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gherkin2pickle
September 10th, 2017, 11:32 PM
So, about a month ago, a best friend of mine asked me out on a date, and since then we've been in a relationship. His parents already know about us, and I've been to their house and hung out with them before. I really like them, and they seem to like me. The guy in question, well... He's asked me a couple of times if I've told my parents yet. And I always say no. And don't get me wrong, he respects that. He says to only tell them when I think I'm ready. You see, my parents are EXTREMELY religious (Christians of the United Brethren denomination), so I think the thought of any potential indecency on their children's part is scary for them. My older sister (we're 9 years apart) didn't date at all during high school, as far as I know. Her first boyfriend in college was really weird, and ended up asking her for nude photos. So, my parents have every right to be protective of me. I get that. But I've known this guy for almost six years now. He's my best friend and having him as more than that makes me feel wanted. Important. Special. I want to tell my parents about it, I really do. But I'm so very scared of what they'll say. Maybe they'll tell me I have to break it off with him. Maybe they won't let me hang out with him outside of school anymore. I'm especially worried about my dad. He's a pastor, and I honestly don't know what his opinion on dating in high school is. I just don't know what to do. Some advice would be greatly appreciated ❤️

Just JT
September 11th, 2017, 04:16 AM
If you don't know their opinion of HS kids dating and stuff, why not start there.
Ask them their opinion and have a discussion only about that, and see where that goes

jamie_n5
September 11th, 2017, 02:20 PM
If you don't know their opinion of HS kids dating and stuff, why not start there.
Ask them their opinion and have a discussion only about that, and see where that goes

I agree with Just JT. This seems to be the best and most logical way to find out how they feel. You might bring up the subject at dinner or something. You could even ask them if some boy asks you out to a school dance would you let me go with him.

Uniquemind
September 11th, 2017, 05:04 PM
This is harsh, but there is a lot of illogical reasoning with your parents and the way they see dating and what it means even in a religious sense, most denominations do end up extrapolating verses of scripture to mean stuff they really don't. Yet they are internally convinced of their own doctrine despite analytical errors.


Parents need to be at peace with the fact that not all of their children get to go to heaven, it's not something you can control.

I've known really uptight religious communities and people and I've noticed a lot of them end up taking human urges, and psych-guilt tripping over experiencing such urges, that they attempt to repress, and those urges come out behaviorally in other ways.

Like secret fetishes, or nudes, or in generally being really easily swayed by temptations (hit guys or gals, worldly experiences etc).


What I'm saying is I wouldn't look-up to your parents around these issues of dating and sexuality. Or at least dissociate the guilt that gets thrown at you by them, from wise health based decisions.

Understand what makes your situation different from that of your sisters and articulate those differences well and cool-headed.

Chaosphere
September 12th, 2017, 02:34 AM
So, about a month ago, a best friend of mine asked me out on a date, and since then we've been in a relationship. His parents already know about us, and I've been to their house and hung out with them before. I really like them, and they seem to like me. The guy in question, well... He's asked me a couple of times if I've told my parents yet. And I always say no. And don't get me wrong, he respects that. He says to only tell them when I think I'm ready. You see, my parents are EXTREMELY religious (Christians of the United Brethren denomination), so I think the thought of any potential indecency on their children's part is scary for them. My older sister (we're 9 years apart) didn't date at all during high school, as far as I know. Her first boyfriend in college was really weird, and ended up asking her for nude photos. So, my parents have every right to be protective of me. I get that. But I've known this guy for almost six years now. He's my best friend and having him as more than that makes me feel wanted. Important. Special. I want to tell my parents about it, I really do. But I'm so very scared of what they'll say. Maybe they'll tell me I have to break it off with him. Maybe they won't let me hang out with him outside of school anymore. I'm especially worried about my dad. He's a pastor, and I honestly don't know what his opinion on dating in high school is. I just don't know what to do. Some advice would be greatly appreciated ❤️

If you don't know their opinion of HS kids dating and stuff, why not start there.
Ask them their opinion and have a discussion only about that, and see where that goes
justJT is right. First get their opinion on all this. If they're receptive, go ahead and tell them of what has happened in your life. Here's my two cents. You're going to start off at a disadvantage if you try to explain second-hand all of your BF's good qualities and virtues. Have him meet your parents at church or at a restaurant. That way they can see he's respectful and is beneficial for you to have in your life. It's the best way to remove doubts if they think you're just smitten and are overlooking red flags.

gherkin2pickle
September 13th, 2017, 05:23 PM
This is harsh, but there is a lot of illogical reasoning with your parents and the way they see dating and what it means even in a religious sense, most denominations do end up extrapolating verses of scripture to mean stuff they really don't. Yet they are internally convinced of their own doctrine despite analytical errors.


Parents need to be at peace with the fact that not all of their children get to go to heaven, it's not something you can control.

I've known really uptight religious communities and people and I've noticed a lot of them end up taking human urges, and psych-guilt tripping over experiencing such urges, that they attempt to repress, and those urges come out behaviorally in other ways.

Like secret fetishes, or nudes, or in generally being really easily swayed by temptations (hit guys or gals, worldly experiences etc).


What I'm saying is I wouldn't look-up to your parents around these issues of dating and sexuality. Or at least dissociate the guilt that gets thrown at you by them, from wise health based decisions.

Understand what makes your situation different from that of your sisters and articulate those differences well and cool-headed.


Yeah, I totally get what you're saying. I grew up in a strictly Christian environment, but now I'm just downright sick of it. I'm a science buff too, and when I start talking about evolution and whatnot, they get pretty ticked at me.

But whatever, I digress. I've been trying to work up the courage to ask them about it, but I haven't been able to yet. I'm gonna ask my significant other and see what he thinks. Maybe get some advice from my best friends, too. They have more sense than my parents when it comes to this sort of thing. They'll help me out.

Anyway, thank you for replying, everyone! I greatly appreciate it <3

Uniquemind
September 14th, 2017, 03:39 AM
Yeah, I totally get what you're saying. I grew up in a strictly Christian environment, but now I'm just downright sick of it. I'm a science buff too, and when I start talking about evolution and whatnot, they get pretty ticked at me.

But whatever, I digress. I've been trying to work up the courage to ask them about it, but I haven't been able to yet. I'm gonna ask my significant other and see what he thinks. Maybe get some advice from my best friends, too. They have more sense than my parents when it comes to this sort of thing. They'll help me out.

Anyway, thank you for replying, everyone! I greatly appreciate it <3

Your parents fail to recognize that the bible itself doesn't say the theory evolution is at odds with scripture verses.

What they fail to understand much like the Pharisees before them, is the origin of their current understanding of scripture, that they so adamantly defend without going back and verifying they operate on the correct understanding of scripture, which should have no contradictions or errors.


There was a catholic (SIDENOTE: again I thought Protestant Christians distrust Catholic interpretation anyway) pope who I believe by his own sudden authority, that it was okay to literally count the days listed in the bible to get a biblical timescale.

Nowhere in scripture does it tell a pope could do that without dangerously adding to the world of god, which is forbidden by verses in Revelation.

So again by the scripture itself, any Christian believing that their faith and science contradict, already fell for the first act of the devil, to cloak himself from existence.

gherkin2pickle
September 29th, 2017, 10:26 PM
Update!

Both of my parents know now. My mom seems pretty chill with it, and my dad seems neutral. And by that he hasn't spoken to me about it. I told my mom and she told him without telling me, so oh well. I'm not gonna worry about it any more. They're my parents and I love them, but I'm making my own choice here. And so far, I'm happy with said choice. Things are going great ❤️ Thanks for your advice, everyone.