View Full Version : Enthusiasm and Sadness around my crush

September 11th, 2017, 08:34 PM
I have a crush on an older female friend of mine, yet I don't understand my feelings. When ever I see and talk to her, I want to talk so much, yet I also feel like curling up into the fetal position and crying. I honestly feel suicidal for whatever reason:confused:. As a result of these conflicting feelings, I'm not 100% sure on what to do, so I just act really awkward. I've had crushes before, yet none of them made me act like this. I would either curl up and suck my thumb around them, or I'd talk my brains out. Wanting to do both is new.
I have a theory that either
A: I'm mentally changing more than I think with my rapid onset of puberty, so my altered brain is trying to learn to feel romantic feelings aside from "puppy love" from before. Basically my brain is receiving mixed signals from a sudden hormonal shift.


B: She is giving mixed signals because she has a history of abuse and issues forming any relationships.

Could it simply be mental illness? My brother has Bipolar 2 and my sister has Bipolar 1 with psychosis. Not to mention growing up without a father and a family history of alcoholism:what:

Just JT
September 11th, 2017, 09:05 PM
You and her got a lot going on in your genes. No pun intended.
And that's like almost being double fucked up.
If she's from an abusive relationship, you may not be misreading anything. She may be sending off mixed feeling messages. So I'd be really careful about that.
Just talking from experience is all

September 11th, 2017, 09:41 PM
My first question to you would be has she definitely been in abusive situations, or are you just speculating?

If it's the first one, then it's not so simple. There's a lot for an individual to overcome on a personal level after dealing with stuff like that before they're ready to give themselves to someone else. It's different for everyone, and it takes different amounts of time for each person. The important thing is to not push her. Give her space and the ability to make her own decisions at her own pace, but at the same time, don't totally erase yourself from the equation. Be her friend still, be her support, but don't push her beyond that.

My next question would be does she know that you like her, or does she just think of you as a friend? You might not know the answer, and that's okay. If she's aware and not interested right now, don't push it. Don't ruin your friendship over something that she's not into.

Despite the family history, I wouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions about whether this is or isn't mental illness. I'm not a doctor of any sorts, but your experiences don't seem overly out of the ordinary. Hormones are crazy, and I don't think it's wrong. Maybe there's a part of you that's so excited to talk to her, and there's another part of you that's scared of talking to her, and it's sending your brain mixed signals. Puberty changes you a lot, and as you said in option A, it was rapid, and your body's still trying to adjust. Since you haven't felt this in the past, I think these are just signs of your body aging and maturing, and you trying to figure it out.

With that being said, if you are feeling suicidal about it, that's not okay, and that's something that needs to be talked about further as a whole different issue. And it's okay to need professional help with that.. to talk about everything that's been changing and your feelings, and why you're feeling as you are. I know it's a scary thought, but it's okay. Having someone though who you can talk to and be open and honest with is the best thing. Whether that's someone here, or a professional therapist or a family member is up to you, but it is really important to try and see what aspect of it is making you feel suicidal.

Best wishes. x

September 11th, 2017, 10:31 PM
I feel it could be more of your changing due to puberty than an actual mental illness even though your siblings have the diagnosis.
You say she has issues and therefore maybe sends mixed feelings, could be true.
It's not easy to interpret feelings of mentally unstable people. From personal experience I know that a lot of people think I'm flirting or wanting sexual stuff whereas I just feel I want to show I like a person and want them as a friend. As @ Just JT said it's quite dangerous and you should be careful.

I feel you should try to be a friend at the moment and not really act on any other feelings for her...maybe this helps you to sort out your real feelings.

September 14th, 2017, 08:06 PM
I think that the other guys have done an excellent job of giving you advice to you. You could also go to a doctor and get tested for any mental illnesses too then you can maybe ease your mind also.

September 19th, 2017, 04:55 PM
I don't think it's mental illness, I only listed it as a slight possibility. I think it's most likely just puberty doing its thing. Even if it was mental illness, I consider myself mentally capable of dismissing most irrational thoughts. If I ever have suicidal thoughts, I am always able to rationalize my feelings completely. I honestly think when I wrote this thread, I just needed time to sit down and think