 years.

I'm still on good terms with my ex as our breakup was forced upon by her teacher. When I spoke to her that day, I felt a buzz in my heart like how I did when I was with her 3 years ago.

Later on the same day, I caught up with guy friend and we were really happy to see each other, we traded butt spanks and took photos together. I'm a shy person who holds a lot of self-respect for myself so I rarely do crazy poses and doing silly faces.

However, on that day I just let all that self-respect go and we posed as if we were kissing each other. At that very moment, I felt myself having a boner for a split second. I saw the picture and I found myself liking that photo. I'm not very sure if its I finally felt like I did something I never did before or image of me "kissing" another guy turns me on. I'm not that attracted to him as he already is attached to a girl.
The photo is at the bottom of this post if anyone wants to have a look. (I've blurred out my friend's face for privacy reasons)

On the same night, I questioned myself about my sexual orientation, reflecting on what happened earlier that day with my ex and my friend. I find myself being more comfortable with guys. I just don't seem to be so attracted to girls as I thought/used to be. I'm starting to feel happy that I might have understood myself.

However, there's this small part of me that is afraid and unwilling to accept it. Fear of the reactions of my parents and friends, the stigma I'll face in a socially conservative country and my dreams to marry a girl and start a family.

I don't know how do I really truly get over these obstacles I'm facing. I've considered being in the closet until my parents pass on or when my country starts to allow same-sex marriages/ decriminalise male on male sexual activity. But I know that the longer I hide myself, the more unhappy I will be but this whole debacle is keeping from moving forward.

Can anyone offer some advice? It'll be really great if there's someone who's got a similar experience.

Just JT
October 1st, 2017, 06:56 AM
Looked to be more than a "hey bro really missed ya" kinda embrace and kiss. Only question I have is did you both enjoy it. If you did roll with it and don't get stuck on names and labels. Just enjoy your time with him in whatever way that is for you guys.

An instant passes only once, and once it passes it's gone. If you don't take full advantage of it, the oprotunity may be lost forever

Aventzger
October 1st, 2017, 06:58 AM
Looked to be more than a "hey bro really missed ya" kinda embrace and kiss. Only question I have is did you both enjoy it. If you did roll with it and don't get stuck on names and labels. Just enjoy your time with him in whatever way that is for you guys.

An instant passes only once, and once it passes it's gone. If you don't take full advantage of it, the oprotunity may be lost forever

Yea, we both agreed to it but he is currently attached to a girl. Don't wanna interfere too much in their relationship.

Thanks for the advice!

SethfromMI
October 1st, 2017, 10:29 AM
There are so many possibilities. I don't think it is a question of whether or not you like girls, it sounds like you know you like them. it sounds like your at least somewhat curious about guys. many people, whether they want to admit it or not, don't fall 100% on the sexuality spectrum. some guys can look at another guy and say hey they're attractive, but honestly wouldn't want to do anything sexually with them.

As you mentioned in your last post, if the guy is already in a relationship, you don't want to do anything with him which may put that in danger. as far as if he is sexually attracted to you or guys in general, it is something you would have to ask him specifically.

I mean I guess the way you will probably find out if you like guys or not is if you get a chance to try something with a guy. I think that would help you determine whether or not you are attracted to guys in that way.

you don't have to get caught up on labels though of what to call yourself. your attracted to who you are attracted to.

Aventzger
October 1st, 2017, 10:43 AM
There are so many possibilities. I don't think it is a question of whether or not you like girls, it sounds like you know you like them. it sounds like your at least somewhat curious about guys. many people, whether they want to admit it or not, don't fall 100% on the sexuality spectrum. some guys can look at another guy and say hey they're attractive, but honestly wouldn't want to do anything sexually with them.

As you mentioned in your last post, if the guy is already in a relationship, you don't want to do anything with him which may put that in danger. as far as if he is sexually attracted to you or guys in general, it is something you would have to ask him specifically.

I mean I guess the way you will probably find out if you like guys or not is if you get a chance to try something with a guy. I think that would help you determine whether or not you are attracted to guys in that way.

you don't have to get caught up on labels though of what to call yourself. your attracted to who you are attracted to.


Thanks for your advice Seth!

How about when the time comes where I totally accept who I am. Do I really need to come out? Should I decide to, how do I break the news to my parents?

SethfromMI
October 1st, 2017, 10:56 AM
Thanks for your advice Seth!

How about when the time comes where I totally accept who I am. Do I really need to come out? Should I decide to, how do I break the news to my parents?

No problem Ben. :)

First, you don't have to come out unless you want to. Many people think and fell relief when they do, but some people are in places or situations where it would maybe create more harm than good if they come out. If you come to that point where you figure out your bi or even gay, it will be up to you to decide if you want to come out and then when (if you decide to do so). you can even determine who you want to come out to. it is not like you have to tell everybody or announce it from the rooftops (the only thing to keep in mind is, if you decide to tell someone but don't want many people to know, make sure it is someone who is actually going to keep it a secret if you are trying to do so).

parents can be trickier because some parents can be so different. some parents are incredibly supportive some would react in horror. what do your parents feel about same sex relationships? if you do not think they would react very well, you might not want to tell them right away (if you got to that point) esp if you were still living with them. if they don't care or support those rights in general, it will probably be easier to tell them. some may not be crazy about it but will still love and support you. I guess you will have to make that decision based on how well you know your parents.

Aventzger
October 1st, 2017, 11:16 AM
No problem Ben. :)

First, you don't have to come out unless you want to. Many people think and fell relief when they do, but some people are in places or situations where it would maybe create more harm than good if they come out. If you come to that point where you figure out your bi or even gay, it will be up to you to decide if you want to come out and then when (if you decide to do so). you can even determine who you want to come out to. it is not like you have to tell everybody or announce it from the rooftops (the only thing to keep in mind is, if you decide to tell someone but don't want many people to know, make sure it is someone who is actually going to keep it a secret if you are trying to do so).

parents can be trickier because some parents can be so different. some parents are incredibly supportive some would react in horror. what do your parents feel about same sex relationships? if you do not think they would react very well, you might not want to tell them right away (if you got to that point) esp if you were still living with them. if they don't care or support those rights in general, it will probably be easier to tell them. some may not be crazy about it but will still love and support you. I guess you will have to make that decision based on how well you know your parents.

Thanks Seth!

I think I wouldn't let my parents (let alone my grandparents) know about my orientation. They are very conservative and probably not going to take the news well. I'll see how things will pan out in the future but as it stands, I guess it'll be a secret with me until I have someone I can trust.

SethfromMI
October 1st, 2017, 11:20 AM
Thanks Seth!

I think I wouldn't let my parents (let alone my grandparents) know about my orientation. They are very conservative and probably not going to take the news well. I'll see how things will pan out in the future but as it stands, I guess it'll be a secret with me until I have someone I can trust.

Not a problem at all Ben. If I was in your position where I did not think my family was going to be able to support it, I would def consider not telling them. again, at the very least until your own your own and are supporting yourself (even then it will be up to you). but in the meantime it will give you a chance to really figure out if you are bi or not? or maybe you already know deep down but it will give you time just to confirm it to yourself. it is not a race, it has to be done on your own time

iConfused
October 1st, 2017, 09:59 PM
If I were you I wouldn't get stuck on labels. When I was first questioning myself I thought I was full gay, but then I realized I liked girls too. I kept flip flopping from gay and straight so eventually I just said I was Bi. The point is, you don't need to label yourself. Like what you like.

Aventzger
October 2nd, 2017, 09:43 AM
There are so many possibilities. I don't think it is a question of whether or not you like girls, it sounds like you know you like them. it sounds like your at least somewhat curious about guys. many people, whether they want to admit it or not, don't fall 100% on the sexuality spectrum. some guys can look at another guy and say hey they're attractive, but honestly wouldn't want to do anything sexually with them.

As you mentioned in your last post, if the guy is already in a relationship, you don't want to do anything with him which may put that in danger. as far as if he is sexually attracted to you or guys in general, it is something you would have to ask him specifically.

I mean I guess the way you will probably find out if you like guys or not is if you get a chance to try something with a guy. I think that would help you determine whether or not you are attracted to guys in that way.

you don't have to get caught up on labels though of what to call yourself. your attracted to who you are attracted to.


Hey Seth, I thought about it and came out to 2 of my close friends. I told them how I felt and they were really supportive. I feel like a new person and I am so much happier now!

Thanks!

SethfromMI
October 2nd, 2017, 05:31 PM
Hey Seth, I thought about it and came out to 2 of my close friends. I told them how I felt and they were really supportive. I feel like a new person and I am so much happier now!

Thanks!

good for you Ben! :D Hopefully other future experiences will go just as well for you :D

EthanK
October 16th, 2017, 06:46 AM
You will eventually find yourself